Ethan: Time for Super Bowl XLII. I don't know about you, but I'm only watching it for the halftime show. C'mon, Tom Petty? On TV? For free?! This is going to be the best game ever.

Amir: Not a game. Not a game. Practice. We talkin' about pracatice. Mainly the Patriots practicing for the Pro Bowl. I figured we would make today's column a Super Bowl over/under spectacular! Then people can play along in the comments instead of making fun of your glasses.

Ethan:To be fair, even my optometrist said, "Dude, those make you look like a douche." What's the first over/under?

Amir: Total Passing Touchdowns (both teams): 6

Ethan: Under. The Giants' pass rush is good, but the Pats have Chewbacca on their offensive line. I don't know how they got him in Logan Mankins' jersey, but he's there. To more important things: over/under 250 times the pic of Brady in the boot is shown during the game?

Amir: Over. TMZTv is a FOX show, so it's like free advertising! Every 3 second mention is a $200,000 commercial. Speaking of which, over/under on commercials that will actually make you laugh: 2.5

Ethan: Over. Budweiser can usually cover that on its own, even if I'll violently hate the same commercials after seeing them a million times by the end of the NBA Finals. Over/under on smiles cracked by Bill Belichick: 0.5.

Amir: Over. But then he'll jog into the locker room and start breaking down game footage for their first preseason game completely soaked in Gatorade. "I think we can exploit the Lions third string secondary..."

Ethan: What an upset this week! Nobody thought the scrappy underdogs could do it, but wow, Kentucky beat Tennessee last night. Amazing. Also, there was some football game in Green Bay or something.

Amir: I couldn't tell what was going on for most of it because of the glowing red lights radiating off Tom Coughlin's face but from what I could see, it looked pretty incredible. Does making it to the Super Bowl make Eli a premiere quarterback?

Ethan: In the Arena League or the NFL?

Amir: CFL.

Ethan: The guy's won three more games than he had when the entire world was second-guessing him. He's played well, but not so great that he's making me forget Joe Montana. Joe's NFL Network commercials are doing that for me.

Amir: It's not just three games, it's three playoff road games! Would you trade him for Tony Romo right now? Would you trade him for Peyton?!

Ethan: Does Romo come with his girlfriend?

Amir: Jessica Simpson?

Ethan: No, Jason Witten. Really, though, how did the Packers lose that game?

Ethan: Peyton finally won the big one last year, and now this crushing failure. I admit that I thought he'd never stumble again, but what I saw last weekend made me wonder if we've been overrating him. I'm referring, of course, to that terrible Oreo commercial.

Amir: The Charger game was equally demoralizing don't you think?

Ethan: Whatever, there's no shame in losing to the best. And according to Billy Volek's mom, he's the best QB in the NFL. Is Phil Rivers as big of an ass as he seems?

Amir: I can't tell if I think he's an ass or if he's just awesome. Shouting at the crowd after a victory is very wrestling-chic, it just seems kind of stupid that he's doing it while injured on the sidelines. "Darren Sproles totally OWNED ALL Y'ALL!"

Ethan: I liked that in the first round he was screaming at teammates after he screwed up. "WHY CAN'T YOU IDIOTS MAKE ME BETTER AT FOOTBALL?!"

Amir: He was yelling at his arms.

Ethan: I wish Tom Brady would take on Rivers' persona. He'd be the greatest villain since the Iron Sheik. Speaking of Brady, what a choke artist. Two incompletions? Nice try, Regular Season Wonder.

Ethan: Isn't bowl season the best? I haven't gotten off my couch since last week, and I'm reduced to using a replica helmet as a crude chamber pot. I'm just glad that the bowls have finally answered the "Which conference is best?" argument. Move over, SEC, Big Ten, and Pac-10...you're living in a Mountain West world!

Amir: ESPN didn't really think this Bowl Challenge Cup thing through. "Sorry SEC, even though you may end up with the national champs and a 7-2 bowl record, you're no .800 conference like the Mountain West!" At least bowl games serve one purpose: to turn me into a genius for calling USC the best team in the Nation. Do you finally agree with me?

Ethan: I refuse to crown any team that lets its best defensive player and its QB wear the same jersey number. That's confusing as hell.

Amir: It's not their fault they have ten running backs and seven quarterbacks. Everybody wants a taste of the program!