Budweiser, Miller, or Coors
Guys: They don't have kegs at this bar? What kind of low-brow place is this?
Guys buying it for girls: I don't celebrate anniversaries, I don't care about your friends, and as soon as you expect commitment, I will drop you. May as well get used to it.
Girls: Does drinking cheap beer make me look sexy and tomboyish?
Sam Adams, Honey Brown, or Pete's Wicked
Guys: I bet this beer tastes good because it costs more.
Guys buying it for girls: Work study? Hah! That's for suckers. I've got a swanky internship paying me $10 an hour!
Girls: Drinking cheap beer makes me look too tomboyish. Does drinking expensive beer make me look sexy?
Guinness
Guys: I don't intend to get drunk tonight. Thankfully, this beer takes a half hour to finish.
Guys buying it for girls: I don't want you to leave this bar for the next half hour.
Girls: I hope I'm not hung over during rugby tomorrow.
We are gathered here together to mourn the loss of our dear friend and family member, MySpace. MySpace is survived by her beloved husband Tom, and their 143, 286 million children.
It is good to see so many of MySpace's children here today. Goth Girl, Hip Hop Artist, Guy in Sun Glasses and a Popped Collar, Two Girls Making Out, and Guy With No Shirt. Thank you for coming.
I first met MySpace five years ago through a friend. She was great. We listened to music, we read to each other, and we passed the time when I was supposed to be doing actual work.
She helped me catch up with old friends, and meet new, sluttier friends.
Steve is the most booked comedian on the college market, and would be...
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