Ethan: The NBA draft is finally upon us, and after tomorrow night, we can finally stop hearing Oden-or-Durant debates.  Well, that or they'll just intensify for the next twenty or so years.  Either way, who would you take?

Amir: I would take Oden and trade Randolph for a Rashard Lewis type. Then I would propose a trade to Boston, Oden for Pierce, and before they can accept I would yell "Psyche!" into the phone and hang up. Just because I like pranks.

Ethan: Agreed. Drafting Durant's like dating a stripper:  more fun to watch, but maybe not the best long-term plan to settle down with.  Oden's that aging lady with the elastic waistband jeans who knows that a rebounding and defense/a good meatloaf recipe win championships.

Amir: Is that a Larry Johnson Grandma-ma reference?

Ethan: Is it just me, or does Oden seem like the easiest NBA player to like in recent memory?  He's like the anti-J.J. Redick.  In that he doesn't seem like a prick, and he's good at basketball. 

Amir: Can you imagine if Portland actually decides to draft based on position and not on talent? Let's just say its a good thing their GM isn't Sam Bowie.

Ethan:  They have to take Oden, and it could definitely become a Jordan draft all over again, but the analogy would be closer to the Rockets taking Hakeem.  Sure, they might have been better off with Jordan, but he still pulled in two titles AND changed the spelling of his first name twice during his career.  I can't wait for Oden to change his name to "Gregggggg" and then back to "Greg" to complete the symmetry.  Who's going to be the biggest bust of this draft?

Amir: Two weeks ago I thought Kobe was just being overdramatic. But with this amateur video and recent reports, Kobe is literally doing everything he can to get out of Los Angeles. I can't wait until he threatens to show a picture of Mitch Kupchak naked. But that's okay, Ben Gordon is the next Magic Johnson, right?

Ethan: At the very least he's the next Ernie Johnson, and he'll make the Lakers' broadcasts all the more intriguing with his use of subtle British wit.

Amir: The locker room will be like Absolutely Fabulous, except funny.

Ethan: The great thing about Kobe's most recent tirades is that it's quickly becoming clear that he's a legitimate headcase.  At this point, he's not just feuding with Shaq over alpha-dog status anymore, he's like that psychotic girlfriend who dumps you every few days, then shows up crying and begging to be taken back. 

Amir: Sorry, Kobe. You've changed.

Ethan: KG's on the trade block, too, but I haven't seen anyone mentioning him going to LA in part of a three-way deal.  Why not?  He's a marquee star who could let the Lakers ship Odom to  a place where he'd be more comfortable, like in surgery.

Amir: Kobe won't play for Minnesota. He said he would play in Pluto but Minnesota is just plain cold. Also, the only team that can give Minnesota what they want is Boston, and Kobe won't play in Boston either. When Kobe said he'd play anywhere he meant anywhere in Illinois.

Ethan: Would you rather have Kobe or Garnett?

Ethan: As is always the case this time of year, the big news this week has centered around pro basketball. I know the league hasn't been as popular in recent years, but can you believe that Chamique Holdsclaw would just retire out of the blue like that? I'm shocked. I don't know if I'll ever watch the WNBA again.

Amir: As a Sparks fan I can tell you the feeling right now in Los Angeles is one of disbelief. People are demanding their season tickets back.

Ethan: I wore my Sparks jersey to a bar last night and people were laughing at me. I assume because of this Holdsclaw thing. Let's talk about men's basketball to take our minds off of it. Man, how epically stupid of me was it to pick the Cavs last week? You're a terrible friend for not saving me from that embarrassment.

Amir: Hey its not over, the Cavs could still make a late push and trade the rest of their team for four decent players. Are the Cavs the worst team the Spurs have played in the playoffs?

Ethan: No, they're better than the Nuggets. Tim Duncan also played in a charity game against some middle schoolers last month, and with the right calls, I think the Cavs could take them in a seven game series.

Amir: Rise Up!

Ethan: Should LeBron have gotten the foul call at the end of the game last night? Would it even matter?