CollegeHumor: User 128053's Articles

The Infomercial Love Triangle

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:00:00 -0500

Billy Mays: How was your day, honey?

Sham-Wow: Well, Vince from work told me that I'm German.

Billy Mays: Well, Germans make good stuff.

Telephone Rings

Sham-Wow: I'll get it... Hello?

Ron Popiel: Do you love me?

Sham-Wow: Are you f*cking serious?! You know you're not supposed to call during dinner or even this number!

Ron Popiel: Well, I'm sorry, but this whole fling is getting to me. I want more, babe, I need your Shammy touch.

Billy Mays: Who is it, honey?

Sham-Wow: No one... it's no one.

Ron Popiel: I'm no one?! You sucked up fifty percent of my cola, wine and coffee stain on the first pass, and got the rest on the second. You even checked the bottom on my rug sample to see if it was DRY!

Sham-Wow: I will call you later. I promise.

Ron Popiel: Don't you hang up on-

Hangs up phone

Sham-Wow: So! Where were we?

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-01-05 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 32 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

University of Phoenix Graduation Night Chatroom

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:20:55 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-17 17:20:55 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 565 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CH All Nighter Hardly Working #10: Finally Finished

Fri, 02 May 2008 08:49:44 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 8 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CH All Nighter Hardly Working #9: Airhorns

Fri, 02 May 2008 08:12:26 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 8 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CH All Nighter Hardly Working #8: He's Right Behind Me

Fri, 02 May 2008 07:55:43 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CH All Nighter Hardly Working #7: Collage Humor

Fri, 02 May 2008 05:20:38 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754385">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CH All Nighter Hardly Working #6: Handicap Suicide

Fri, 02 May 2008 04:05:26 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 6 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CH All Nighter Hardly Working #5: Pee Chain

Fri, 02 May 2008 03:15:15 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CH All Nighter Hardly Working #4: Man on the Street(er)

Fri, 02 May 2008 02:57:35 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 10 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Caption Contest

Fri, 02 May 2008 02:07:13 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> A little different today... I am going to pick the ten best captions of the picture below. Runners up (Numbers 2-9) win a beer pong rack and balls from www.tfc.com. Grand Prize wins a beer pong rack and balls and a free BustedTee. Contests ends at 3:00am EST... and go!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 5 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CH All Nighter Hardly Working #2: Bizarro Office

Fri, 02 May 2008 00:04:21 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Check it out, our second Hardly Working of the night. Now with extra creepiness!

Click to Watch!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 12 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Count to Twenty-Five

Thu, 01 May 2008 23:48:47 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> In the comment box, count to twenty-five consecutively. No replies. No repeats. Only numbers, no spellling of the numbers. First person to say each number wins a free BustedPoster... and go!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 18 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CH All Nighter Hardly Working #1: 9 O'Clock

Thu, 01 May 2008 23:13:01 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Turn on the coffee pot and turn off the porn
keep your eyes peeled-straight 'til the morn.
Kick off your shoes, take off your socks.
Here we go viewers, Hardly Working: 9 O'Clock(s).

Click to Watch!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 6 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Caption Contest: Week of 4/28

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:17:07 -0400

RULES: Leave your one best entry as a comment, not a reply. Winner, as chosen by a poll next week, gets a BustedTee. Hit the keep reading for last week's picture and nominees...

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-28 16:17:07 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 30 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Caption Contest: Week of 4/14

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:17:51 -0400

RULES: Leave your one best entry as a comment, not a reply. Winner, as chosen by a poll next week, gets a BustedTee. Hit the keep reading for last week's picture and nominees...

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-16 16:17:51 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 16 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

A Sim Checking In...

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:33:36 -0400

When I didn't have free will

Hey Doug,

It's been a while, yeah? 7 years I think. 7 years since you last looked at my life. No hard feelings man, I learned English, that's a plus. No more with the pah flah bah attah mah shwah ah.

Oh! Other good news, I learned free will. That was a plus. For the first six months of your hiatus, I was just standing in my living room doing nothing. You wouldn't believe how many times I soiled myself.

Things with the wife are getting a little sh*tty, unfortunately. She's not putting out so I'm now forced to enter Move_Objects_On into the cheat box, move her out of the blurred area and just watch her naked. I'm starting to feel a little guilty. I think that's why you stopped, too.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-04 14:33:36 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 205 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Caption Contest: Week of 3/31

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 12:45:06 -0400

RULES: Leave your one best entry as a comment, not a reply. Winner, as chosen by a poll next week, gets a BustedTee. Hit the keep reading for last week's picture and nominees...

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-04 12:45:06 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 15 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Caption Contest: Week of 3/24

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:48:39 -0400

RULES: Leave your one best entry as a comment, not a reply. Winner, as chosen by a poll next week, gets a BustedTee. Hit the keep reading for last week's picture and nominees...

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-26 13:48:39 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 29 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Caption Contest: Week of 3/17

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 11:48:57 -0400

RULES: Leave your one best entry as a comment, not a reply. Winner, as chosen by a poll next week, gets a BustedTee. Hit the keep reading for last week's picture and nominees...

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-19 11:48:57 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 15 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Jesus Gets Arrested

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 10:28:07 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.e6ecc1ea45a24925c0772a0ee94f48a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-19 10:28:07 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:128053">Doug Kellner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:553"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 86 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />