CollegeHumor: User 1363990's Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759882 How I Imagined the Christian Bale Alleged Assault Occurred Wed, 30 Jul 2008 12:30:53 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759882 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Christian Bale: ...Although you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours. I simply am not there...

Christian's Mother: Thanks for...telling us that, honey.

Christian: You like Huey Lewis and the News? Their early work was a lit--

Mother: No I prefer good music.

Christian: You didn't let me finish...

Christian's Sister: Say bro, got any Dunkaroos I can snack on?

Christian: You're going to have the roasted duck with peanut butter soup. New York Matinee called it a playful, but mysterious little dish.

Sister: Nah, that sounds pretty bad

Christian (mutters): You're a f*cking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death. Then play around with your blood.

Sister: WHAT? Did... did you think we couldn't hear that for some reason? Cause we totally could.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1363990"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/0/collegehumor.34b5793c915ce2eb7c5903d09df53e72.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-30 12:30:53 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1363990">Patrick</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 146 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />