Brian Murphy's Articles

2 total in November 2009

  • Work Sucks, I Know

    Issue #18

    by Brian Murphy 5 days ago


    Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!


    I used to lifeguard at a country club. One day, an older patron came up to me and complained that the pool was "far too blue." I apologized and offered to "green it up a bit." The patron proceeded to report me to my boss, who agreed that the pool was too blue and my conduct was disrespectful. The next day, the pool was a little too brown, if you catch my drift. My boss sure caught it.
    -George

    I work at a gas station, so I get my share of creeps and perverts on a daily basis. One day, a 60 year old man came in and decided to tell me how his wife had just left him. He went on to tell me how beautiful I was, and how he could use a girl like me on his farm. He asked if any of my friends would be interested after I declined his invitation to "go back to his place after work for some fun".
    -Michelle

    I work at a family owned restaurant, one day I had question for my one of my bosses. I went down to the office and walked in on both my bosses having sex.
    -Kaitlyn
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  • The Mega Man Bosses Have Had Enough

    by Brian Murphy just now
    Cutsman: Sir, me and the other robots have been talking.

    Dr. Wily: You aren't developing feelings are you? I don't have time for any Pinocchio sh*t.

    Cutsman: No, no! It's just...we think you're going about this "destroy Mega Man" thing the wrong way.

    Dr. Wily: How so?

    Cutsman: Well, seeing as Mega Man can absord powers, maybe you should make us all the same type so he can't exploit our weaknesses.

    Dr. Wily: Each of you is a unique manifestation of my evil genius.

    Cutsman: You don't see anything wrong with making a "Cutsman" and a guy with rock powers?

    Dr. Wily: Nope.

    Cutsman: Have you ever played "Rock, Paper, Scissors?" It's like that, except with Mega Man using rock powers to kill me.
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    See More: Mega Man Conversations
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Brian Murphy
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I'm a master of pool supplies and general pool upkeep.

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