CollegeHumor: User 1299806's Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788977 Comparative Grammar Mon, 03 Aug 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788977 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/7/collegehumor.54ea313820bc92682c5df1b75479497a.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-03 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806">Scott M.</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 30 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759920 More Likely 'Roommate Confessions' Thu, 31 Jul 2008 00:37:24 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759920 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Last semester my boyfriend was going out to a bar with his friends and I'm like, "Please hunny, can I come with you guys?" But he tells me it's "Boy's Night". WTF?! So of course I'm like whatever and decide to just show up anyways. When I get to the bar he's surprised to see me, but he's like "Alright, it's no biggie." It better not be! So we're at the bar and I start drinking a little, and granted, I'm getting a little tipsy, and I say to myself, "If it's boy's night, why not show these boys a good time?" So I try to climb on the bar so I can get my Coyote Ugly on, and this douche bartender is like "Sweety, you can't do that here." I get into this big argument with the bartender, and then, if you can believe this, my BF comes over can says, "Stop it, you're embarrassing me." So at this point I'm totally pissed! But instead of yelling at him, I decide to get him back. So I threw up all over his dorm room and peed in his bed. I know right?! Got him good. I doubt he'll ever say that again!
Jennie, VT

Last year there was this really hot girl in my BIO 101 class that I had been eyeing all semester long. Seriously, like a 9.5, super hot! So one night my roommate and I are out at a bar and I notice she's at the bar too. I point her out to my roomie and say, "Dude check out that girl, she's in my Bio class, how hot is she?" And get this! He goes back with her to her apartment and hooks up with her! Dude, I was so pissed. It doesn't matter that I never even talked to her, I saw her first! Obviously I was ready for revenge! So one weekend his sister comes up for a visit and I already know what I have to do. I start flirting with her all night, trust me she was feeling it, we were even beer pong partners for a game or two. So when the night was coming to an end I say to her, "Hey babe, you wanna ride the space mountain?" And she was was like, "What are you talking about?", must have been too drunk or something, so I call her a prude! Nice right?! And here's the best part, he still doesn't know to this day!
Kevin C., School Not Given

Remember when I got a D in my 'Intro to Theatre' class and you were like, "How do you get a D in class like that?" Well one day you left your Facebook up and I changed your 'Interested in:' to guys! LOL! I bet you heard a lot of jokes about that one! Who's acting now bitch?!
Jim B., USC

So I had this roommate freshman year and let me tell you, this guy was a real stronzo. Seriously, this ciuccio would do things like take my whey protein, drink my Remy, I even think I caught this goomba copying my dance moves. You think I'm going to deal with that shit? Forget about it! So one night we're all heading out to the club and while he's taking a shower I hide his hair gel. So we're all waiting out in the caddy, watching some De Niro flick, and I get this frantic phone call from him like, "Vinny, you seen my gel?" Of course I'm like "Nah bro, hurry your ass up!" Next thing you know he's getting into the car looking like a mop head. He didn't get no ass that night! You see what happens when you get on my bad side bro?!
Vinny Santrillo, Rutgers

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/7/collegehumor.54ea313820bc92682c5df1b75479497a.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806">Scott M.</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 32 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759745 Rick 'Serpico' Ross Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:18:17 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759745 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Reporter: Rick, how do you respond to the rumors going around that you once worked in a prison as a correctional officer?

Rick Ross: Aww hell nah boy! I'm Ross the boss, not Ross the man. Some cats out there trying to tarnish my reputation as the baddest motherf*cker in the business. I've got it all baby! Some haters out there don't wanna see the total package walking around without a target on his back. You know how it is...

Reporter: Thanks Rick.

*Two days later, FBI Headquarters*

FBI Agent: Dammit Agent Ross! These corrections officer rumors are compromising our entire mission! What are you going to do about it?

Rick Ross: ME?! You were supposed to destroy all of the documents linking me back to back to that part of my life!

FBI Agent: I thought we did. If anyone scratches this scab anymore, this entire case could fall apart.

Rick Ross: THE CASE?!?! I heard someone put out a hit on me! And you're worried about the case?!
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/7/collegehumor.54ea313820bc92682c5df1b75479497a.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-28 16:18:17 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806">Scott M.</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 17 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759195 How To Properly Leave a Tip Thu, 17 Jul 2008 00:41:43 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759195 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/7/collegehumor.54ea313820bc92682c5df1b75479497a.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-17 00:41:43 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806">Scott M.</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 33 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758972 Carlos Mencia Brainstorming Email Sun, 13 Jul 2008 16:12:43 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758972 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/7/collegehumor.54ea313820bc92682c5df1b75479497a.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-13 16:12:43 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806">Scott M.</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 40 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758235 Inquiries at the Fame Office Sun, 29 Jun 2008 15:32:59 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758235 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Los Angeles 2030:

Mike: Hi, uhh...is this the fame office?

Attendant: Yes, is there something I can help you with today sir?

Mike: Well, yeah, I'd like to use my fifteen minutes of fame now.

Attendant: Alright sir, let's get your file up. What's your name?!slice

Mike: Michael O'Brien.

Attendant: Okay Michael, let me just get this up here. Oh dear...

Mike: What is it?

Attendant: Well Michael, I'm sorry to have to be the one who has to tell you this, but the majority of your fifteen minutes have already been used up.

Mike: What?! How?

Attendant: Well sir, it looks like you parents posted a video on YouTube of you laughing as a baby, and well, it was quite popular...

Mike: What? There's no way that could use up the majority of my fame!

Attendant: Sir, it received over fifty million views...

Mike: You've got to be kidding me! Well how much fame do I have left?

Attendant: Approximately 40 seconds...

Mike: This is just unbelievable! I didn't even get to enjoy it!

Attendant: I'm sorry sir, there's nothing I can do about it. However, you do have some time left, at least.

Mike: True.  Maybe I can date a famous girl or something.  Maybe, like, get a cup of cofffee spilled on me by some actor or something?  Maybe I'll...

Attendant: Ooh, sorry, I have to stop you.  Time's up.  You've spent the remainder of your time being a character in an online article.

Mike: What?  That's not being famous!

Attendant: It's relative.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/7/collegehumor.54ea313820bc92682c5df1b75479497a.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-29 15:32:59 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1299806">Scott M.</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 129 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />