105%-O-Matic's Articles

4 total in October 2009

  • 105%

    Issue One Hundred and Thirty

    by 105%-O-Matic October 22, 2009


    Not suitable for children and the eternally young.

    "Saw VI" Used In A Sentence
    I Saw VI versions of the same movie.
    -Joseph Dominick
    Planet of the Apes!
    Charlton Heston: APES enslaving HUMANS? Everything in this world is backwards!
    Dr. Zaius: So you had ape slaves?
    -Patrick Cassels
    I got a DUI, but in my defense I had no idea I was driving.
    -Aaron Kasar
    Mad Rex
    Every novel is post-apocalyptic if you're a dinosaur.
    -Andrew B.
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  • 105%

    Issue One Hundred and Twenty-Nine

    by 105%-O-Matic October 15, 2009


    Not available in parallel dimensions.

    If you go to clown college, what do you call the funniest guy in class?
    -Patrick Christopher N.
    What They Should Say
    If it ain't broke, then you need to fix your grammar.
    -Phillip Leland
    Buzz Lightyear doesn't understand the definition of infinity.
    -Brock Jackson
    Happiness
    If money can't buy happiness, shouldn't pizza, pot & sex be free?
    -Michel Sanchez
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  • 105%

    Issue One Hundred and Twenty-Eight

    by 105%-O-Matic October 08, 2009


    Please remove tinfoil suit for better reception.

    A true optimist would think the glass is half awesome.
    -Jeremy D
    Next time you see a porn star lying on one of those heart-shaped beds, take a minute to remember the human-shaped bed who donated it before it died.
    -Patrick Cassels
    I hear Danny Glover hates to watch himself act in his movies. I never knew we had so much in common
    -Thomas Muir
    Whistling..."
    It's just a louder way of breathing.
    -Charlie Forsell
    Christian Bale: SNL's Greatest Host
    "OK, Christian, we're gonna need you to drop 30lbs for the hobo sketch and then gain 50 for the Batman parody. Also, the green body paint arrived for your Kermit impression."
    -Jennifer Morris
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  • 105%

    Issue One Hundred and Twenty-Seven

    by 105%-O-Matic October 01, 2009


    Y2K10 Compatible.

    The Commandment Moses "Lost" on the Way Down From Mount Sinai
    11. Thou shalt stone to death he who brought these Commandments down
    -Patrick Cassels
    I got thrown out of my company's annual family picnic, because apparently there are multiple ways to interpret the term "sack race."
    -Conor McKeon
    You Know You're an Alcoholic if...
    ...your bottle-opener-chain has some keys on it.
    -Raj Clark
    I imagine
    If you put a scale upside down on the floor it would just explode under the weight of the world.
    -Alex Roda
    I tried selling drugs to kids but they were too smart. They have someone test coke before they buy.
    -Kevin Beal
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105%-O-Matic Bucks County Community College

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