Steve Hofstetter's Articles

2 total in September 2007

  • The Honest Intro to Psychology Professor

    I’m glad you were able to make it to my office hours. It’s been a few weeks since classes started, and I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I’m just not impressed by your knowledge base. I expect you to know everything in this course before you do any reading, despite you never having studied psychology before. I know everything about it, why can’t you? As I sit there at home in my 50+ chat room, the thought of how little you know disturbs me. Almost as much as the thought that I spend my nights in a 50+ chat room. Oh, I’m so alone.

    You’re really sliding. That first day of classes, you did so well. When I read the syllabus aloud and you followed along, I really thought, “this kid is going to be something.” And you wrote down your name and contact information on an index card just like I asked! I even told my friend Oliver all about how bright you are. Oliver didn’t say much, but he listened and nodded his head in agreement. Oliver is my cat.

    How can you not already know about classical conditioning? Haven’t you ever seen Clockwork Orange? I’ve watched it often. I can’t watch it anymore because it scares Oliver. But it’s a good movie. You should see it sometime.

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  • Open Letter to Appalachian State Fans

    (Note: If you take sports seriously, don't read this. And there's also a video version)

    Congratulations! Last week, you pulled off one of the greatest upsets in the history of sports. Since then, your merchandise has been on back order, your website crashed due to all the traffic, and your 16,000 seat stadium is sold out for the first time. Way to go. You’ve really put Boone, North Carolina on the map. Enjoy it, because any day now, you’ll wake up and remember that you’re in Boone, North Carolina.

    It is true that you won a football game. But consider that tomorrow and for the rest of your college career, you will be attending classes on a remote mountain top while the Wolverines will be in Ann Arbor, home to the largest population of hot slutty chicks north of the Mason-Dixon. Ann Arbor has so many hot chicks you could still get laid if you were a paraplegic midget wearing an Appalachian State shirt. Seriously, if you can’t get any in Ann Arbor, cut it off.
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    • Steve Hofstetter Columbia

    About Me

    Steve is the most booked comedian on the college market, and would be playing your school shortly if you got off your fat ass and requested him.

    CollegeHumor.com's original columnist, Hofstetter is currently enjoying his status as the sketchy old guy. The host of the syndicated Sports Minute (Or So), Hofstetter is a regular on radio stations everywhere, and not just when he calls to request Enya.

    His new album, "Cure for the Cable Guy" is available in stores and on itunes, and is extremely popular with everyone except Larry the Cable Guy. Jay Leno compared him to a young Jerry Seinfeld, which is awesome because Jerry Seinfeld is very funny. His half million MySpace and Facebook friends agree.

    He also thinks you're hot.

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