Ivy League:
Campus police responding to a noise complaint at Wrenington Social Hall at 2:34am
reported evidence of "excessive folly" and what "seemed to be just a gay time" after
arriving at the scene. Sophomore Plimpert B. Rothington IV was briefly taken into custody after insisting officers accept a copy of his family crest in lieu of I.D. but all charges were dropped after his father called.
Seven Sisters:
4 lesbians were arrested last night for trespass after campus security refused
them a permit for a late night summoning ceremony of the bitch goddess Lilith on the central quad. The names of the four students are being withheld, but according to police reports they're all anthropology and sexuality studies majors and smelled terrible.
Fashion School:
Freshman Violet Franz was hospitalized after attempting to overdose on
lipstick after failing her dress making final. Doctors say she'll make a full
recovery, thanks largely to the copious amounts of cocaine in her system
at the time.
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