CollegeHumor: User 1549923's Articles

CollegeHumor: User 1549923's Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794470 5 Minor Changes That Would Trick Me Into Buying Sarah Palin's New Book Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794470 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-18 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794173 Aladdin Finds a Loophole Mon, 16 Nov 2009 17:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794173 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Aladdin: Genie, I've got my first wish.

Genie: Alright, let's hear it.

Aladdin: I want Princess Jasmine to lust for me non-stop.

Genie: Uh-uh, I can't make anyone fall in love with -

Aladdin: No. Lust. Like, she wants to bang me all the time, day and night. No love required.

Genie: Oh...come on. That's pretty much the same thing.

Aladdin: I live on the streets and my best friend is the monkey from Outbreak, you think I'm ready for a steady girlfriend?

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-16 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 222 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794006 Luke Skywalker Gets Adopted Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794006 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Uncle Owen: So...you think this is the best idea?

Obi-Wan: Of course, you're Luke's only living relative. Where else is he supposed to go?

Uncle Owen: I was thinking anywhere else. This is absolutely the first place that anyone would look for him.

Obi-Wan: Who's gonna be looking for him?

Uncle Owen: Hmmm...maybe ANAKIN?! My psycho half-brother who is now Emporer Palpatine's apprentice. Remember him?

Obi-Wan: Uncle Owen, I chopped off his legs and watched him get all burned up. It's not like anyone has the technology to heal him.

Uncle Owen: What?! They absolutely do. We can travel at light speed through outer space, we sure as hell can heal some burn victim who has magic powers. I've got a bad feeling about this...

Obi-Wan: I wouldn't worry. It's not like he'd be able to find you.

Uncle Owen: Oh yeah, I'm sure the Emporer's right hand man would never think to check his home planet, his only living relative, or the only other person in the galaxy named "Skywalker." Can't we call him something else? How about Luke Smith?

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-09 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 83 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793655 New Sim On the Block Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793655 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Bill: Hello, new acquaintance.

Dave: Hey, neighbor, can I ask you something?

Bill: City hall. Rain cloud. Dollar sign.

Dave: Um, yeah. Listen, I really need a friend. My boss says I can't get promoted until I get one and learn something about cooking. Life in politics is not what I imagined.

Bill: Soccer ball. Earth. Ghost!

Dave: Uh...huh.

Bill: I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!

Pause.

Dave: So....you watch any sports or anything?

Bill: Backrub?

Dave: Um, no thanks. I only ask because my TV only gets four channels, and they all speak this non-sense jibberish language. It's so weird.

Bill: Backrub?

Dave: Uh, still no, thanks.

Bill: Tickle!

Dave: Haaaa...very funny. That was not at all awkward.

Bill: We're friends now.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-30 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 381 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793150 4 Most Famous Ghosts Caught by the Ghostbusters Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793150 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-23 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 38 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792647 The Legend of the Legend of Zelda Fri, 16 Oct 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792647 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Legend...wait for it...ofzelda!

Link: Huzzah! I've conquered innumerable foes, overcome impossible odds, trekked far and wide, come to the brink of death, defeated the unstoppable Ganon, and saved the fair princess!

Zelda: Yes, and for years to come, people will speak of the Legend of Zelda!

Link: Yes, the Legend of...what?

Zelda: Zelda - the legendary princess who was kidnapped and braved being trapped for a while until some elf guy saved her!

Link: I...I think you have this backwards. I'm the one who did all of the exciting stuff that would be considered legendary. It'll be the legend of Link that everyone talks about.

Zelda: Ugh, Link? That's not even a real name. Nope, that legend's all about Zelda.

Link: But...you didn't do anything.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-16 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 335 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791176 Before the Silent Film Begins... Wed, 09 Sep 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791176 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-09 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 35 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790486 5 Filmmakers' Greatest Shame Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790486 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> 1. JJ ABRAMS (writer of Gone Fishin')

The master of the overly complex mysteries of Lost/Alias/Fringe, omnipresent lens flares of Star Trek, and frizzy hair of Felicity hasn't always been able to spin engaging plots with fresh, interesting characters. In fact, JJ (at the time known as "Jeffrey") may have made the most ridiculously, jaw-droppingly bad buddy comedy of all-time: Gone Fishin'. In case the pairing of Joe Pesci and Danny Glover as wacky fishin' pals who get into wild hijinks in an attempt to go fishing (really) isn't enough for you, just watch the film and prepare for his greatest mystery of all: how did this movie ever got made? Nothing is funny, the hijinks are non-sensical, and it contains possibly the most uncomfortable Willie Nelson cameo of all-time. SPOILER ALERT! They don't even catch any fish.

Extra Bit of Ridiculous: Dean Cain's dad directed it.

2. JOSS WHEDON (writer of Alien: Resurrection)

Millions of geeks praise everything Joss Whedon touches without even needing to think. Joss Whedon has a new show? IT WAS THE MOST BRILLIANT SHOW OF ALL-TIME! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT GOT CANCELLED! Joss Whedon makes a sandwich? SINGLE GREATEST SANDWICH EVER! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT GOT EATEN! Joss Whedon makes a third sequel to Alien? IT WAS THE...oh, the one with Winona Ryder? Ew. That crap was terrible. Whedonites try to forget their Lord/Master/Rich Man's Diablo Cody ever had his hand in that pot, but helping Winona Ryder stay employed is something that should be punishable by death.

Extra Bit of Ridiculous: The director's next film? Amelie.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-14 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 94 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790031 Don Draper Invents the Pop-Up Ad Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790031 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Don: When a man visits a website, he's looking for something more than code and images. He's looking for...himself. He's looking for something that makes him special. But a man is nothing if he feels lost in the vastness and anonymity of the internet.

Campbell: Where are you going with this, Draper?

Don: What if the ad existed on it's own separate window? A window that would just "pop-up," as if out of thin air? Like a lightbulb flashing above your head - here it is. It's the answer to the question you didn't even know you were asking.

Campbell: But why wouldn't he just minimize or close the window? What's so special about it?

Don: It's not the window that's special, Campbell. It's the man who clicks it. In fact, the window isn't a window at all. It's a mirror. It's a reflection of the man's specialness...his soul. It tells him that he's the one millionth visitor, and he's won a free iPod Shuffle.

Campbell: That's preposterous!

Don: Even if he isn't actually the one millionth visitor, he's still one in a million. He's unique, he's special. That's why the ad popped up. Because of him. The pop-up ad is just for him, no one else. That's why he clicked it.

Campbell: But we can't just give away millions of iPod Shuffles!

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-24 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 45 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789763 Welcome to Fox River Maximum Security Dorm Tue, 18 Aug 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789763 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Jon: Hey, you must be my roommate, Horace. I'm -

Everyone gains the freshman fifteen...stab wounds, that is.

H-Job: Shut the hell up, man. I ain't no Horace. I'm your new cellie, name's H-Job.

Jon: ...oookay. You're a little older than I-

H-Job: WANT ME TO SHIV YOU, FISH? I said shut the f*ck up and in H-Job's dorm cell you listen to what H-Job says. So what you in for?

Jon: Pre-Med.

H-Job: Ooo, rough, fish. That's some hard time you got ahead of you. I'm doin' 5 years, 4 with good behavior.

Jon: What're you in for?

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-18 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 16 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789527 The Twist: A Preview of M. Night Shyamalan's New Script Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789527 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-12 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 20 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789121 Batman 3 Rumors and News Thu, 06 Aug 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789121 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-06 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 42 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788619 The Brighter Side of the Recession Wed, 29 Jul 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788619 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Are you the non-confrontational CEO of a company that needs to make some massive layoffs? Just show this helpful PowerPoint presentation to your employees and everyone can walk away happy. Well, you can. Everyone else can be escorted out of the building by security happy.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-29 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 48 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788463 A Day At the Mission: Impossible Office Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788463 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> "Desk chairs" have been deemed "too possible" for the IMF cubicles.
Director Brassel: Agent Hunt, how's that mission going? The one where you're supposed to draw a triangle with three obtuse angles?

Agent Hunt: Uh, not well. It's completely impossible. I'm really not sure why that's a mission.

Director Brassel: Hunt, you work on the Impossible Mission Force! We're supposed to be the best of the best. Do you realize you have a 0% success rate on all of your missions?

Agent Hunt: Everyone here has a 0% success rate. We take on missions that literally are not possible. Remember my last mission?

Director Brassel: Your mission to capture 10 live dodos or to travel faster than the speed of light but slower than the speed of sound?

Agent Hunt: Either one. They're just things that no one can complete.

Director Brassel: What about that one time your brother Ethan got those files while suspending himself from the ceiling with Ving Rhames? Everyone was all like, "No way! That's impossible! Ving Rhames will never agree to it!" But he did and it worked!

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-24 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787624 Cyber Consequences Mon, 13 Jul 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787624 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-13 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 371 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787519 Magical Education 2.0 Tue, 07 Jul 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787519 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-07 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 250 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787223 The Sixth Sense and Sensibility Tue, 07 Jul 2009 13:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787223 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

One Month Ago...

Dr. Malcolm Crowe: So, Anna, how was yoga?

Silence.

Dr. Malcolm Crowe: Okay...are you still mad at me for getting shot in the gut last month? The silent treatment is really getting old. I don't know how many times you want me to apologize for being shot by a mentally-unbalanced former patient. It's not like I asked for him to shoot me and have me bleed all over your new bed sheets. Was it because of the bed sheets?

Silence.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-07 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 20 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1778046 Leaked Excerpts from the LOST Series Finale (SPOILERS!!!) Fri, 19 Jun 2009 13:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1778046 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Get ready to kick yourself over some of these answers to long-standing mysteries! Duh! It was SO obvious! How did we not figure some of these out?

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-19 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 18 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1777282 Your Changing Body: College Edition Fri, 12 Jun 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1777282 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Meet Johnny - a caterpillar about to enter his cocoon: a dorm that smells like feet and ramen

This is Johnny! Johnny is hygenic, well-shaven, not an alcoholic, and dresses like Carlton Banks. He's a freshman at State University Community College and is about to go through a process that will change his body forever: "college."

Johnny recently began his classes, and he has been feeling a little strange. Johnny's gut is bigger, he sleeps for 10 hours a day, he calls everyone "bro," and his liver is starting to fail. That's because his body is changing! Johnny must have a lot of questions, and we have answers!

I've noticed that I'm getting way fatter!

Good catch, Johnny! When someone is going through college, they will gain lots of weight due to excessive beer intake, replacing the food pyramid with a stack of Pizza Rolls and burritos, and only excercising when its Wii-based.

Everyone around me seems to be growing man-boobs. Will that happen to me too?

Absolutely, Johnny! Breasts aren't just for girls anymore. As your body runs out of places to store your excess fat, your chest will begin to fill out nicely. You might want to get a training bra, because your low self-esteem isn't the only thing in need of support anymore!

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-12 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 42 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776700 4 Things That Should Have Made Mario Controversial Thu, 04 Jun 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776700 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

There was a time when videogames were pretty controversial, with every news show saying that playing a game of Pokemon would turn you from an innocent, doe-eyed youth into a violent, doe-eyed killing machine. But somehow the Mario games never seemed to be too controversial, even though they managed to get some pretty messed-up messages subtly communicated to kids across the world. Maybe we should think twice before letting children play with fat, stereotypically-depicted plumbers who spend all day killing turtles...

The Mario franchise really hates Italians. Besides Mario and Luigi being portly stereotypical Italian plumbers (whose last names are Mario), the first enemy you encounter in the game is a "goomba." Very few game feature straight up racial slurs and get away with it. There are two possibilities: either the Japanese are still pissed that Italy totally bailed on them early in World War II, or whoever translated Super Mario Bros. into English had a really bad experience at the Olive Garden.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-04 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 60 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />