Things look a little different when you're drunk...

My cousin Jordan is starting his freshman year this coming August. He just got his roommate assignment and sent this over to me the other day. Check it out.

Lost
Before helming this summer's reboot of Star Trek, Lost mastermind J.J. Abrams was the patron saint of sudden bus accidents. Abrams is known for creating drama through mystery and the unknown, but sometimes all the drama in the world can't do the job of something with more than four wheels abruptly flattening someone.

Identity
Like a slasher film with a Michael Bay budget, Identity stuck respectable actors like Jon Cusack and Ray Liota in a rainy motel, and then took sadistic pleasure in killing them off one by automobile-liquefied one.

Fringe
Though J.J. Abrams waited only three episodes before weaving a suprise bus accident into his latest series, he at least managed to give it a unique spin. In this one, the victim isn't surprised by his new role as a human goo splatter.

Final Destination
As the Final Destination franchise slaughtered its way through sequel after sequel, its trademark deaths became laughably complex and elaborate -- a far cry from the first installment, when all it took for the Grim Reaper to dispose of whiny teenagers was 12 tons of rolling steel and a victim with poor peripheral vision.

Alright class, most of you know our final exam's just around the corner. If you've got any questions regarding the course material, feel free to ask now we can discuss it for 5 minutes or you can send me an e-mail before 5:00, as I've only got a 56K dial-up at home and a limited AOL subscription.

(75 minutes left in class)
Lulu Chang: How many questions will there be?
Professor: It'll be 50 multiple choice questions.
Craig: True/False multiple choice?
Professor: No. It'll be normal multiple choice.
Lulu Chang: So it'll be a, b, c, and d right?
Craig: Yeah, there better not be an e option. That wouldn't be cool.
Professor: I'm not about "being cool". If I wanted to "be cool" I would've done the Peace Corp after college instead of going to graudate school.
Lulu Chang: So there is an e option?
Professor: Yes, there will be.
Craig: God damnit!

---

Craig: What's the test on?
Professor: Everything from after last test.
Craig: So it's not cum-yew-la-tive?
Professor: I think the word you're thinking of is cumulative. It's got a "Q" sound. And no, no it's not.
Craig: I know what I said.

---

Things look a little different when you're stoned...

A while ago I asked people to send in screen caps of horrendous technological communication blunders. Below are the top 5 reply-all disasters. Thanks for everyone who sent in submissions, and if you have any other funny texts, facebook messages, or reply-alls please send them to texticularcancer@gmail.com.

Bringing you the news each week, in a way you understand...

Recently I got the chance to interview the super sweet, super nice and super hot Big 10 Playboy girl Jamie Graham, a 21-year-old senior and Marketing major at Ohio State. We chatted it up on the phone for a bit, then after I thought she was getting a tad bit too into me, I just had to end it. On my terms.

Do your parents have any idea you posed in Playboy naked for the Big10 issue?
Umm...my mom does and I'm telling my dad tonight. I'm actually calling my dad after this interview to tell him.

Things look a little different when you're drunk...