Amir Blumenfeld's Articles

2 total in May 2008

  • Moments Before

    ... Hard Core Trucking

    by Amir Blumenfeld May 22, 2008


    Ben and Sandree and making out in a truck. Necking turns into heavy petting, clothes are coming off. They are ready to intercourse one another.

    Ben: God I wanna sleep with you for a year.

    Sandree: Mmm... You smell like trout.

    Ben: Baby, wait. I want our first time to be special.

    Sandree: Shh...

    Ben: Don't "Shh" me. I'm serious. Look at us. We're in a truck in the middle of nowhere. This isn't how I imagined it.

    Sandree: But look outside, it's so snowy! You love snow don't you?

    Ben: Obviously. Look at me.

    Sandree: Okay. So let's steam up car and melt the ice off of the windshield... like in Titanic.

    Ben: I don't watch movies. Why did we have to drive out to nowhere to make animal love to each other?

    Sandree: Shut up and rape me.

    Ben:     No. Stop. Come on. I'm serious.

    (A red truck drives up and parks next to the car)
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  • Moments Before

    ...German Cheers

    by Amir Blumenfeld May 05, 2008


    Guy: 14 hours of travel later... here we are... Germany.

    Girl: The country of love...

    Waiter: HIER IST SEINE FLASCHEN!!!

    Girl:     OH MY GOD!!!

    Guy: Let me check my book. Okay, according to this, he's whispering "Here are your beers."

    Girl: Oh. Thank You!!!

    Guy: Now we are supposed to clink our glasses together as hard as humanly possible and yell, "PROUST!"

    Girl: Oh. Haha, Okay, be careful though, I can't get any beer on my black turtleneck.

    They clink their mugs together

    Girl: WATCH OUT! A droplette of beer almost landed near me!

    Guy: Harder.

    Girl: No.

    They clink mugs again.

    Girl: Okay, I definitely felt some beer land on my black turtleneck!

    Guy: Harder. Now.

    Girl: NO! This is my only black turtleneck. Our luggage was lost, remember?

    Guy: When in Rome!

    Girl: We were just IN Rome. We left because you hated it, remember?!

    Guy: JETZT!!!!

    They bang their mugs again. Beer spills over a little.

    Girl: I WANNA GO HOME!
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Amir Blumenfeld UC Berkeley

About Me

I'm so good at photoshop, I make Mother Theresa look like Josef Stalin.

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