Meat Loaf: You like it when The Loaf kisses your neck?

Girl: Ohhhh yeah, baby. Just like th- Wait!

Meat Loaf: What's wrong?

Girl: You can't just get right to it like that.

Meat Loaf: Why not?

Girl: We need...you know. Foreplay.

Meat Loaf: Oh. Wow. Yeah. Not really my thing.

Girl: I thought you said you'd do anything for love?

Meat Loaf: Right. But I won't do that.

Girl: That's what you were talking about? I always thought it was something more profound...

Meat Loaf: Nope. I just don't like going down on chicks.

Girl: So you'd go to "hell and back" before you'd perform oral sex on me?

Meat Loaf: Haha, now you're just trying to make me sound bad.

Girl: I just don't think it's fair.

Meat Loaf: Look, The Loaf doesn't need foreplay to get chicks wet.

Cutsman: Sir, me and the other robots have been talking.

Dr. Wily: You aren't developing feelings are you? I don't have time for any Pinocchio sh*t.

Cutsman: No, no! It's just...we think you're going about this "destroy Mega Man" thing the wrong way.

Dr. Wily: How so?

Cutsman: Well, seeing as Mega Man can absord powers, maybe you should make us all the same type so he can't exploit our weaknesses.

Dr. Wily: Each of you is a unique manifestation of my evil genius.

Cutsman: You don't see anything wrong with making a "Cutsman" and a guy with rock powers?

Dr. Wily: Nope.

Cutsman: Have you ever played "Rock, Paper, Scissors?" It's like that, except with Mega Man using rock powers to kill me.

Uncle Owen: So...you think this is the best idea?

Obi-Wan: Of course, you're Luke's only living relative. Where else is he supposed to go?

Uncle Owen: I was thinking anywhere else. This is absolutely the first place that anyone would look for him.

Obi-Wan: Who's gonna be looking for him?

Uncle Owen: Hmmm...maybe ANAKIN?! My psycho half-brother who is now Emporer Palpatine's apprentice. Remember him?

Obi-Wan: Uncle Owen, I chopped off his legs and watched him get all burned up. It's not like anyone has the technology to heal him.

Uncle Owen: What?! They absolutely do. We can travel at light speed through outer space, we sure as hell can heal some burn victim who has magic powers. I've got a bad feeling about this...

Obi-Wan: I wouldn't worry. It's not like he'd be able to find you.

Uncle Owen: Oh yeah, I'm sure the Emporer's right hand man would never think to check his home planet, his only living relative, or the only other person in the galaxy named "Skywalker." Can't we call him something else? How about Luke Smith?

Tired of your old Photoshop filters? Adobe just released five new ones to make your life even better (or at least seem that way).

Roll over each image to see the new filters in action.

Disclaimer: Tweets are chronologically backwards for the sake of readability

There comes a time in a professional wrestler's career when cutting a mean promo on the Ultimate Warrior isn't creatively satisfying. They need more. They need to write and perform terrible songs for people to laugh at. Maybe they overestimated their talents, or perhaps they took a few too many chairshots to the head. Regardless, here are seven grapplers who picked up way more than they could body slam.

Professional wrestlers need a gimmick. Shawn Michaels was vain. The Undertaker was an undead warrior who drew mystical power from an urn. Stone Cold was a wife-beating alcoholic. John Cena, arguably the most popular wrestler in the WWE today, intimidates his opponents with freestyle rap. It's a natural fit -- becoming a champion in pro-wrestling isn't about who has the best piledriver, it's about declaring yourself the best and challenging the sexuality of your opponents. After Cena recorded his own theme song, a rap about rap called "Basic Thuganmoics," the WWE decided there would be no more pussyfooting around and it was time to produce an entire album. The Doctor of Thuganmoics named his first record after his outright lie of a slogan, "You Can't See Me." It debuted at #15 on the Billboard Chart and remains the most commercially successful album by a pro-wrestler. Whether this real-world accomplishment is more impressive than his seven world championships and two tag-team championships, we'll let you decide.

Weird Al has adapted to the Internet better than any other artist from the 80's. His Chamillionaire parody "White and Nerdy" has over 50 million views on YouTube, and is currently one of the site's most popular videos of all-time. The song was his career peak, going all the way to#9 on the Billboard Hot 100 (his previous best - "Eat It" at #12 in1984). Since then he's explored digital distribution which, for the first time in his three decade career, has allowed him to parody current events and songs that are popular right now. Really, it's hard to believe Weird Al survived at all - much less thrived - before iTunes and YouTube. He recently released The Essential Weird Al collects 38 of Al's best songs into two discs.

CollegeHumor: How did you decide which were the greatest hits from your distinguished career?

Weird Al: It was tough. I've got twelve studio albums of material and I did have to leave off a lot of stuff that some fans think should have been on the essentials collection. There's some historically important ones missing. "My Bologna," isn't even on there, which was my first pseudo-hit. Even though My Bologna was historically important, it wasn't so brilliant I would consider it among my best work. So I had to weigh fan favorites with what I thought were songs that actually merited being on a best-of compilation.

CH: So you hand picked the songs yourself?

WA: I did, yeah.

CH: When you were going through your earlier albums, did you rediscover any material that you'd forgotten about?

WA: I don't think I'd actually literally forgotten about any of it but it was kinda nice to listen to some of the old tracks again that I hadn't heard in a while. It also was an opportunity to clean up a couple things. This new collection is completely remastered. It's not remixed, but we cleaned it up. I won't mention where exactly because I don't want people to obsess over it the way I did, but there were a couple songs that had a few little pops and ticks and just little things that probably most people have never heard before in their life but they'd been bugging me for 25 years.

Let's face it, you're a busy human being. Between sleeping in and putting it off, you've barely had time to come up with a good Halloween costume this year. Thank God we're here to help. Here are a few quick and easy Halloween costumes that are sure to make people go "oh, that's kind of funny I guess..."!


What you need

• Sheet
  
• Scissors
• Legs
  
• Heels
  

Tips for "selling it"

• Make sure to yell "boo" at least once during orgasm
  

What you need

• Too-tight T-shirt with stupid pattern on it
• Too-tight jeans
• Hair gel
• Imported beer
• Cigarette
• Scarf

Tips for "selling it"

• Scoff at most things people say
• Dance with your hands only, no hips
• Be generally obnoxious and dismissive of American customs

What you need

• Filthy dress shirt
  
• Loose necktie
  
• Bottle of whiskey
  
• Red blush for gin blossoms on nose and cheeks (or just rub your face raw all night, you'll probably be too drunk to feel it)
  

Tips for "selling it"

• Hit on younger girls
  
• Request Billy Ocean songs all night
  
• Pretend your excessive drinking is "just part of the costume"

Bill: Hello, new acquaintance.

Dave: Hey, neighbor, can I ask you something?

Bill: City hall. Rain cloud. Dollar sign.

Dave: Um, yeah. Listen, I really need a friend. My boss says I can't get promoted until I get one and learn something about cooking. Life in politics is not what I imagined.

Bill: Soccer ball. Earth. Ghost!

Dave: Uh...huh.

Bill: I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!

Pause.

Dave: So....you watch any sports or anything?

Bill: Backrub?

Dave: Um, no thanks. I only ask because my TV only gets four channels, and they all speak this non-sense jibberish language. It's so weird.

Bill: Backrub?

Dave: Uh, still no, thanks.

Bill: Tickle!

Dave: Haaaa...very funny. That was not at all awkward.

Bill: We're friends now.

It's Halloween again, which means it's time to try and come up with some ideas for an original costume that will entertain your friends, seduce your crushes and devastate your rivals. But please, during your quest for the perfect outfit, stay away from these five costumes. Chances are, they'll be all over the place.

What better way to pay homage to Maurice Sendak's timeless work than by dressing up like the main character, getting drunk and throwing up all over yourself? With the recently-released "Wild Things" movie enjoying huge popularity, there are sure to be more than a few homemade Max/wolf costumes this year. It's easy, it's comfortable and it lets the wearer feel edgy and hip without the fear of actually alienating anyone.

Better Suggestion: Build a 12-foot animatronic "Wild Thing" puppet and pay James Gandolfini to record every possible response you would say at a party. Wear the puppet and communicate using only the pre-taped lines.

Interior - The Spooky Old House Up the Block - Halloween Night
The old witch Mrs. Wilkins talks to her evil cat familiar, Hugo.

Mrs. Wilkins: Tonight's the night, Hugo. Tonight, when the moon is large and the spirits fly from their tombs, I shall take my revenge on the children of this town with razor blade-laced apples to spoil their goodie bags!

Hugo: Meow.

Doorbell rings. Mrs. Wilkins opens her front door, clutching a bowl of goodies.

Tommy and Lucy: Trick or Treat!

Mrs. Wilkins: Hello, little children. Would you like some candy? A Snickers bar? Some Nerds? Or perhaps an innocent, succulent APPLE!

Lightning. Thunderclap.

Tommy: Snickers bar!

Lucy: Yay! Nerds!

Mrs. Wilkins: Yeah, um... so no one wants the apple? Hmm? Anyone?

Lucy: No thanks! Bye, Mrs. Wilkins!

Mrs. Wilkins: No, wait! Hang on. I really think you kids should take this apple.

Tommy: Why?

Mrs. Wilkins: Why? Why? Because it's Halloween, that's why. This is a treat. You're trick-or-treaters. When I was a kid, I would have given anything for a juicy red apple like this. You could even say... I'd die for it.

Lightning. Thunderclap.

Tommy: Apples are gross.

Sometimes the best costumes are already...IN. YOUR. CLOSET.

Colonel Mustard BECOMES Van Pelt.
Last year you blew all your money on a realistic Colonel Mustard costume, and you just can't use that excuse two Christmases in a row. Instead, find an even more ridiculous mustache, add a pen-tip to your hat, and go as everyone's favorite Jumanji villian Van Pelt. An old-timey musket will complete the look, so put a call in to your grandpa ASAP.

Raymond Stantz BECOMES Roger Workman.
Everyone loved your Raymond Stantz costume last year, but this year you just don't have the time to make a Proton Pack from scratch. Instead, take the Ghostbusters patches off your khaki suit and replace them with Dharma Patches. Roger Work Man may be a more obscure character choice, but your homemade Ecto-Goggles lead us to believe you're a fan of Lost as well.