CollegeHumor Updates by Amir Blumenfeld

CollegeHumor Updates by Amir Blumenfeld http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759273 Batman: The Dark Hype Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759273/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

The anticipation around the new Batman movie has reached unprecedented levels. It's crazy to think that in two weeks you can walk around and ask anybody in America what they thought of the new Batman movie and 98% will be able to respond.

- In New York and Los Angeles, there were not only midnight showings, but 3AM and 6AM showings -- all were sold out before July 4th.

- Certain theatres in Kansas City and Miami are allowing patrons to sit and wait in the theatre next to the one showing The Dark Knight and listen to that theatre rumble and vibrate for $40.

- A theatre in Bucks County, PA will let you lick the film chemicals off the projectionist's fingers for $52.

- AMCs across Ohio are allowing people, for $55, to have some of the leftover popcorn that's left in the theater, hoping some information from the movie leaked into the butter.

- At certain theatres in Florida and Maine, you can hold the film reel for $99.50 and bite into one frame.

- In Nebraska, certain Loews theatres are allowing people to pay $160 to stare at the poster outside the theater, and another $20 to sketch it with charcoal.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Friday, Jul 18 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 172 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758269 Kids Review Wall-E Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758269/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Wall-E was great, everybody can agree. But was it a kids' movie? Did children understand the adult themes? We took kids away from their parents (by subtly changing the hands they were holding) as they left the theater to see what the youth of America think of Pixar's latest film.

"My favorite part is when everybody got to ride around on floating chairs and it was so cool and so much better than regular chairs."
-- Martin, Age 10

"I hate everything about earth! Even that little plant. I wanna live on a space ship!"
-- Kaylee Age 7
!slice
"If I don't throw my trash away like mom says it means Wall-E is gonna come clean it up."
-- Teyisha, Age 9

"I wanna plant a pizza tree!"
-- Yolaro, Age 10

"Wall E thinks earth is just as boring as I do. And I wanna go to space and have fun and drink cupcakes too!"
-- Yung-Tze, Age 8

"Big stores should be President so that we can all go on vacation and play in pools forever."
-- Rohmar, Age 12

"I found the Chaplin-esque first act to be a visually arresting introduction to the protagonist, but felt that the film lost its voice during the rising action leading into the second act. The environmental message was forced -- a heavy-handed theme slapped onto a thin, derivative narrative frame. Are we to enjoy a preachy Wal-Mart allegory masquerading as "entertainment"? Another potential-laden flop from those homogenized "imagineers" at Pixaren't-all-they're-cracked-up-to-be."
-- Maxdine, Age 4

"...and I'm not gonna stop throwing trash on the floor until Wall-E comes!"
-- Also Teyisha, Still Age 9.

(Written with Dan Gurewitch, Age 24)

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Jun 30 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 83 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755674 Moments Before: ... Hard Core Trucking Tue, 27 May 2008 15:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755674/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Ben and Sandree and making out in a truck. Necking turns into heavy petting, clothes are coming off. They are ready to intercourse one another.

Ben: God I wanna sleep with you for a year.

Sandree: Mmm... You smell like trout.

Ben: Baby, wait. I want our first time to be special.

Sandree: Shh...

Ben: Don't "Shh" me. I'm serious. Look at us. We're in a truck in the middle of nowhere. This isn't how I imagined it.

Sandree: But look outside, it's so snowy! You love snow don't you?

Ben: Obviously. Look at me.

Sandree: Okay. So let's steam up car and melt the ice off of the windshield... like in Titanic.

Ben: I don't watch movies. Why did we have to drive out to nowhere to make animal love to each other?

Sandree: Shut up and rape me.

Ben: No. Stop. Come on. I'm serious.

(A red truck drives up and parks next to the car)

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, May 22 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 123 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754588 Moments Before: ...German Cheers Thu, 08 May 2008 18:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754588/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Guy: 14 hours of travel later... here we are... Germany.

Girl: The country of love...

Waiter: HIER IST SEINE FLASCHEN!!!

Girl: OH MY GOD!!!

Guy: Let me check my book. Okay, according to this, he's whispering "Here are your beers."

Girl: Oh. Thank You!!!

Guy: Now we are supposed to clink our glasses together as hard as humanly possible and yell, "PROUST!"

Girl: Oh. Haha, Okay, be careful though, I can't get any beer on my black turtleneck.

They clink their mugs together

Girl: WATCH OUT! A droplette of beer almost landed near me!

Guy: Harder.

Girl: No.

They clink mugs again.

Girl: Okay, I definitely felt some beer land on my black turtleneck!

Guy: Harder. Now.

Girl: NO! This is my only black turtleneck. Our luggage was lost, remember?

Guy: When in Rome!

Girl: We were just IN Rome. We left because you hated it, remember?!

Guy: JETZT!!!!

They bang their mugs again. Beer spills over a little.

Girl: I WANNA GO HOME!

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, May 5 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 84 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753683 ..Magical Prom Night Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:30:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753683/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Tonight is the night I prove everybody wrong. Little Walter Wivlak's all grown up.

"Hey Walter," they yelled, "What's the matter homo, can't get a date to the prom?"HA! Time to prove you wrong Mr. Parsons. Mr. World's meanest math teacher ever!

I worked my ass off for this night... raising money the old fashioned way -- playing World of Warcraft until I earned a Stealhawk Crossbow then selling that for $600 on a fantasy message board. Spent that money on a Russian lesbian mail-order prom-date/wife.

I even spent $140 of MY OWN MOM'S MONEY buying her a blue lace bikini/skirt get up so that she can attract maximum attention to her hot bod and ultimately me.

When she asked for another $280 to bring her sister over to the states, I thought she was just taking advantage of me. But after a few written guarantees that it was indeed her sister and not just her lesbian girlfriend, and a quick eBay sale (Good bye bed!) things were as right as rain again. Hell I'll sleep on the floor for the rest of my life to have this girl all to myself for just one night.

Just one night...

Walter arrives, grabs the flowers and starts running.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Apr 23 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 417 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753076 Moments Before... First Family Photo Thu, 17 Apr 2008 18:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753076/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> "Moments Before..." is a column that examines the exact events that lead up to a specific CollegeHumor picture. None of the dialogue below is conjecture -- they are all based on facts and interviews. For maximum hilarity reveal the picture by clicking on the link after reading the article.

Photographer: All right, shall we get started? Let's see two big smiles!

Man: Wait!

Photographer: Of course. I'm sorry. When you're ready.

Woman: You should take off your shirt, baby.

Photographer: He should?

Man: I �mean, I didn't get this tattoo of a squashed bug on my shoulder so that it would be hidden during our photos.

Photographer: Right. Sorry. Ready now?

Man: Not even close. Baby, take off your shirt too.

Woman: You think so?

Photographer: Probably n--

Man: I've never been so sure about anything, ever.

Woman: I love you so hard.

Photographer: All right. You're both topless now.

Man: Pretty awesome, right?

Photographer: ...and she's pregnant. She's definitely pregnant.

Woman: Yes.

Photographer: So, sir, let me get this straight. You came into Wal-Mart to take a topless photo of you both, and your... wife is it?

Man: What DON'T you get?

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Apr 14 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 410 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751569 MARCH CRAZINESS!!! Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:30:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751569/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Nobody knows yet! That's what makes March so fun. To get your sports fix you can always check out the CollegeHumor Sports Channel! I'll be updating it daily with funny links, videos and pics from the world of college hoops... and who knows... maybe we'll even find some cool stuff about the men's tournament!

Just to show you we're all in this together, here's a video of Jake and I filling out our brackets yesterday.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Mar 20 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 181 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751394 Hardly Drinking Mon, 17 Mar 2008 18:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751394/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Sarah also secretly video'd Jake listening and dancing to various songs all day in preperation. Here ya go!

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Mar 17 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 535 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751272 Freshman Arrives at College Nine Months Late Tue, 18 Mar 2008 16:30:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751272/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

March 10, 9AM.

Gary: (entering room) Oh man, what is up? Darren right?

Darren: How did you open the door?

Gary: I'm Gary... your roommate? We talked on the phone?

Darren: Last August?

Gary: Right... yeah exactly. So glad you're not some weirdo, haha, on the phone you sounded like a creep, but you actually seem pretty chill.

(Gary drops his backpack onto an empty bed in the corner, it's just a mattress on a frame.)

Gary: Sick, so you brought the TV.

Darren: I'm sorry. I'm a little confused.

Gary: No worries. Wo, tight. Red Hot Chili Peppers. Can I burn this?

Darren: No.

(Sitting down on the mattress, he takes a beer can out of his pocket and opens it)

Gary: Got a lot of catchin' up to BREW! Haha. Are all the hot girls taken? Who's the blond across the hall?

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Friday, Mar 14 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 247 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750648 Sorry, Wrong I.M. Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750648/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Co-Written By Patrick Cassels

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Mar 3 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 172 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1749390 New Phoenix Suns Playbook Fri, 08 Feb 2008 12:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1749390/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Feb 7 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 148 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1747619 Quick Question Fri, 04 Jan 2008 15:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1747619/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

I just read that Dane Cook broke the stupid record of longest comedy set by performing stand-up at the Laugh Factory in L.A. for 7 hours straight. Seriously.

Here's my question, would you like to be in the audience for that? If you couldn't leave, other than to go to the bathroom, would you like to be there for all seven hours?

Reasons could vary from "I'm a huge Dane Cook fan" to "I have a morbid fascination to see what he would possibly be talking about past hour five" so if you're feeling frisky, leave a comment to explain your vote.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Friday, Jan 4 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 13 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1747577 Gourmet Drunk Food Fri, 11 Jan 2008 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1747577/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Two students, Benetar and Joniston, stumble out of a party drunk as fudge and begin half walking/half falling home.

- Guess what time it is.

- Four?

- TIME FOR SOME ROUGHAGE, BROTHA!

- Oh man, so hungry. I could go for something to soak this sh*t up.

- Yes. Oh wow, you know what I want? Like... so bad?

- Yes. Oh my God, Yes.

- Pear braised pork tenderloin--

- And fingerling sweet potato puree! I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO F*CKING SAY THAT!

(They hug)

- Come on I gotta find that sh*t somewhere.

- Slow down dude.

- Oh man, I could totally house like a... like a... like a... coconut-cilantro garden salad with raspberry vinagarette or something?

- Dude, I would down a leafy green with any fruit reduction right now, I don't f*cking care I am so DONE, let's just go!

- Jesus... you have to be sh*tting me, it looks like they're closed.

- God dammit.

- Why are there no 24/7 Il-Trattoria de Vermicelli in this f*cking city!?! This is f*cking retarded!

(They press their faces against the glass entrance doors)

- Sh*t those sun dried tomato baguettes look so FRESH!! UGHHHH! (almost crying) I want one with olive oil so bad...

- Is Pomme Brul?Chez M? Agathe open? Use your iPhone dude, look it up, I would bust a nut for escargots avec boeuf bourguignon fourr?dans un sanglier bouillabaisse!

- Oui, mon fr?, avec des c? au gros sel, olives vertes et lima?s! ?mon dieu! Simplement pensant a cette bouffe me fait nostalgique de mes voyages a Saint-Germain. La Bouffe, les hommes, le vin... Ca me fait dur ?e penser!

- Ho! Ho! ?merde! Mon iPhone est mort.

- Let's just go to KFC.

- Huh?

- The Kiwi Fig Chutney-torium.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Jan 3 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 158 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1746352 Tom Selleck Aficionado Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:30:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1746352/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Dec 13 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 42 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1745930 Guy Who Misunderstood Those Holiday Car Commercials Thu, 13 Dec 2007 18:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1745930/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Guy: Merry Christmas, baby.

(Handing her a box)

Girl: Oooo... What is THIS?! (Shakes box) I thought we said no gifts this year.

Guy: I know, I just couldn't help myself. This is actually gift one of two.

(Girl opens box, it's a red blindfold. Her face goes from happy to confused.)

Girl: Oh. Cool. A headband.

Guy: Allow me...

(He puts it over her eyes.)

Girl: Sure is... nice.

Guy: Ready for gift number two?

Girl: I guess.

(He leads her out to the backyard. Removes the blindfold. She sees a car with a big red bow on it.)

Guy: OKAY OPEN YOUR EYES! (Running over to the car) A BRAND NEW CAR... RIBBON BOW THING!

Girl: That's my car.

Guy: Yup. But check out this sick ass bow! It looks like a giant gift! God you don't know how long it took me to find this.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Friday, Dec 7 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 144 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1744905 Your First Thanksgiving Home Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1744905/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
- Ride your motorcycle into the living room without opening the front door. Your family will be impressed by your reckless disregard for authority. Then spell your name with tire marks on the carpet, toss the helmet to your mom, and ask her, "What's for dinner, lady?"

- Tell your dad you made him a bookmark for Father's Day. Then give him a picture of you banging two girls. Tell him the way it works is that you put that picture in between the pages where you stopped reading.

- If a relative asks you how college is going so far, open your mouth and respond in a single tone, as if you are singing. Hold that note for three minutes. If the relative tells you, "I don't get it," respond with a casual, "You wouldn't."

- Eat the whole turkey. And we're not talking about being a wussy and eating it piece by piece. We're talking about unhinging your jaw and swallowing it whole before your dad even gets to carving it. If your family asks where you learned that, say, "Math 1B." For dessert, eat your uncle.

- As the meal draws to a close, ask your mom if there will be any strippers attending the after-party. When they do come, don't act so surprised. You're in college now.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Nov 20 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 28 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1744471 Brussels Sprouts and Goat Testicles: A Bear Grylls Interview Fri, 16 Nov 2007 16:30:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1744471/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

You may have seen him on TV eating a zebra carcass in the African Savannah. Or maybe you've seen him willingly jump into a frozen lake in the European Alps. There was also that time he built a raft to escape from an Island in the South Pacific. His name is Bear Grylls. He's the host of Man Vs. Wild.

When CollegeHumor was allowed to interview Mr. Grylls, I jumped on the opportunity. Along with many of you, I am a big fan, and looked forward to asking him some geniune questions I had about the show.

We spoke at length about the upcoming season of Man Vs. Wild and how this season starts out with a two hour special called “Bear’s Mission Everest” which Bear himself described as “A million Miles away from Man vs. Wild.” It’s a two hour documentary (all episodes this season are two hours) on Bear’s mission to fly a powered paraglider over the summit of Everest (29,000 feet) facing 150 mph hour winds and minus 55 degree temperature – and raising over $1Million in the process for his charity Global Angels.

Then we talked about food.

Best thing about zebra carcass is that it's pretty much All-You-Can-Eat

Me: Can you rank for us the following foods that you’ve eaten on the show, from most to least delicious: Termites, a frozen sheep’s eye, and water from an elephant dung.

Bear Grylls: Termites are great I’ve had loads of those. Sheep’s eye was especially bad. I always thought it would be like a hard boiled egg but it was like puss and gristle and blood. Water from an elephant dung is above sheep’s eye, but below termites.

Am I leaving anything off the list?

Juice and rotting guts out of a camel that I was gutting and skinning.

Wow.

Yeah, Camel hump was bad – they store 95% of their fat in their hump. I was getting the skin off so I could use it as a blanket, and I tried some of the fat and really it was the one of the few times I vomited on the show.

Anything else?

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Nov 13 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 71 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1744371 Morning After: Curb Season Six Finale Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1744371/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Well if this was it, if this was indeed the last episode ever, what a way to go.

Usually Larry David thinks every season is the last season, so while there are no concrete plans to do another one, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. However, after leaving Seinfeld after it's 7th season, it appears as though this is the most optimistic he has been about another year since the show started, telling people he was already mulling another two (and maybe three!) seasons of the show. (Source: NYPost.com)

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Nov 12 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743842 Morning After: Curb Episode 59 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743842/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Well, Curb was awesome last night. Probably one of my favorite episodes ever.

Last week I discussed, not only my undying devotion to the show, but the reasons some episodes are weaker than others. I believe that sometimes the convoluted nature of most episodes lend to certain things being just TOO unbelievable, even within the logic of the show. The audience can only suspend so much disbelief.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Nov 5 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743672 Menu at the Drunk Food Cafe Sat, 03 Nov 2007 12:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743672/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Nov 1 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 295 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743650 Our Favorite Simpsons Moments Thu, 01 Nov 2007 15:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743650/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

I used to tape Simpsons episodes when I was in 6th grade. By the time DVD's were invented I had a collection of about 10 VHS tapes with about 150 episodes on them. I would study them like game film. I knew every joke, memorized every scene. If there was a Simpsons Superbowl I would have felt fully prepared to dominate at any moment.

My favorite Simpsons moments have always been when they used a type of joke I used to call "a switcharoo." I suppose I still call it that. When I was growing up, I was convinced that the Simpsons created this type of joke, and consciously used them at least once in every episode. It was like an easter egg only I knew about.

It is difficult to explain this abstract joke construct that my twelve year old self discovered, but I shall give it a try.

A "switcharoo" was when the Simpsons lead you to believe one thing, then flipped the joke completely and created a new punchline. These jokes were always my favorite. I felt they separated real Simpsons fans like myself from normal losers who would only watch one, maybe TWO episodes a day.

Two examples of "switcharoos:"

- In "Secrets of a Successful Marriage" (written by Greg Daniels), a distraught Marge is driving her car hearing Homer's voice, as SNPP.com refers to it, in "ghostly fragmants." "You mean I'm going to be a daddy?... I hope we'll always be together.... together.... together..." Then the switcharoo: we see Homer is actually in the back seat on the floor actually speaking these things to Marge. God, nobody saw that coming. And I mean that in a non-sarcastic way.

- In "Two Dozen & One Greyhounds," (written by Mike Scully) the episode where Santas Little Helper knocks up another dog, there is a very dramatic scene in which the puppies are coming out. They are counting each one as it emerges from Santa's bitch. 22... 23... 24.... Then a series of transparent shots of clock hands rotating over and over signifying time flying by. In a "normal comedy" this would signify dozens of more puppies being born, but on the Simpsons, after this montage, we hear "...25!" as Homer states "God, I thought that last one would NEVER come out." Man that was so damn funny. Still typing non-sarcastically.

These types of jokes are so great because they give so much credit to the audience. They assume, and hopefully correctly, that the viewers are intelligent enough to know which path the joke would stereotypically take, so that when it makes a complete 180, the punchline becomes so unexpected and hilarious.

Of course the Simpsons is more than just "switcharoos." It's slapstick and intelligence and character driven and smart and everything you want a comedy to be. Comedy is so subjective, so when you come across a show as universally appreciated as the Simpsons, you know they're doing something special.

What's your favorite episode? Mine is "Itchy and Scratchy Land" or "Homer in Space."

Brought to you by

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Nov 1 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 39 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743408 Morning After: Curb Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743408/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Before I even begin, I just wanted to let you readers know how qualified I am to write an article about Curb Your Enthusiasm, so as to give my analysis a little more weight.

I love Curb. Not only do I watch Curb Your Enthusiasm every week, it's the ONLY show I watch. That's right. No 30 Rock, no Office (anymore). I don't watch "Always Sunny" or "Pushing Daisies." I don't even watch dramas. Never seen an episode of Sopranos, The Wire, Friday Night Lights. No Nip/Tuck, no Heroes, no Dexter. I don't watch Kid Nation or Survivor or Top Chef or any reality show. I don't even italicize those shows because I don't consider them real shows.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Oct 29 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743047 Literally Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas Wed, 31 Oct 2007 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743047/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
These people need real last minute costume ideas. Ideas that quite literally take sixty seconds or less to prepare. So for those of you still stressing at 9:59, here are some legit "last minute" costume ideas.

Computer Salesman

What You Need: A computer. Upper body strength.

Total Prep Time: 25 seconds to unplug the cords, another second to lift the tower over your shoulder.

Remember: To shout "Computer For Sale!" but DO NOT sell your computer. You have all those sick games.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Oct 23 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 158 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1742162 Honest Monopoly Board Sat, 13 Oct 2007 12:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1742162/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Oct 9 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 362 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1741137 Sells Land With Wolves, A Native American Real Estate Agent Tue, 25 Sep 2007 12:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1741137/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

-- Sells Land With Wolves, we need to have a talk.

-- Call me, Sells Land.

-- Yes. Well. After your last couple of sales, I won't be calling you anything. You're fired.

-- Tell me why. Spare no detail.

-- Well, Sells Land, you know that three bedroom on Bancroft you just sold?

-- Fantastic place. Homey. Very quaint.

-- Yes well, we were hoping to get $495,000 for it. Do you remember how much YOU sold it for?

-- Not off hand, no.

-- 34 cents.

-- And a wolf.

-- Right. Well, that's the third or fourth apartment you've sold for less than or equal to the value of a stamp.

-- And a wolf.

-- Yes, but, we honestly don't need three wolves. We don't even need ONE wolf. They're terrorizing the office!

(Real Estate boss opens door, a wolf is gnawing on the secretary, another one is xeroxing its butt. Sells Land chuckles.)

-- I apologize.

-- Well, I think it's too late for that. I mean, I'm looking over your record and I'm surprised you even lasted this long!

-- Meaning?

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Sep 24 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 92 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />