Jesse Gold's Articles

4 total in February 2007

  • Origins of Modern Sexual Terms - "Bukkake"

    by Jesse Gold February 22, 2007
    BUKKAKE – a sexual practice in which a woman allows herself to be ejaculated upon by several gents
    On Sundays, the Thompsons watched bukkake in lieu of performing it because they did not want to soil their church clothes.

    It is widely believed that bukkake was invented and popularized in the 1970's by Japanese pornographers. This is false. Like most Japanese expressions of creativity such as anime or suicide, bukkake was copied from an American notion.
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  • Origins of Modern Sexual Terms - "Dildo"

    by Jesse Gold February 15, 2007
    DILDO – a phallic object used for sexual stimulation
    On Valentine's Day, the man bought a dildo for his wife because he was an utterly useless and loathsome person.

    It is well documented that women have used penile surrogates throughout history, often taking the form of foreign objects such as vegetables or scimitars. However, the actual word "dildo" can only be traced back to the Middle Ages, when it had its original spelling: "dilldough." Dilldoughs were elongated loaves of bread impregnated with the oils and leaves of the dill plant, which peasant women in parts of Europe and Africa would insert into their vaginas for a variety of reasons: to house the bread while traveling to avoid taxation, to hide it from their neighbors or children, a generally ineffective deterrent to rape, Tuesday, and as a repellent to witchcraft. Dilldoughs for pleasure were not developed until the nineteenth century, because women had not yet evolved clitorises until this point.



    (From The Vespasian Psalter – Naughty Bits, Eighth Century A.D.)
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  • Origins of Modern Sexual Terms - "Jism"

    by Jesse Gold February 08, 2007
    JISM – a vulgar slang term for semen (also jizz or j-spray)
    Rumbletum Bear and Tricky Duck saw that the dead prostitute's mouth was caked with Old Mister Owl's jism.

    The Welsh painter Dafydd Morgan was touring the United States in 1849, exhibiting his new series of portraits. Each of the portraits featured somebody from the village where Morgan was born. The paintings also featured an original style, dominated by white, translucent smudges throughout each piece.

    During a question-and-answer session in Philadelphia, Morgan was asked if he had a name for his original style of painting, to which he responded, "It's Smudgism." This was invariably misheard as "It's my jism," due to the accent. The meaning of the new word "jism" was understood from the context of the dirty, dirty foreigner and Dafydd Morgan was tried for offending the sensibilities of the aristocracy, was found innocent, but was summarily stoned to death anyhow. The paintings were burned, but the word "jism" remained, presumably because it is the only word on Dafydd Morgan's tombstone.



    (Self-Portrait of Dafydd Morgan from Degenerates of Wales and Their Art by Meinwen Whorehouse)
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  • Origins of Modern Sexual Terms - "XXX"

    by Jesse Gold February 01, 2007
    XXX – an identifier for pornography, especially pornographic movies
    The father warned his children not to look in the folder labeled "XXX" or else he and their mother would get divorced and punch them.

    The X's in "XXX" originally meant the same as the X's in the phrase "XOXO," which means "kiss, hug, kiss, hug," as one might put at the end of an informal letter to one's mother or priest. Up through the late 1950's, it was considered indecent to have a man kiss a woman more than three times in a motion picture, and those that surpassed this limit were labeled as "XXX" or "kiss, kiss, kiss" and were thus deemed unsuitable for anyone under the age of thirty-five. Standards have since changed and today the X's refer to the amount of penises inside a single orifice.


    (Photo courtesy of the Portsmouth Island Smut Society)
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