Lefty: Lower than you, Jingle Balls! Haha!

Right: Man, that was even funnier the first 328,000 times.

Lefty: Whatevs, you're just jealous.

Right: Of what?

Lefty: Of the fact that the GF paid a lil' more attention to me last night than to you, but can you blame her?

Right: What are you talking about?

Lefty: I totally received some extra cuppage.... it was sweet.

Right: She was not cupping you; she was focusing on the big guy.

Member: You guys talking about me?

Lefty: Leave yourself out of this, Hank! You really can't stand that the chicks dig me, can you?

Righty: We're testicles, Lefty. We sweat profusely, we're hairy, and we occasionally stick to the side of the thighs. I'm pretty sure we're the last thing chicks want to "dig."

Lefty: Whatevs, man. The chicks totally want the Leftman. Last week the ole' GF was treating me like I was an everlasting gobstopper. You totally missed it.

Righty: I find that hard to believe since we're sharing the same scrotum!

Lefty: Stop being such a baby, little bro.

Righty: For the last time, I am NOT your "little bro!" We are the exact same age, you moron.

Lefty: I descended a full two days before you, my friend. And what a wonderful two days they were! Free room and board all to myself!

Righty: Well it's no picnic for me, either. Your lump keeps jabbing my side.

Lefty: What lump?

Righty: That lump that you got over there.

Lefty: Wait, what? OMG are fricking serious?! A lump! Alump! I can't have a lump!!! The Leftman is in his prime!!!! I can't be taken out of the game now!!! OMG what the hell am I going to do!

Righty: Ha! Got ya, bitch!

Lefty: You are such an asshole.

Asshole: Hey, you guys talking about me?

Lefty: F*ck off, Gary.

Teacher: Ok class, today we're going to cover familyfunctions. This is probably the Super Bowl of inappropriate behavior for crazy andcreepy uncles, so make sure to bring your "A-game." Reese, what's the firstthing you do when arriving at the function?

Graduate: Class of 2004

Teacher: Fantastic! Class, note that Troy points out two keyelements to being a crazy uncle. Be loud and the center of attention at alltimes, and never...EVER do anything sober. Keith, you run into the brother-in-lawof your baby sister, what do you do?

Uncle Keith: Shake his hand and then call him "a gay" for havinga weak grip?

Teacher: Good, good. Any other ideas?

Uncle Steve: Tell him that my kids are superior to his kidsin athletics?

Teacher: In some cases that may be, but let's try andremember Crazy Uncle Commandment Six: "A rotating door of unbearablegirlfriends is essential, but kids lead to less craziness and more maturity."

Uncle Troy: What if we only have sister-in-laws?

Teacher: Good question. My suggestion would be a heavy doseof undressing with the eyes followed by delicate sprinkles of sexual innuendo thatbecome more explicit throughout the evening. Now, time to talk to the niecesand nephews. Joe, your nephew tells you that he is 11 years old, how do yourespond?

Uncle Joe: Pull my finger?

Teacher: Joe, Joe, Joe! What are we, amateurs? Steve, howshould Joe respond?

Uncle Steve: I was 11 once. Best three years of my life!

Uncle Reese: Shouldn't that joke pertain to a nephew's gradein school and not their age?

Teacher: True, but remember Commandment Eight...

All: "Metaphors and Jokes are meant to be misquoted andmisused."¼/span>

Graduate: Class of 2006

Uncle Richard: I'd tell him that he's in his prime now andshould be working on making "the beast with two backs" with the females. I'dthen make sure to tell him, "Unless you want a fetus, put a condom on your penis."

Teacher: Very good. Inappropriate sex talk is one of thegreatest tools in an uncle's arsenal. Jailbait alert, Reese! Your fullydeveloped 16-year-old niece and her friend are talking about the matchingtattoos they got on their inner thighs, what do you do?

Uncle Reese: Um.... Uhh... Um.....

Teacher: Errrrr! Remember, Reese, we want our behavior to beawkward and unsettling, not our pauses. Richard?

Uncle Richard: Drunkenly yell "Prove It!!!" then hunt for her Spring Break pictures while pretending to use the upstairs bathroom.

Teacher: Excellent, Richard! You know your stuff!

Uncle Richard: I have the restraining order to prove it!

All: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!