CollegeHumor: Stuff Caldwell and Doug Likes http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758079 To-Do Lists, According to Profession Thu, 26 Jun 2008 14:58:06 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758079 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Aging Rock Star:


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:329"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/e/collegehumor.769c8ffe4d5f7c92cee21b0e0bbed589.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-26 14:58:06 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:329">Emily Rose</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:549"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 155 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1757884 Ahead of His Time Mon, 23 Jun 2008 13:44:55 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1757884 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Producer: William, we must speak with each other of this new play you've written.
Shakespeare: Ah, yes. My latest is the tale of a...
Producer: Yes...yes, the story is fine. More than fine, William. It's just that we at The Globe take issue with some of your word choices.
Shakespeare: Alas, my words are not a choice! My quill is the true scribe of this volume, I merely act as interpreter!
Producer: Right...right. Yet, we can't help but notice that numerous words in this play just aren't - how shall I put this tenderly - words. You've invented them, have you not?
Shakespeare: Someday, sir, these words will be as normal as a cloud in the sky or a rat in your stew!
Producer: Someday, perhaps. But not now. Listen, William, it wouldn't be such a problem if these words had a discernible meaning. But "lackluster", "impede", "tranquil"? I couldn't even begin to imagine what sort of intention lies therein.
Shakespeare: Sir, you're acting as a muddlelump! Simply read the words in context!
Producer: Have you lost your miggle, sir? To call me a muddlelump only serves to illustrate what a billyham you're behaving as.!slice
Shakespeare: Billyham?! You sir, can count yourself lucky I am an honorable plebicanian or I would have your nose betwixt my two figglers. So help me God, I shall not be spoken to with such...such qual!
Producer: William, please calm yourself. If these kind of hannyhocks continue I fear this meeting will dissolve into fistifinks, and neither you nor I are the sort for that.
Shakespeare: You are correct, sir. I apologize. When my wenny is up I fear I can become a bit hornish. But I appeal to you on bended knick, please allow the play to be staged with its original words in tact.
Producer: I just don't know, William. "Gloomy"? "Elbow?" "Advertising," for God's sake? You believe the audience will be able to ascertain your intended point?
Shakespeare: Certigishly.
Producer: Well, if you feel so strongly about it, I will let the play go on as written. But I fear for its reception, William. It may be many years before the populace at large understands an utterance such as "bandit."
Shakespeare: We shall see, shall we not? Good day to you, sir. Bestbigsby!
Producer: Bestbigsby, William.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-23 13:44:55 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 92 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />