105%-O-Matic's Articles

2 total in November 2009

  • 105%

    Issue One Hundred and Thirty Two

    by 105%-O-Matic November 19, 2009


    No flash caligraphy.

    Traffic Ticket
    I got a traffic ticket the other day for not getting in any accidents. The cop told me he pulled me over for "wreckless driving."
    -Silas VanSky
    Thanksgiving at Norman Rockwell's House
    "Wait, so we have to stay totally still and not eat anything until the painting's done?"
    -Alex Schmidt
    Brother
    My brother is crazy. Crazy like a fox! Yesterday I saw him eating a possum on the side of the road
    -Amir Blumenfeld
    Math Question
    If a 410 pound gorilla is running east towards the White House at 22 mph, and Whoopi Goldberg is 27 miles behind the gorilla, pursuing him on a motorcycle at 68 mph, how much acid did I do?
    -Charlie K
    Argument
    I always used to punch any kid that said Mario was cooler than Sonic, then they took away my substitute teaching license.
    -Caldwell Tanner
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  • 105%

    Issue One Hundred and Thirty One

    by 105%-O-Matic November 05, 2009


    The Ordinary Edition.

    Howie Mandel
    Howie Mandel's soulpatch makes him look like he tried to grow a Hitler-stache but missed by a few inches.
    -Andrew B.
    Things Considered "A Waste of Time" By Luke Skywalker's Uncle
    1. Protecting the galaxy
    2. Picking up power converters
    -Patrick Cassels
    Anonymous
    All Alcoholics are Anonymous. After that many drinks, I can't remember my name either.
    -Jennifer Morris
    Grammar
    Drink, drank, drunk. Not a grammar lesson. A progression.
    -Kyle Edds
    Hamburglar
    Shouldn't the Hamburglar be called the Hamburger Burglar?
    -Aaron Jackson
    Friends' Moms
    I'm gonna watch '70s porn until I find a movie with one of my friends' moms in it.
    -Matt Pullman
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105%-O-Matic Bucks County Community College

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