I think we've all heard of the classic college themed parties like "Pimps and Hos," and "Golf Pros and Tennis Hos," or "G.I. Joes and Army Hos". I think it's about time to spice them up a little with fall semester right around the corner.

Check out these hot new themes that'll be hoppin' all over the country this semester!

• Jockos and Tacos
• Mac Pros and P.C. Hos
• Egyptian Pharoahs and Mummy Hos
• Star Wars Geeks and Trekkie Freaks
• Edgar Allen Poes and Prose Hos
• Home Depots and Backgarden Hos
• Fidel Castros and Communist Foes (Alternate: Francisco Francos and Nationalist Hos)
• Robinson Crusoes and Tropical Island Hos
• Severely Psychotic Schizos and Chronically Depressed Hos
• Nazi Germany Gestapos and Reichssicherheitshauptamt Hos
  

Hey kids, wake up. We need to have a talk. Huh? I don’t know, about 2 AM, I think. Listen, I have to tell you all something. It's about your mother and I. But before I do, I want you to know that no matter what happens, we’re going to love all of you a little more or less, depending on how we’re feeling day-to-day. Our emotions toward you have been kind of hazy these last few weeks. But right now you all seem like pretty solid peeps in my book.

So you’ve probably noticed your mother and I fighting a lot lately. All the time, actually. Yes, Emily, even when we’re not yelling, we’re still fighting. In fact, the non-yelling fights are worst. So cold. So hopeless. Oh so hopeless. More hateful than anything you’ll ever know, though they did usually take place in front of you, in your bedrooms. Or your classrooms—I don't know why we did that.

TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: Hey, I heard there's going to be a crazy party at Kendall’s Friday night. Wanna go?

TEENAGE JEW: I can't. I have to wake up early Saturday morning and go to temple. I know, lame, right? But I heard there's an even crazier party Saturday night.

TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: I can't make it. I have to wake up early Sunday morning and go to church.

TEENAGE JEW: That's too bad.

TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: I know. What a bummer.

TEENAGE JEW: Well, at least we'll be able to hang out my Bar Mitzvah celebration next week. I should be a lot of fun.

TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: Not as much fun as my Confirmation party. There’s a DJ coming from the bad part of the city, and he’s bringing all the best rap music.

TEENAGE JEW: I’m getting a magician.

TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: My mom's boyfriend will bring his dirt bike.

TEENAGE JEW: Forget it. I have to be home before Sundown, when the Sabbath starts. Can you give me a ride?

TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: Actually, I was planning to stop at the mall and buy a new Nativity scene for Christmas.

TEENAGE JEW: What?! But it's the middle of August. Christmas isn't for months.

TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: I also need another crucifix—to better worship my Lord. My glorious Lord.

Brian Polimer, a college Junior, is trying to brag about last night through his away messages but he's not getting any response. He changes them every so often in hopes that his luck will change.

"Dude, I just got this sickkkkkkk acoustic bass man. Sh*t was backordered for like 3 months. Bro, ITS A F*CKING DEAL, I got it for like 150 f*ckin’ dollars. You tell me where you’ll find a better f*cking deal, CAUSE YOU WONT YOU F*CK."
    - Ohio State University -
 
"You don't remember that night? You know the night where I just looked at TJ and was like, “Dude get me out of here, or I'm goin’ f*ckin’ start to break stuff'. And I DID f*cking break stuff. F*ckin sweet time."

Send your 105% submissions to 105percent @ gmail dot com

(Four friends sitting around dorm room)

Mike: Wow... I AM TIRED.

Paul: Yeah, me too.

Mike: LATE night. LATE LATE Night.

Chris: You guys wanna do something tonight?

Mike: Oh, man. I have got to take it easy, especially after last night. I got like NO rest.

Ben: Yeah, me neither. I had to finish this annoying paper.

Mike: Oh... I wasn’t doing HOMEWORK. I was doing someb--

(phone goes off)

Mike: Jesus. I hope that’s not YOU KNOW WHO!

Ben: Your mom?

(they all laugh)

Mike: No dipshit, not my mom. The girl I fu--

Paul: That reminds me, I have to get a new phone.

(Mike picks up)

Mike: (into phone quietly) Heymomlemmecallyoubackbye.

(everybody cracks up)

Mike: Sluts, dude.

	Wii	Playstation 3	N.E.S.
Games	21	16	15,824
	Winner: N.E.S.
Avg. Price on eBay	$300	$1200	$10
	Winner: N.E.S.
Included Games	Wii Sports	None	Mario / Duck Hunt
	Winner: N.E.S.
Best Game	Zelda	Who knows? Madden, I guess.	Zelda
	Winner: N.E.S.
Plays DVDs	No	Yes	No
	Winner: Playstation 3
Does it play Punch-Out?	Yes, but without Mike Tyson	No	Oh yeah
	Winner: N.E.S.
Commercials	Charming	Frightening	Hilarious
	Winner: N.E.S.
Games Require Excessive Blowing	No	No	Damn it, you try.
	Winner: N.E.S.
Beats Human Contact	Yes	Yes	Yes
	Three Way Tie
Impresses Girls	No	No	Sorta
	Winner: N.E.S.

Have you guys noticed that the last, I dunno, 4,000 CollegeHumor updates have been geared towards guys!? Well ladies, I got some good news for you, that streak ends NOW! Fella's take a break, this one's just for the girls in the house! Okay, first things first, why is it when a guy sleeps around he's known as a stud, but when a girl sleeps around she's known as a slut!? No way. Not fair. I mean, if I make out with a couple a guys this weekend, but I refuse to give it up, does that make me a tramp!? I don't think so. It's called college! I'm just enjoying myself! You know what I hate more than those low riding jeans? Those tramps who wear them. And stop looking at my man, he doesn't want you. Oh, and guys? PMS? It's real, it sucks, and its 100% natural, so get the F out of our way! I don't wanna hear some guy going "Dude, ... um... dude... call me when you stop PMS'ing." Just leave me alone, and if you really wanted to be useful, get me a pint of Cherry Garcia, and just get out of my way, because I already feel bloated and I don't care about getting fat. At least not till tomorrow :) And what is this I hear about girls being bad at math and science and school in general. Yes, we might not be "book smart" but at least we can make up for it in other ways, like knowing how to shop.

"Cosmopolitan" magazine was started in 1886 by famed publisher William Hearst, meaning you have missed 12,800 style pointers and 15,600 sex tips. To help you catch up, here are some excerpts from Cosmo magazine throughout the century you missed. 1886 1892 1917