Thought dorm living was cramped?  Try living in a Pokeball.

Simply roll your mouse over the text to reveal its true meaning!

Embarrassing stuff happens to people all the time. For some reason, people like to share their humiliations with the world and most of the time, there are two sides to every embarrassing story. Rollover the text to learn the other sides of these real life humiliations that left people saying FML:

Long before the release of the movie The Informers based on his best-selling novel, Brett Easton Ellis has enjoyed a large fan following, and almost god-like status among some fiction fans. It should come as no surprise to these fans that he has also written a previously-unreleased Gospel of the Bible. The following are some excerpts from this just-released holy book.
 
We're at some party in Beverly Hills and Jesus is doing that thing where he multiplies loaves and fish. No one looks too impressed. I'm looking for a cigarette but I can't find one, so I duck into a bathroom to score some coke from Judas before going home and going to bed.
-ELLIS 3:16

Blaire tells me she's been sleeping with Jesus, she has been ever since I went away to school at Bentley. "That's fine, I say. "I've been sleeping with Him too." We don't talk the whole rest of the party. Later that night we do heroin together for the first time and take a nap.
-ELLIS 9:22

My First Car

-Hey Nick I like your car!

-Thanks.

-You look so hot in it.  How would you like to take me and ride off into the sunset where we can live together forever and have sex everyday?

-That sounds nice.

Indy 5 - Indiana Jones and the Scepter of Shaman-Ra
With Ford declining to return, Shia LaBeouf takes over the title role. Sidekick duties are taken up by series newcomer Joe Jonas, who appears as Indy's orphaned Chinese nephew in a performance most critics call "breathtakingly racist." Crew's apathy is apparent, and impressive CGI fails to cover fact that the film's third act plagiarizes directly from National Lampoon's "Animal House".

PostSecret is a place where guilty people upload handmade confessions, allowing them to combine 'art' with 'anonymous complaining.' But it's been around longer than you think.

1. Beat-boxing

People have to sit in awkward silence to enjoy listening to you do it. What's more: have you ever made eye contact with someone who's beatboxing? No. Because the serious and focused expression in their eyes is just too hard to look at, and obviously I'm not enjoying it, so faking amusmentis like lying right to your contorted face.

The question remains: is it less cool to show up with a controlled and rehearsed composition or to really go for it and throw in people's names and stuff? Either way, you're really good at beatboxing, and the better you are at it, the less cool it is.

What You Write In Your Essay	What It Means
Etcetera	I can't think of any other examples but don't want you to know that.
Thus...	These two points have nothing to do with each other, so I'll just connect them with a word I heard on Masterpiece Theater.
However...	That thing I just said was bullsh*t.
In other words...	I'm out of ideas but haven't written 10 pages yet, so I'll just start repeating what I already said.
Hamlet is a complex play.	I did not understand Hamlet.
Hamlet is an extremely complex play.	I did not read Hamlet.
The causes of the American Revolution are rather straightforward.	How the hell do you expect me to write 2,000 words about this?
As Dr. Jason Steinberg discusses in his work...	My professor can't fail me if I cite his own book, right?
The central philosophical conflict of The Brothers Karamazov is the conflict between religious faith and doubt.	Just because I'm in college now doesn't mean I'm above using SparkNotes.
The oil crisis of the 1970s was very PENIS.	My roommate is an assh*le who knows I don't proofread.
Research on the subject remains limited.	I didn't feel like looking anywhere besides Wikipedia for information.
Immanuel Kant's Critique of Pure Reason is a very important and relevant work.	I need to prove to my dad that majoring in philosophy was a good decision.
THijs book susckeed ethrre ewre no boosb!!!	I was lying when I said I write papers better when I'm drunk.
xiueyr984fowei	I passed out on the keyboard about 10 minutes ago.

More at www.nickgriffith.net

Train Horn-


Train: WATCH OUT. WATCH OUT, I AM A TRAIN.

Me: Ah! Jesus, what time is it?

Train: I AM THE 3AM TRAIN OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW. DON'T GO ONTO THE TRACKS!

Me: Wha- It's three o'clock in the morning. I was asleep, in my bed. In my home.

Train: CAN'T STOP TO TALK. I HAVE TO DELIVER A VERY IMPORTANT SHIPMENT OF NOTHING AT ALL. WATCH OUT FOR ME, THE TRAIN.

Me: I am not watching out. I am going back to sleep.

Train: WE COULD TALK A LITTLE, IF YOU WANT. I AM VERY LONELY!

 

The second time I heard the girl say Hey, it dawned on me that her voice was projecting specifically in my direction. I turned and saw the only Hispanic student in my first period math class. She was wearing a black windbreaker and dark blue jeans. Young and progressive, I reminded myself that she stood out only because of her black windbreaker.

I realized that I did not know this girl's name. She returned my blank stare with a blanker stare, revealing that she didn't know my name either. We both looked at each other in the way a person might look at their mailman if they ever ran into him at a grocery store on a Sunday.

"You have dog poop on your shoe," the girl said.

Doctor: Mr. Jones, would you have a seat up on the table?

Oh God.

Mr. Jones: Sure!

Doctor: Alright, we're just going to give you a general physical. I'll take your blood pressure, pulse...

No hernia, no hernia, no hernia...

Doctor: And, of course, we'll do a hernia exam.

It's so cold in here. This is gonna be embarrassing.

Doctor: Would you mind removing your pants?

OK. I can still come out of this with my head held high. If I think about sex just enough so that I'm at half staff, I should be able to impress her.