105%-O-Matic's Articles

4 total in August 2009

105%

Issue One Hundred and Twenty-Three

by 105%-O-Matic August 27, 2009

In adequately sharp definition!
The Moon landing was a hoax. It was actually Mars. We didn't want to brag.
-Patrick Cassels
I wasn't a bad wrestler because I lost matches or I couldn't make weight. It was the uncontrollable farting whenever I got pinned.
-Adam Newman
I just found out my dad was a huge stud in college. Apparently he banged both the girls across the hall from me during Parents' Day.
-Conor McKeon
Z, the last letter in the alphabet, indicates sleep when there are many. Zzzzz. A, the first letter, indicates being very awake. Aaaaaaa!!!
-Shawn Pearlman
Rule of Thumb
It's not a finger.
-John Baglio

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Issue One Hundred and Twenty-Two

by 105%-O-Matic August 20, 2009

Available on Zip Drive.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you bore him for a lifetime.
-Boz Worthy
What's the difference between a unicyclist and a pancake?
Nothing, if your driving a steamroller.
-The NTC
A guy at a party was telling me that pennies weren't being made anymore because it actually costs more than once cent to make each penny. I said, "Wow, that's really boring. I wish I was talking to a girl."
-Adam Newman
Nightclub Philosophy
"Listen to a sh*tty '80s band? Well, When in Rome!"
-Patrick Cassels
If you wear a Tool shirt to a party you're saying more about your personality than your music preferences.
-Joe Bella
I took my last midterm on acid. I passed with flying colors.
-Kevin Scanlon

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Issue One Hundred and Twenty

by 105%-O-Matic August 13, 2009

300 Hours Free!
Do cowboys just call them hats?
-Fred Freiking
Allergies
When I was little I was allergic to strawberries. Last week I tried a strawberry, and to my surprise, I still hate my mother.
-Stephenie Ellis
God doesn't get mad. He gets even.
-Matt Z
I was sober for 12 years. And then I turned 12.
-Matt Larkson
Women face a glass ceiling when it comes to professional basketball. Roughly the bottom of the backboard.
-Lunk N
I was reading this book the other day and I couldn't decide if the word was pronounced "caramel" or "carmel." It ends up the word is pronounced "karma," and it's pretty fitting because I just murdered my English teacher.
-Ross Snow

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One Hundred and Nineteen

by 105%-O-Matic August 06, 2009

Issue One Hundred and Nineteen

It would probably suck to be Alice Cooper's kid and have to go to summer school.
-Conor McKeon

I stopped a cannibal from eating me by lying on the ground for 5 seconds.
-Gareth Barsby

Should a deaf child's mother wash their child's hands with soap everytime they swear?
-Ben Kamperschroer

Who doesn't love shark week?!?
Oh...right...probably victims and their families.
-Tom Graber

I came out of the closet to my parents last night...
Scared the sh*t out of 'em!
-Kevin Elliott

I think the best part about being tried as an adult in court is you can have cookies as your last meal.
-Conor McKeon

I wouldn't say I believe in God, but I do believe in something bigger and higher than us. Thats why I believe in a bear on stilts.
-Kevin Collins

I get high on drugs because they haven't developed a way to smoke life yet.
-Vincent Brugnoni

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