When I tried to put contacts in for the first time, it took me forever because I kept blinking. So I got help from the woman whose only job was to teach people the correct way to put in contacts. "No, no," she said, "you're not supposed to blink." Thanks - I hadn't thought of that.

Are you one of those people who try to pull off sunglasses indoors? Sure, you completely forgot you were wearing them. For the last hour. In class.

I've discovered that walking around without my glasses is an excellent way to ignore people I don't want to talk to. A few days later, they tell me that they passed by me and I didn't say hi. "Oh!," I say, apologetically. "I must not have been wearing my glasses. And I hate you."

I find it funny when some people don't recognize me without my glasses. After graduation, I bet they'll all find cushy jobs at the Daily Planet.

You know what's really cool? Angst. You know what's even cooler? Thick black, non-prescription glasses to compliment your angst. You know what's the coolest? It's a tie between sarcasm and making fun of angsty people.

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I know some people who took a low paying summer job with bad hours because it's in the field that they want to pursue. You know - photocopying.

Most summer jobs are excellent networking opportunities. And I don't mean for your career - I mean for your social life. At any big company, there are usually a dozen other kids your age, most of whom have reasonably attractive friends that you haven't alienated yet.

I think "internship" is French for "we ain't payin you squat." Why French? Because to describe most internships, you'd have to pardon mine.

Having a summer job is not as tough as a few months working in the real world. Unless it's in finance. Then it's as tough as a few years working in the real world. I know a few people with jobs in finance this summer. Actually, I KNEW a few people with jobs in finance. I'll know then again in September.

No matter how tempting, do NOT start sleeping with someone at work. If things go wrong with someone in one of your classes, you can sit on the other side of the room and ignore them by pretending to take notes. But at work, your boss decides who you're working with and where. And you can't tell them the truth. "I'm sorry sir, you can't put me on that project. Why? I banged her. Thanks for understanding."

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People can be witty over IM. People can be charming over IM. People can not be hot over IM. "I can tell by your clever use of italics and your intermittent 'lol'ing that you have a nice ass." Hey buddy - those yellow happy faces may be cute, but they're not quite accurate.

A random IM is okay, but like any other form of interaction, when you IM someone, it is your responsibility to begin the conversation. I think one day I'm going to call people and hang up right after I say hello, shake someone's hand and walk away, and write letters that say "Dear Jim," and leave the rest blank.

Bootie-calling is pretty skeezy. But it has nothing on the booty-IM. At least with calling, you think of everyone you know and you call the person who is most likely to respond. With IMing, you choose between the two people on your buddy list who are still awake.

Some people don't sign on much because they're afraid of being bombarded with IMs. I don't know which is harder to believe - that someone hasn't yet grasped the concept of successfully saying "can I talk to you later?" or that a bombardment worth of people would want to talk to anyone that slow.

People are able to lose all inhibition over IM. You can confess your love, tell someone off, or make crude sexual jokes that would otherwise be inappropriate. It's like being drunk but without the beer. Or the play.

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How come you can break off a relationship and not dump a friend? Sometimes, you have people you just don't feel like being friends with anymore, but you're stuck with them because breaking it off isn't socially acceptable. And here is why: When you end a relationship, you say "I don't think we should see each other anymore. But we can still be friends." When you end a friendship, you say "I don't think we should see each other anymore. Ever."

Some guys say "bros before hos" and some girls say "chicks before dicks." I prefer "people who don't live their life according to what rhymes before idiots who do."

There are two types of relationships between girls. There are the friends who eat meals together, schedule their classes around each other, and live in the same suite for three years. Then there are girls who once liked the same guy.

Guys give their friends advice very differently according to the situation. If your friend's girl is cheating on him, she's a lying whore and the guy she's cheating with should get his ass kicked. If your friend wants to hook up with a girl who has a boyfriend, hey, it's the girl's choice and the boyfriend doesn't deserve her.

Do you have situational friends? Friends you do stuff with simply because they're near you? Freshman year, it's everyone on your floor. Sophomore year, it's people who have been in more than one of your classes. Junior year, it's people in your major. And senior year, it's whoever hasn't gotten pissed off yet that you keep switching friends.

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When you have a week off in March, you go to Cancun. When you have all of June, July, and August off, you go to work. Makes perfect sense.

All my friends with summer jobs don't go out on weekdays so they can get a good amount of sleep. It's very important to be wide-awake while you sit there playing Snood and instant messaging other college friends who didn't go out the night before.

I have never and will never take a summer class. You know that first day in March or April where the weather starts getting really nice, and everybody hangs out outside because its just impossible to go to class? Make that class three hours a day for four days a week, raise the temperature ten degrees, have that day last two months, and then see how you feel.

When you're not doing much for the summer, I think having lunch is an excellent way to break up the day. You know, between not having lunch and not having lunch.

I was staying at a hotel, and housekeeping asked me if I needed them to change my towel. Yes, I've been here for one night, and I've used all 17 towels. I am Jo-Jo, the sweating boy. Please wrap me in absorbent terrycloth.

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