Hallie Cantor's Articles

3 total in August 2008

  • Simple Ways to Slack Off at Work

    Some people think that slacking off at work means concocting elaborate alibis about mysterious recurring dental ailments just to cautiously sneak out a few precious minutes early. These people are wrong. Slacking off can be as easy as falling off a log...while you're sleeping...and a powerful tornado is blowing you off the log. Choose any of these effortless tricks and you too can become a World Champion Slacker!

    Follow this simple NASA model to make your periscope.
    BossWatch3000
    Build a periscope for your cubicle. By placing mirrors at precisely the right angle within a bent tube made of connected toilet paper rolls, you'll be able to be slack off from 9 to 5 without fearing an unexpected visit from the boss man. Nothing will help you relax at work like constantly monitoring your surroundings!

    The Ol' Type 'n Switch
    In your spare time, record yourself typing a 50-page paper (preferably a defense of the physico-theological proof of the existence of God in Kant's Critique of Pure Reason, though the work of any 18th-century German philosopher will do!). Then play the recording when you're at work. The sound of your diligent, thoughtful key-tapping will mask the violent stabbing of the space bar as you gleefully shoot at alien spaceships.

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  • Famous Novelists' Letters Home From College

    Henry David Thoreau:


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  • Your Dreamcatcher


    Caldwell Tanner puts the "chill" in "CH Illustrator."

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    • Hallie Cantor Brown

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