CollegeHumor: Comments by Tommy http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791564 Dating, It's Complicated: Issue #18 Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791564 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me at dating.itscomplicated[at]gmail.com!

My ex-girlfriend asked me if "countries are the big ones and states are the small ones". She was serious. And she's 19.
-Mark

My girlfriend sent me the following e-mail early on - and halfway through - our relationship: "I never realized some things were important to me until we started dating. I know that if something is important to me, I should never think it is stupid. That being said, I would like to explain my thing about movies. I don't care for watching movies I have never seen before. I have a collection of comfort movies I have seen many times that I will watch. I realize this may sound strange to you, but as you know, I am a strange individual." Seriously. I never want to see Elizabethtown or Meet The Fockers ever again.
-Michael, Vancouver BC

One year for Christmas my (ex) boyfriend gave me "Snakes on a Plane" as a present. And nothing else.
-Meg, NCSU

Every girlfriend I have ever had has asked, "Am I your first girlfriend?" When I answer no, they all give me that "what a bunch of bullsh*t" laugh. Am I really that pathetic?
-Cameron

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/7/collegehumor.34fb0a748e9767bd8891bea7cfb6f87d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-17 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873">Jason Michaels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1146"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 136 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789049 My Summer Morning Routine Hates Me Tue, 04 Aug 2009 13:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789049 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Alarm Clock: I'm a racing car, passing by, like Lady Godiva. I'm gonna go, go, go, there's no stopping me. I'M BURNING THROUGH THE SKY, YEAH!

Me: Ugh, please stop.

Alarm Clock: Don't give me that sh*t, college boy. You've been working for two months and you're still incapable of waking up early like a normal working person? What are you going to do when you graduate?

Pillow: He probably won't find a job anyway.

Curtains: Hey boss, want me to pull up for the day?

Me: Please, no. Just let me sleep for 7 more minutes.

Alarm Clock: No. You hit snooze 6 times yesterday, we are not starting this again. Go ahead curtains, let him have it.

Me: Arrrrrgh!

Sun: Morning you lil' bitch! Yeah, got my sh*t all up in them eyes, how you like that!?

Alarm Clock: 9,900 DEGREES, THAT'S WHY THEY CALL HIM MR. FARENHEIT!

Me: OK, fine, I'm up, I'm up.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1328040"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/3/collegehumor.91e0acec2f6fc184dcac808329183544.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-04 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1328040">Tommy</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:205"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 40 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1915759 Joanna Krupa is Pissed Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:58:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1915759 Joanna Krupa is Pissed nonadult comedy You'd be pissed too if you were an uncredited extra in Scary Movie 4. joanna krupa, celebrity, angry, tv, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1915759"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/6/collegehumor.22de1da21c525a52808ab146400e1eed.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 13 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775923 Roommate Confessions: Issue 78 Mon, 18 May 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775923 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

After I had a party in our apartment, you complained about our tub being dirty because of my friends and I doing shotguns in it. So I cleaned the tub. I used your loofah to do it though. Then I used it to scrub the floors and walls and even our dirty fungus covered toilet. A couple weeks later, I put that same loofah in our clogged toilet (after another party). Then I put some of the trash into your soap. But it's okay since you don't actually use your loofah. I mean, you haven't actually washed your dirty self in a week anyways? White trash.
Laura S, Towson University



So, you always thought you had complete rights to our room every weekend. You and your beastly girlfriend would lay up in your top bunk and do whatever it is wildabeasts do to reproduce. Your actions were inexcusable, and possibly illegal in several states. The after-sex smell on Monday mornings was horrendous... so I knew I had to put a stop to this. Luckily, bunk beds aren't held together with cement. I loosened a few screws, pulled the beds apart just a bit, and waited for you two love-bears to come home. I wasn't there to watch you two go at it, but I heard the outcome from across the hall. After the atom-bomb went off in my dorm room and you two left in anger, I had the room to myself. It was a good weekend, huh?!
Mike H., School Not Given

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:326"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/9/collegehumor.45397a4c6c8241522ef776b95348cf0f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-05-18 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:326">Jeff Rosenberg</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 151 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1909665 Melody of Obnoxious Songs Thu, 30 Apr 2009 17:48:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1909665 Melody of Obnoxious Songs nonadult comedy For a melody this great, we're willing to pretend we find Paula Cole songs obnoxious. music, music video, garfunkel & oates, melody, Cute girl playing an instrument, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1909665"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/a/collegehumor.497dcb60c6ef43c8a6df2c3a14c55eba.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 284 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1909711 Stand By Me Around The World Fri, 01 May 2009 13:50:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1909711 Stand By Me Around The World nonadult comedy Almost as inspiring as "Bat Outta Hell." Stand By Me, World, Music, Music Video, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1909711"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/b/collegehumor.34f0ed4ebb79267ff166545bc0c1002d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 245 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> <![CDATA[It says 1,000 terms for masturbating but, to be fair, you'd probably never use 293 of them]]> http://www.collegehumor.com/hotlink:213307 Thu, 16 Apr 2009 08:00:02 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1907877 Woman's Insane Police Chase Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:34:57 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1907877 Woman's Insane Police Chase nonadult comedy "Hope you cops like DONUTS! For real though I'm getting arrested." police chase, car, driving, crazy, police, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1907877"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/e/collegehumor.fa63bc3d6c63733d354a5d2e6253e1f0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 232 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> <![CDATA[Ruin a Poll: Lower right, vote Meth!]]> http://www.collegehumor.com/hotlink:212801 Wed, 08 Apr 2009 10:00:05 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1904623 From Crayola's new line: Teen Angst Sun, 22 Mar 2009 15:48:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1904623 From Crayola's new line: Teen Angst nonadult comedy From Crayola's new line: Teen Angst funny product, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1904623"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.4924c344bb939b1f36cd43850bf0575c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1410307">Not Jerry</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 15 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1904835 Star Wars Cantina Band Music on Harp Sun, 22 Mar 2009 15:33:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1904835 Star Wars Cantina Band Music on Harp nonadult comedy This kid's power and agility stats are through the roof. star wars, harp, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1904835"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/5/collegehumor.5f3eba46065b936b0731c4d539c9ef65.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 122 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772300 What Will Kevin Do For Ricky's Money: YES Edition Wed, 18 Mar 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772300 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua seven times in a row and attempted to eat everything in our office's vending machine.
There's something about the rules of this game that we don't like though: the part where Kevin has a choice. That makes the whole thing seem...what's the word? What's the word? Wussy.

So, for the next "What Will Kevin Do for Ricky's Money," the rules are going to be a bit different AND we want you to play the game with us.
Leave the best dares you can think of in the comments section and we'll pick our favorite. And then we'll make Kevin do it.




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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-03-18 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 29 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772362 Issue One Hundred: St. Patrick's Day Drinking Problem Edition Tue, 17 Mar 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772362 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
A lot of my friends take alcoholism very seriously, but it's more of a Christmas and Easter thing for me.
-John O'Connor
I thought getting my dog drunk would be really funny, but he just throws up like everyone else.
-Andrew Roth
If funerals were like college parties
How did I know the deceased? I didn't, but one of my friends did and said there would be free beer.
-Hillary Fink
TI just invented a new cocktail combining my two favorite drinks:a sex on the beach and a Manhattan. It's called a Sex and the City.
-Shawn Pearlman
"I'm drunk, you're Asian, let's f*ck," has never worked as a pick-up line for me. But I refuse to throw it away, at least until I get to try it out on an Asian.
-Adam Newman
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-03-17 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 66 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1903770 Mom made sure the bottles were washed out and filled it with breast milk. But then Dad added Bacardi 151. Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:33:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1903770 Mom made sure the bottles were washed out and filled it with breast milk. But then Dad added Bacardi 151. nonadult comedy Mom made sure the bottles were washed out and filled it with breast milk. But then Dad added Bacardi 151. kid, baby, beer, labatt blue, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1903770"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/c/collegehumor.96d33073a21d07bba9c9456cb15c6ee2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:19377">Crisis</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 34 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771955 The Librarianist Wed, 11 Mar 2009 12:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771955 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:731262"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/b/collegehumor.f0993e93e2f8addfb79e13fb5899a096.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-03-11 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:731262">The Librarianist</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771808 Scott Meets Family Circus: Rainbow Mon, 09 Mar 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771808 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:10535"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/1/collegehumor.30cd5cce5d57eadad12e7341ede083b7.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-03-09 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:10535">Scott Gairdner</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 10 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771808 Scott Meets Family Circus: Rainbow Mon, 09 Mar 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771808 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:10535"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/1/collegehumor.30cd5cce5d57eadad12e7341ede083b7.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-03-09 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:10535">Scott Gairdner</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 10 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> <![CDATA[That is an awesome opening sentence]]> http://www.collegehumor.com/hotlink:210391 Wed, 04 Mar 2009 08:00:03 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1902094 Proof that there's such a thing as partying too hard. Mon, 02 Mar 2009 19:55:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1902094 Proof that there's such a thing as partying too hard. nonadult comedy Proof that there's such a thing as partying too hard. fail, group photo, spill, sloppy, drunk, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1902094"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/1/collegehumor.419dd129df0806b1c43e47818bcabd59.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1490956">Kris</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 40 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> <![CDATA[Ruin a Gallery: Everyone draw and submit a penis]]> http://www.collegehumor.com/hotlink:209682 Thu, 26 Feb 2009 08:00:05 -0500