With the election days away, more and more Americans are becoming interested in the political process. This is great news for the 24 hour news networks, and more specifically, the pundits who infest them. The landscape of pundits is reflective of the diversity of America, as it ranges from rich white guys who grew up on the East Coast to rich white guys who currently spend half their summers on the East Coast. Below is a primer to help you get to know them better, including their celebrity resemblance, a fun drinking game to play with your friends, which 90s band they most resemble, and a douche-o-meter, measured in O'Reillys, ranging from 1 to 6.
Of all the pundits on television, Glenn Beck is the most outspoken despiser of phony, disingenuous, and opportunistic politicians and celebrities who turn their personal problems and the problems of others into self-indulgent money making business opportunities. And if you don't believe me, then watch his television show, or listen to his radio show, or read one of his books, or purchase a ticket to one of his live shows, where he is sure to delve into his personal story as a former alcoholic who got clean, got married, and then re-discovered religion. Beck's call for an end to political correctness carries a lot of weight, especially since he is a member of the group for whom political correctness has affected the most, the white Christian male population.
Celebrity Resemblance: Barney Rubble, but less human.
Drinking game: Chug a beer every time he complains about the Republican party, then endorses every single one of their candidates.
If He Were A 90s Band, He'd Be: Everclear, then Creed.
Douche-o-meter: 6 O'Reillys
Engineering- "Looks like a car hit this guy. By the amount of damage I'd say it was maybe a 4 door SUV with 4-wheel drive, off-road capabilities. This car should be installed with a small animal collision detector in the front... maybe a scoop devise or something to gently toss the animal out of the way... hmm..."
Film- "This was no accident, this was murder! Who the hell would kill a small animal? They made it look like an accident, but then, right there, it looks like someone performed an autopsy on this little guy! Something strange is going on around here, and I don't like it... Unless this rodent was in fact the killer himself, who went back in time to make this car swerve and hit his past self!"
Brain: Okay head, this girl is into us! Let's lean in for a kiss. Lips, pucker up. Tongue, get ready.
Tongue: Ready boss!
Weiner: Yeahhh!
Brain: Relax.
Brain: She's into it! Lips part, let tongue out. Tongue, do your thing.
Tongue: Woohoo!
Brain: Whoa wait, nothing crazy. Come on, go easy for once.
Weiner: F*ck yeah! You get her, boiii!
Brain: Shut up! Everyone calm down.
Weiner: I live for this! I LIVE FOR THIS!!!!
Brain: You need to control yourself!
I found my mom using two different laptops simultaneously. I asked her what she was doing and she said that this was the only way she could go to two different websites at the same time.
Alex H
My mother uses her cell phone like a walkie-talkie. She'll put the phone to her mouth to talk and then back to her ear to listen. Many times she's scolded me for starting my response before she had time to put the phone back to her ear.
Lindsey L, KU
My mom leaves her laptop charger plugged into the laptop even when it's not plugged into the wall because "there is juice (power) left in the chord."
Brenden Wenberg, Loyola
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