Ethan: You know what's happening in these NBA playoffs? Amazing. That's what's happening. What's your favorite series so far?

Amir: Toronto/Orlando obviously.

Ethan: That might be somewhat explicable if you lived in Istanbul and loved Turkoglu. Or were Chris Bosh's brother. Or both. Really, it's Lakers/Nuggets, right?

Amir: I'm most interested in that one because I'm a Lakers fan, but I wouldn't say it's better than watching LeBron get beaten up, or the Suns choking over and over. Those are also great to watch.

Ethan: I like that the NBA didn't see a need to suspend Brendan Haywood for murdering LeBron. Maybe if he'd brought a knife or something, they'd have fined him a little more.

Amir: Are the Wizards the most delusional team in the NBA?

Ethan: It's almost cute how they think they're good. Blow on that hand, DeShawn Stevenson! You're on fire, son!

Amir: He's heating up! I love the Wizards. If you can't beat 'em... beat 'em! But the Suns are pretty delusional too. Check out this actual quote from Steve Nash: "We had beaten them [two] straight times, now they've beaten us twice; it just happens to be in the playoffs,"

Ethan: He then added, "Anyhoo, these series are still best-of-nine, right? So no big deal."

Amir: Regular season, Post-season. It's all the same! Right, Suns fans?

Ethan: Since I know you're going to do it anyway, just start running your mouth about your Lakers.

Amir: WE'RE #1! WE'RE #1! Any chance Stern will just advance the Lake Show straight to the finals? Do we really have to go through formality of embarrassing the other seven teams in the West?

Ethan: Carmelo will drink to that. Anything to keep him out of having to play this first round series with such a splitting headache. Are you at all nervous about the Nuggets? Or the possibility of playing the Mavericks?

Amir: Nervous about the Nuggets? What year is this: Never? What the Lakers (and Amerca) really need is a Spurs/Suns series in the first round. That way the Lakers won't have to play them both. Those are probably the second and third best team in the West. What's your top four?

Ethan: Lakers, Hornets, Spurs, Clippers. I think that Chris Kaman would be able to make a lot of noise if they were just in the playoffs.

Amir: Wait just a minute... The Hornets? Are number two? Why... let's take a trip down memory lane to November 7th back when the NBA season was just one week old...

Amir: The Hornets are good. And not just good for a team who doesn't play in Texas. They are legit. Chris Paul is playing like an MVP...they are playing like a team who will have home court advantage in the playoffs.

Ethan:Home court? Are you insane? They're the fourth-best team in their division.

Ethan: I have no counter for that. I was wrong. In my defense, they're only two losses from being in third in their division, so it's not all that ridiculous. You know what is ridiculous, though? Ramon Sessions going 20-20 in points and assists and losing. It's confusing on like nine different levels.

Ethan: I'm just going to come right out and ask it. Is there anything Candace Parker can't do?

Amir: I wanted to see her wear sweats. If she's going to go for a pajama-based uniform, why not commit?

Ethan: Personally, I think she can probably do a little better than Sheldon Williams now. So many other draft busts are out there; it's time to give Marcus Fizer a try, baby. Do you think Memphis' practices are going to start including free-throw shooting now? Or is John Calipari going to stick with "if it ain't broke, don't fix it?"

Amir: When a team shoots 59% from the line, isn't it mathematically in your favor to foul them on every posession? I think Kansas could have blown them out using my patented Hack-a-Team method.

Ethan: What are you, the ghost of Don Nelson? And don't tell me he's not dead; look at his face.

Amir: Two questions: Is Kansas the best team in college basketball this year? And was that the best NCAA Finals game you've ever personally seen?

Ethan: I liked Kentucky-Arizona in 97 better, but I'm a Kentucky fan. The great thing about this game was that anyone with a brain could tell it was about to turn hilarious because Memphis couldn't shoot free throws.

Amir: Everyone except Billy Packer.

Ethan: I'm hoping Chalmers' shot takes the place of Christian Laettner's on highlight reels now. And yes, Kansas is the best team. How can you disagree?

Amir: I dunno, I just still like Georgia as a sleeper, I guess.

Ethan: Is Bill Self going to get the "security" he wants from Kansas? I mean, he's only making $1.3 million a year. With the dollar weakening, that's barely enough for a studio apartment in Lawrence, KS, right?

Ethan: You taste that? It's the sweet, sweet taste of chalk. Are you happy with a Final Four that would make a terrible Disney movie?

Amir: You don't like the cinderella season that Kansas is having as the weakest one seed?

Ethan: I hope that's Bill Self's motivational speech to the players. "Nobody believed in us. Well, they did believe in us. But not as much as they believed in Carolina!"

Amir: It's not Kansas' fault they kept playing lower seeds due to all those upsets. And wouldn't you have rather watched Kansas play Davidson than Wisconsin?

Ethan: Who knew Dell Curry's semen could make a better basketball player than the real Dell Curry was?

Amir: I haven't seen such zero to hero buzz since Wally Szczerbiak. You think he'll be a good NBA player one day?

Ethan: He can get off a shot, and he shoots really well from outside. At the very worst, he's a thinking-man's Brent Barry without the dunking ability. Which I guess makes him a rich man's Jon Barry. You still think UCLA is winning it all?

Amir: If I had to bet again I would switch to UNC. The Bruins have struggled too much to make me feel secure about picking them. How many more final fours can one team make before being labeled the Buffalo Bills of college basketball?

Ethan: I think four. So does Scott Norwood have a son they could sign for next year?

Amir: Two wide-rights don't make a wrong.

Ethan: Memphis has looked pretty killer, too, and I sort of want to see them dismantle UCLA the way they did Texas, then beat Carolina. Just to see if people were still claiming they were overrated. Look, if you want to impress Billy Packer, you need to win at least seven or eight titles in a row. He's not falling for these flavors of the year. So who's your finals matchup? Carolina and UCLA?