"Hi every one, I'm Martin Luther King Jr. And umm... Haha, look at this girl, shes like "Oh My God! Why is Carlton's dad doing stand up comedy?" No... I'm not James Avery. Yes, I looked up his name before coming on stage tonight, so what? I'm not ashamed. I'm not ashamed.

Haha. Just a tip, if you're ever in any city in America, and you're on a road named after me: RUN!!! Isn't that incredible? Have you guys noticed that? No matter where you are. You can be in Kansas City, Missouri, Los Angeles, California, it doesn't matter! If you're on MLK Boulevard... GET THE HELL OUT!

Look at this white guy up here. "Oh no. That is NOT right. I don't want to laugh." What's your name buddy? Hi? Your name is Hi? What, were your parents hippies? This is a comedy show... Relax... You can laugh! That's how it works, I make jokes, you laugh. See? See how everybody around you is laughing. We ain't gonna hurt you... Yet! Haha, Nah I'm just playin'

In the Distance: "Tell us about your dream!"

I swear to God this was the image identification test when I signed up for a g-mail account today...


Can't you just ask for my mom's maiden name? Not cool.

Remember when Ohio State and Michigan were good at football?

Remember when people thought Florida didn't deserve to play Ohio State and not the other way around?

Remember when it was debatable if the Big 10 was the best conference in college football?

Remember when Troy Smith was the best player in the nation?

Remember when the thought of Boise State in the title game was absurd?

Remember when USC lost to UCLA for some reason?

Remember when "Chompions" was just a hilarious pun inside of an espn.com editor's mind, expected never to see the light of day?

Here's to the BCS! For making one month ago seem like ten years ago!

NOTE: There is ONE thing that some of you were right about all along: The Wolverines DID deserve a re-match against Ohio State.

...It's just that nobody knew it was supposed to be in the Meineke Car Care Bowl.

Car games are a great way to pass the time on long road trips. Drinking games are a great way to get drunk. Why not put two and two together and get FOUR fantastic car drinking games!? Try these on that long road back to  school and you'll be at your destination (or jail) in no time!


1) Out of State License Plate Beer-a-Palooza!

See an out of state license plate? Take a sip! See an in state license plate? Take two sips! See some expired tags? Pull that citizen over, he's  breaking the law.

Then take five sips!

2) Heads Up!

While on the highway, someone (preferably not the driver, but whatever) unbuckles their seatbelt and sticks their head out the window and closes their eyes. As long as their head is out the window, everybody has to chug a beer.