Jeff & Patrick's Articles

2 total in October 2009

  • Brain Filler

    Five Searches Wikipedia Does Wrong

    by Jeff & Patrick October 21, 2009


    As the authors of such seminal columns as "Cars Crashing Through Walls in Sitcoms" and "The Ten Grossest Hollywood Thumbs-Into-Eyes," we end up at Wikipedia a lot. Sometimes you want to research one thing, perhaps a rogue intergalactic smuggler, but for some reason Wikipedia sends you to an article about something with the same name that's significantly less important. Here are five egregious examples we've come across in our travels.

    Han Solo

    SHOULD BE: Star Wars character and space scoundrel Han Solo
    IS: Species of trilobite Han solo

    Type the name of the universe's most famous Nerf Herder and you won't be whisked to a galaxy far, far away, but to Chinese rock formations where the slug-like trilobite Han solo can be found in fossil form. It's surprising that George Lucas, who's spent the last 20 years systematically tailoring every last insignificant detail of his Trilogy with CGI, hasn't logged a complaint on the Wikipedia discussion forums. Perhaps he's relying on fans to correct the error - a mistake, since all the truly passionate Star Wars fans go straight to Wookiepedia.

    Oregon Trail

    SHOULD BE: Oregon Trail the computer game
    IS: Oregon Trail the trail

    There was a time when entertainment meant picking something from three networks, four radio stations, or, God forbid, reading a book. Everyone enjoyed everything, because there was so little to enjoy. However, once we discovered the Internet, we divided ourselves into sub-sub-genres and take pride in enjoying things other people haven't discovered yet. We no longer share anything -- most people don't enjoy either America's most popular song or our #1 TV show, much less both (Jay Sean's "Down"and Mark Harmon's "NCIS," respectively). What's the one thing we all still have in common? The educational computer game Oregon Trail. It's been around since 1974, which is earlier than most people believe computers were invented. Not everyone in the 1800s decided to adventure West, but everyone born since 1980 has at some point sat down to play this game. That's why, somehow, Oregon Trail the computer game is more important than the historical events on which it is based.

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  • Brain Filler

    11 Alternate Dinosaur Extinction Theories

    by Jeff & Patrick October 07, 2009


    For centuries Man wondered what wiped out the dinosaurs millions of years ago. Then a bunch of know-it-all scientists ruined our fun and told us it was probably just a big rock from space. But that hasn't stopped science fiction from offering its own insane theories on what (or what evil alien race) killed off our reptilian predecessors.


    THEORY:
    A meteorite did wipe out most of the dinosaurs, but the impact also created a parallel dimension where they continued to evolve
    THEORIST:
    Super Mario Bros. (the movie)


    What exactly is a koopa? Bowser seems to be a cross between a turtle and a dinosaur, but then what does he want with the human Princess? Controversial issues like these made the story of Super Mario Bros. difficult to adapt. The writers decided that koopas were dinosaurs who had been hiding out in another dimension, and while most had evolved into something vaguely human one had become Dennis Hopper. They were also apparently such big fans of Mario, they insisted that the exposition explaining the scenario be animated using the SNES classic Mario Paint.
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