America's favorite Wide Receiver was rushed to the hospital last night after a reported suicide attempt. While the star receiver denies that he was trying to kill himself, a note left at his house seems to prove otherwise.

Ranked teams keep winning, and Notre Dame keeps looking like they plan on losing a lot this year.

We've combined the scientific AP Poll ranking system with the humorous elements of a kid getting hit in the head with a soccer ball to bring you this week's CH Poll.

1. Ohio State (59) - To paraphrase Mr. Burns, "I don't even know why Ohio State even showed up this week, they barely even won!"

2. Auburn (2) - When I saw Auburn beat Buffalo 38-7, I was 80% certain those were the Bills.

3. USC (2) - Trojans extended their streak of games with 20 points or more to 55 -- and extended their streak of games with 0 points or more to 1,203!

4. West Virginia (2) - Sure they're fourth in the nation, but can you actually name three of their starters? The answer is yes. Pat White, Steve Slaton, and Darius Reynaud.

5. Florida - Gators have Alabama, LSU, Auburn, and Georgia in the next month. Plus midterms!!!

The following are five police reports from universities around America. Four of them are real. One is false. Can you spot the faker?

1) University of Central Oklahoma - Two males, ages 18 and 19, were arrested for streaking early Sunday morning across Wantland Hall, when one of the males ran into a parked vehicle.

2) Hofstra University - A university student reported an unidentified male told her he was writing a thesis on feet and asked if she would like to participate in a survey at Axinn Library. She said she agreed, he asked her to sit down at a table, take off her shoes and wiggle her toes. She said she felt him touch her foot with what she thought was his hand, but when she looked down under the table, he had exposed himself and was touching his genitalia to her foot. The man was not apprehended.

3) University of Arizona - Two teenagers were found with an open bottle of rum and a 9-year-old boy dressed up as a girl Sunday night after they were pulled over for speeding at North Tyndall Avenue, reports stated.

4) Stony Brook University - A student climbed onto a ventilation pipe and was dancing on it when he fell down 15 feet into it. He had to be rescued and was arrested for criminal tresspass.

5) Binghamton University "” The Harpur's Ferry campus ambulance service responded to a call for help for an intoxicated female in Newing's Delaware Hall. When volunteers and Binghamton's New York State University Police arrived, they found the 19-year-old "covered with brown marks on her body and clothes."� A "strong odor of feces"� accompanied the female "” and the ambulance crew "” to Binghamton General Hospital, a police report says. "I hope this serves an example so people don't get to that point [of intoxication],"� said Investigator Matt Rossie of the University police. The origins of the fecal matter remained a mystery as this paper went to print.

Answers after the jump

This week we salute Tennessee State's Jamel Bell. This 6-foot-4, 320 pound eighteen year old is all man, and now has a warrant to prove it!

The only thing longer than Jamel's grocery receipts is his rap sheet. Bell is charged with armed robbery with a firearm, armed carjacking, possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony, two counts of grand theft of a firearm, and the kicker: two counts of attempted felony murder.

Most people will only have the guts to commit one of these eight crimes, but Jamel was never known to half ass anything. He wanted to have his cake and try to murder the baker, too!

Also, to ensure his crime spree would get him noticed around campus, Jamel had the brilliant hindsight to perfectly time his crimes so that he would get arrested in class. That's right, he was carried away by cops during one of his morning classes. Hey, be sure to get the rest of those notes from somebody else, young man. Don't think incarceration is a good enough reason to skip next weeks quiz!

Lookin' good, Jamel. Lookin' real good!

Class time doesn't have to be boring. Here are five pranks you can play in class without ever getting in trouble. All of the fun, but none of the risk!

1. Raise your hand, when the teacher calls on you, say that you "Forgot what you were going to say. Get back to me."� Priceless!

2. Come into class 5 minutes late. After class, apologize to the professor for your tardiness and vow that it will never happen again, then as you leave, under your breath mutter "Not."� Classic!

3. When handing in your first assignment or essay give yourself a fake middle initial. Don't get greedy and choose X or Q, though. Try something a little more subdued, like M or P. Awesomeness!

4.Sit next to a girl you don't really know. Before class, strike up a conversation. Befriend this girl and eventually date her. When the time is right, propose marriage and ultimately start a family with this girl. Grow old with her, but on her deathbed place a well hidden microscopic fart machine (to be invented) at the base of her spine. Perfect!

5. Wear a silly hat. Gold!

Seperation Saturday is over. Some teams (Auburn, USC, Michigan) rose up to the challenge, while others (LSU, Nebraska, Notre Dame) have an entire season of regret that awaits them.

We combined the scientific AP Poll ranking system with the humorous elements of a kid getting hit in the head with a soccer ball to bring you the CH Poll.

1. Ohio State(59) - After a cake walk against Texas, Ohio State proves its worth by beating Cincinnati.

2. Auburn(2) - At 3-0, Auburn is just 10 wins away from being screwed over by the BCS again.

3. USC(2) - Pete Carroll can put Air Bud at QB and still have him finish 2nd in Heisman voting.

4. West Virginia(2) - West Virginia received two first place votes from people who just "don't buy the USC, Auburn, and Ohio State hype"

5. Florida - Between Chris Leak and John David Booty, this might as well be a top 25 funny QB name contest.

Most campuses publish a police log of illegal activities. Most of these events are normal petty theft and underage drinking, but there are a few gems.

The following are five items from campus police logs from colleges across the country. Four of them are real, and one is not. Can you spot the fake!?

1. Middlesex Community College: 8/19
An individual came into Headquarters to report that her son had not been home for several days. Attempts to contact him via cell phone were unsuccessful. Campus police left a message on his cell phone and the individual contacted his parent several hours later.

2. Bowling Green State University: 9/5
Resident on Clay Street reported someone had saran wrapped her entire front porch, door and across the sidewalk to the trees.

3. SUNY (Geneseo): 9/10
Sometime between 0200 and 0330 hours, a couch in Niagara Hall was damaged.

4. Florida Atlantic University: 9/1
University Wildlife Control found an alligator freely roaming around a fraternity backyard pond. Upon questioning, fraternity members "didn't know how it got there."�

5. SUNY (Fredonia): 9/2
Student walking down Temple St. with penis exposed.

Answer after the jump!

This week we salute Northern Colorado backup Punter Mitch Cozad. Bet you didn't even know Northern Colorado had a backup punter did you?

Cozad stabbed starting Northern Colorado punter, Rafael Mendoza in his kicking leg in a parking lot. Many players will whine to coaches that they'll do "anything it takes" to be the starter, but the minute coach suggests stabbing a teammate they'll back off. Rarely do you see players this proactive about moving up the depth charts.

As CollegeHumor's video game reviewer I was super stoked when we were sent an advanced copy of Madden Bye Week '07. The game picks up where Madden '07 leaves off. In Madden '07 you get to control the players on the field, in Madden Bye Week '07 you get to control them off of it.

The NFL Regular season is 17 weeks long, however, each team only plays 16 games. The reason? Every team gets one bye week to recuperate their bodies and relax, and that's where you come in!

To begin, you choose a team. I chose the Seattle Seahawks because during bye weeks players like to spend time around the city, and I've never been able to visit the Pacific Northwest.

Note: Pie Charts are probably the most delicious sounding form of information since the Chocolate Bar Graph.

(Authors note: I had to write this recap on Saturday morning, before the game. But don't worry, I'm pretty good at predicting stuff, so you probably won't even notice.)

Wow, what a game. Somebody better tell these kids that its still September. These teams were playing like it was January!

That definitely exceeded expectations, or not, depending on what your expectations were.

Offense, defense, special teams. Yup, they all showed up and played this game -- and for both teams.

However, the play of the game belonged to only one man. Well, two if you count that other guy. You know who I'm talking about. What an unbelievable feat of athleticism. Truly... indescribable.

But in the end, the better team won. This also marks the 350th consecutive game, in which the team that dominated my three keys to success: touchdowns, field goals, and safeties, ended up winning the game. It's called "Amir Blumenfeld's Formula" and its never wrong. Ever.

People talk about defense and limiting penalties, but in my book, outscore your opponent, and you will win. 100% of the time.

So where do we go from here? Well you have to realize that there are still ten games left to play, which in College Football Land is like fifteen games. Anything can happen!

(Anything = any combination of wins and losses that could amount from playing ten more games. 10-0, 9-1, 8-2, 7-3, 6-4, 5-5, 4-6, 3-7, 2-8, 1-9 etc.)

September is a very exciting time for college students -- especially freshmen.

Expectations are high because you've spent the first five classes just going over a syllabus. However, you are not in the clear yet. There is still one thing that can send those high hopes crashing down to earth fast: a horrible randomly assigned roommate.

But how can you tell if you're roommate is a dude or a dud? You guys just met! Administer this quiz to your new roommate and tabulate the score at the end to determine whether or not you're in for a good year.

1) On a scale of 1-10, how many items of mine do you plan on stealing from right under my nose, after I've left the room?

This week we salute Tarell Brown, starting cornerback for the defending national champs University of Texas Longhorns.

For those out there not completely up-to-date on the Tarell Brown story, allow us to recap using only the most important details.

Tarell Brown. 1.1 ounce blunt. 9mm pistol. Driving erratically. 2:48am Monday morning. Tasered in the chest. Twice.

Stalking is tough. But it doesn't have to be!

These three tips will help:

1) Megaphones are stalking cancer. It may seem like common sense to some, but they're loud, they're visible, and frankly, they're unnecessary. Try stalking without one and you'll finally realize how stupid you were all these years.

2) Cancer is stalking cancer. Nobody wants to be stalked by some sicko (gross!). Instead, stay super healthy and light on your feet by not having cancer.

3) Dress for success. A nice leafy green jump suit, with a blazer that has twigs and leaves on it will work very well when you're hiding in nearby shrubs. Don't wear anythign that will stand out, like a yellow vest or a hat that's on fire.

That's basically it. Happy Hunting!