Ethan: Let's get straight down to the big question on everyone's mind:  is Manu Ginobili eventually going to injure himself flopping?  You can't throw yourself to the ground with that much force without somehow hurting yourself at some point.

Amir: Manu is Argentinian, so he's got soccer in his blood. I'm just surprised he hasn't gone for a sliding leg tackle. Let's see Deron Williams handle that.

Ethan: It's great how his flopping and Horry's shot on Nash has turned the Spurs from an underrated, fundamentally sound dynasty that revolved around Duncan's personality into villains.  At this point, they're harder to like than the team of rich bullies from the Sandlot.

Amir: "You shoot free throws like a girl!"

Ethan: I'm actually hoping they don't win this year...instead of building around athletic big men, GMs would start looking for balding guards who look like sick Muppets and can collapse on cue.  Has anyone ever gone bald with less grace than Ginobili?

Amir: Jeff Van Gundy?

Ethan: You try keeping Charlie Ward in line; you'd start to lose your hair, too.

Ethan: Big news of the week wasn't even a game; it was the draft lottery last night.  What's the over/under on number of lottery-related suicides in Boston last night?

Amir:  Why is everybody starting to pity Boston? What about Memphis? I think the Grizzlies are an even sadder story. They have the worst record, no other sports teams and no history to be nostalgic about.

Ethan: What about that time Bryant Reeves blocked a shot in Vancouver?

Amir: That is kinda like winning 16 championships. "Anthony steals it! Greg Anthony steals the ball! Anthony stole the ball!" How much "NBA LOTTERY ISN'T FAIR!" talks are we going to hear because of this?

Ethan:  Too much.  I think it's kind of great that nobody got rewarded for tanking.  Plus, sending the two biggest stars since Lebron and Carmelo to the basketball hotbed of the Pacific Northwest means the draft definitely isn't rigged.  The real winner here is the people who run organic markets in Portland:  Greg Oden is going to eat so much of your food. 

Amir: Or possibly just devour Martell Webster.  It's hard to tell at this point.

Ethan: Does Oden immediately put the Blazers in the playoffs?

Amir: No, but that doesn't mean the future isn't bright. They had a 5% chance at Oden and they nailed it. That's like hitting a one outer on the river.

Ethan: One time, dealer!

Ethan: Slow sports week until yesterday, but thank God we now have something to talk about.  How ridiculous are these NBA suspensions?

Amir:  Not that ridiculous. They broke the rules. They can't be persuaded by the fact that this is the BIGGEST GAME OF THE SEASON and that they are robbing the Suns of their ONLY LOW POST THREAT.

Ethan:  I hate NBA conspiracy theories; I think that most of what we see as "conspiracy" is actually just run-of-the-mill incompetence.  But Horry took a bush-league cheap shot on Nash, and the Suns' guys didn't even get into the scrum! 

Amir: They were merely checking into the game. Amare always checks into the game by running towards Robert Horry clenching his fists.

Ethan: Duncan's going to go 35-15 easy now with no one to guard him.  My favorite part of the whole thing was Popovich implying that Nash flopped.  This is the same man who coaches Manu Ginobili, who is at the very least, twice as good at acting as Jason Biggs. 

Amir: Nash did flop. He hurled himself into the scorers table then flailed his arms back. Look at those guns, he can't be thrown by Robert Horry. What are the Suns chances now without Amare and that french guy named Boris?

Ethan:  I'd say almost nil.  That's two of the three guys they were using on Duncan, and Amare's their best scoring weapon.  Unless Kurt Thomas turns into Charles Barkley circa-1993, I don't like their chances.  The more interesting question:  if Bruce Bowen brought a gun to this game and shot Nash in the face, who would get called for the foul?  I'm thinking that would be a jump-ball situation.

Ethan: Like the day your mom gets drunk and tells you you were adopted, we all knew this time would come:  Roger Clemens is back with the Yankees.  Thoughts?

Amir:  Desperate times call for desperate measures. Isn't his contract Un-prorated more than A-Rods? And isn't his age, Un-prorated more than A-Rod's father? Can he possibly be that helpful!?

Ethan: Yeah, he'll help.  He won't be as great as he'd been in the weak division when he was in Houston, but he's probably good for 11-12 wins and a mid-threes ERA. 

Amir: He's no Darrell Rasner, but I guess beggars can't be choosers. 

Ethan: I hate the Yankees as much as every other non-evil guy, but I'm actually kind of happy they got an upgrade.  Sure, it was funny to laugh at their struggles, but we need for them to keep doing just well enough to make the playoffs, then choking.  Everyone wins this way.  Plus, Yankees fans are going to get cocky again, which should remind us all why they're not just in the Douchebag Sports Fans Hall of Fame, they're on the logo.

Amir: Can you name one other athlete who is getting this type of rock star treatment? He's more powerful than whole organizations. He's like an abusive husband. Coming and going whenever he wants, making demands, and getting his way. Then at the end of the day, the bruised Yankees just succumb to his needs. "It's my fault, I shouldn't have released him two years ago... I fell down the stairs is all..."

Ethan:  "He fake-retires because he loves me!"

Ethan: We survived roughly ten hours of Chris Berman on Saturday to write another day.  Straight to it:  what was the biggest surprise of the NFL draft to you?

Amir: I was most surprised that the Dolphins GM was an Ohio State freshman eager to meet Ted Ginn Jr. I thought it was some old white guy.

Ethan: Hey, if you're going to make a reach pick, at least make sure he might not be healthy to actually play.  That way no one will know he's a bust.  I call this the Aaron Rodgers Theory. 

Amir: I thought the Aaron Rodgers theory was to keep him behind a starter who would rather eat his own wife than retire.

Ethan:  Oh yeah. My favorite surprise was the Brady Quinn freefall.  Here he thinks he might go number three, doesn't, and has to answer inane questions from Suzy Kolber.  "How does it feel to not get drafted highly?  To sit here for hours thinking about the money you've lost and the way you've let down your family?"  He should have asked her what it felt like to have Joe Namath's gin-soaked tongue in her mouth.

Amir: I'm sure she wanted to kiss Brady as much as Willy Joe wanted to kiss her.

Ethan: If Quinn's any good at all, how did he sit there so long like a seventh-grader whose mom forgot to pick him up at the movies.  That minivan's going to turn the corner any minute, Brady!

Amir: He looked like he was about to melt out of that vest. I don't think I'd ever see anybody so happy to become a Cleveland Brown.