Hallie Cantor's Articles

2 total in July 2008

Mythical Creature Convention
by Hallie Cantor July 16, 2008

Here, here!
Abominable Snowman: Most illustrious and distinguished creatures, my greatest thanks for your presence. After centuries apart, we are finally reunited with the estimable goal of wreaking havoc on the Earth!
(Polite applause.)
Bigfoot: I hereby volunteer myself to remain behind the scenes, monitoring our efforts, as the two of you begin a timed attack across the globe.
Loch Ness Monster: You are too kind, my sizably-footed comrade. In truth, though, I must share my chief concern: that leaving the icy bosom of my watery domicile may prove unwise...in this changing climate. Let me remain behind.
Abominable Snowman: I cherish your generosity, but this fear is unfounded. Surely you realize that global warming is but a spurious myth! My perch in the majestic Himalayas offers me the best vantage point from which to supervise our attack. I insist.
Bigfoot: No, no, I will not hear of it! You will be too far away in the mountains. I shall be the one to stay back, and you two shall enjoy the glory of battle.
Abominable Snowman: I beg of you, be not so selfless!
Loch Ness Monster: Friends, it seems we are at an impasse. Very well; I will admit to the fear that smolders within each of our breasts. I am but a simple creature and as such I do not wish to venture out and subject myself to the dangerous gaze of Man. To do so would be to betray the holiest value in our credo: to remain shrouded in mystery, veritably doused in mystique, cast for all eternity in the ranks of a questioned existence, forever doubted and denied!
(Polite applause.)

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Camp Counselor Buddy Jones Gives a Pep Talk
by Hallie Cantor July 08, 2008

Gather 'round, kiddos! We've got a choice for afternoon activity. Softball with Pete or Arts and Crafts with Bianca. If you want softball, raise your hand. Hands down. Arts and Crafts, raise your hand. Anyone? Well, okay, don't cheer yet. That was a preliminary vote to see where everyone stands on the issue.

Now, we've got all of Rest Hour to make this decision. As your counselor, your friend and your mentor, I urge you to reconsider. Softball is fine for the brutes over in Cabin 9, but Arts and Crafts is a far more suitable, even noble, pastime for young men such as yourselves. Especially under Bianca's tutelage! She's so talented, and considerate...Gentle. Pretty. Like a delicate daffodil swaying in the breeze.

You know, if you guys would have a little more respect for Arts and Crafts, people might take us more seriously as a cabin. Remember that first day of camp when you were working on macaroni necklaces? I leaned over to Bianca and whispered seductively in her ear that I'd like to give her a pearl necklace. Playful yet sensual. The perfect opening line. But she turned her head away from the table so she wouldn't have to look at your pathetic excuses for macaroni-based artwork! Yes, yours too, Evan. Don't think because you ate most of your macaroni pieces that you're off the hook. What, were those 4 hot dogs you had at lunch not enough for you, little piggy? Huh?

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Mythical Creature Convention

Camp Counselor Buddy Jones Gives a Pep Talk

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