Amir and Ethan's Articles

4 total in August 2007

  • CH Sports Weekly: A Points per Reception Column

    Ethan: What a week. NFL scandals and gossip are really coming to a head, and I think a certain team's QB situation will never be the same. So I ask you: Eli vs. Tiki, who are you taking there?

    "Are you Tiki Barber? You blond bitch. I wanna fight. I wanna fight him..."
    Amir: A running back that quit mid-season versus a fantasy quarterback that I quit on mid-season... I like Tiki!

    Ethan: What the hell is wrong with Tiki? Why is he going out of his way to bury Eli after he retired? I'm sure none of the Giants' problems had to do with Tiki starting a circus by retiring mid-season last year; it's all Eli's fault. I think this proves what we'd really known all along: Tiki is just a mean-spirited android. Tom Coughlin should give Jared Lorenzen a bucket of ranch dressing and order him to devour Tiki.

    Amir: No Jared! That's Rondae!!!

    Ethan: Oh, yeah, how about Vick pleading guilty?

    Amir: What a 180. For weeks he's been claiming innocence and now he's guilty. You think he had a long sit down with his lawyers, and finally snapped, "OHHH! THOSE dog fighting charges. Yeah I did that. I thought you meant something else. My bad."
    Keep Reading


    See More: Straight Cash Homey Sports
    Like it? You Like it! (7) Comments (21)

  • CH Sports Weekly: Also Receiving Votes


    Rick Ankiel is just 728 homers shy of Bonds and shows no signs of slowing down
    Ethan: A little Friday afternoon special this week. We've been waiting and waiting for something particularly interesting to happen in sports this week...and still nothing. No Vin Baker murder mystery. No Travis Henry road rage incident. No Starbury trade. Nothing. So let's do all lightning round this week to appeal to our readers with ADHD.

    Amir: YAY! LIGHTNING ROUND!!! Wait, what?

    Ethan: Pop your Adderall, kids. Now that all of his friends have dropped dimes on him, will Vick cop a plea?

    Amir: No idea. My knowledge of the law is limited to 10th grade elective and various courtroom dramas. The real question is, whatever happens, will he play this season? Will he ever play again?

    Ethan: I don't think he'll play this season. He'll play again. He's too good not to. Maybe with the Saskatchewan Roughriders of the CFL, but somewhere. Think about how deadly Vick would be with only three downs. No more having to struggle with counting to four! Next up: who wins the Heisman this year?

    Amir: How can you not say McFadden? He finished second last year and will be even better this year. Besides, his mom already said he was going to win. Carlos Zambrano - 5 years $90M. Are you happy if you are Carlos Zambrano? Are you happy if you are a Cubs fan?
    Keep Reading


    See More: Straight Cash Homey Sports
    Like it? You Like it! (4) Comments (15)

  • CH Sports Weekly: Already Chasing Bonds

    "This is for you, Bud! I love you so much!"
    Ethan: He did it! He hit a home run!

    Amir: I wanted to read a recap of the game where Barry says "You know, I got the record today, but we lost, and that's all that matters."

    Ethan: "The home runs are nice, but if we don't get that W..."Seriously, does anyone think this is a valid record?

    Amir: The floating disembodied video head of Hank Aaron does.

    Ethan: Why does anyone even care? It's not like steroids are the only thing different in the league now from when Hank Aaron was playing. There are more teams, and thus crappier pitchers make it to the league. You can't buy Bread records on vinyl at any local record store.

    Amir: I think people care because he's cheating. My question is why did Bud Selig go to a dozen Giants games then decide to miss this one?

    Ethan: I hear either him or a representative of his staff will watch the highlghts on ESPN.com

    Amir: "Frank! I can't get this flash thing to load! HELP ME!"
    Keep Reading


    See More: Straight Cash Homey Sports
    Like it? You Like it! (5) Comments (62)

  • CH Sports Weekly: We Were Also Traded for KG



    Ethan: The MLB trade deadline passed yesterday, and the biggest name to change hands plays basketball, not baseball. Is this a plot by David Stern to make us forget the gambling scandal? Because if so, it's working. Celts automatically a 50-win team, and thereby good enough to win the East, now?

    Now we all won't win a championship for the same team! It's so much more efficient this way!
    Amir: They are good enough to make the NBA Finals, but I doubt they will. This year at least. The big three are a great start, but the other teams in the east all have strong guards. Who is going to stop Dwyane Wade and Chauncy Billups? Delonte West or Rajon Rondo?

    Ethan: They're probably the second-best team 1-3 in the league behind the Suns and perhaps the worst team 4-12.

    Amir: Okay I just double-checked and they don't even have Delonte West. So it's on you Rondo! 48 minutes a game. Every game.

    Ethan: Rondo could use his alien-like appearance and freakishly large hands into scaring opponents into turnovers, but other than that, their point guard is a glaring weakness. Hell, Reggie Lewis' corpse could make this team.
    Keep Reading


    See More: Straight Cash Homey Sports
    Like it? You Like it! (4) Comments (34)
    • Amir and Ethan
    About Me

    Height: 11'11"

    Weight: 320 pound

    Position: Writers/Point Forward

    Career Highlights: Amir and Ethan is a monster with the head of two people, and the body of two people...averaged 5.8 blocks/game in a brief stint with the 1995 Golden State Warriors...Amir and Ethan once defeated each other for the WBA heavyweight title of the world by double KO. Everyone was truly a winner....Amir and Ethan won the 1992 NBA Slam Dunk contest while competing under the name "Cedric Ceballos." ... To answer your question, yes, they could see through the blindfold...Amir and Ethan maintain a blog of sports jokes at StraightCashHomey.net

    View profile
    Send a message

    Calendar

    Visit Our Partners

    next previous

    BFF

    They state their aim pretty clearly with their domain: A great site for when you're, well, bored. Links, pics, vids, forums, this site has 'em all. Go now!