Ethan: Has Game 5 started again yet? I've been watching Fox for 36 straight hours in case it comes on, and my eyes are so bloody I can't tell what's on the screen.

Amir: You could at least blink. You lived in Philadelphia, isn't there a dome nearby that they could kill this wounded series in?

Ethan: Just play this bad boy in Independence Hall and call it a day. Pedro Feliz is a great fielder at third, but can he make a play behind Ben Franklin's chair? I wish Fox had never ended their broadcast and Tim McCarver was just still on the air incoherently rambling for two days. "Now, you talk about clutch....God, I'm so hungry...now that's what players call 'a cement mixer,' Joe..."

Amir:So who does this layoff help more: The Phillies, the Rays, or Weather.com?

Ethan: The Rays. Hamels was dealing in that game, and now he's out of it, I'd guess. Plus, the Rays got to spend two days in fabulous Wilmington, Delaware. It's lovely in autumn. You still have to like Philly to win that game, though, if only because they've got 12 outs to burn while the Rays only have nine. Let's ask Tim McCarver what he thinks.

Tim McCarver: Cement mixer!

Ethan: Insightful as always. Do you think Ed Hochuli has a future as an MLB ump if this whole NFL thing falls through?

Ethan: Let's go Phillies! No, really, let's go. You guys only have a few hours in which to find a DH to use against Kazmir. This could come down to the wire. (Here's a hint: don't use Chris Coste.)

Amir: How can you root against America's team? When was the last time we saw a team go from worst to first like this?! In any sport?

Ethan: Four months ago, and I did root for them in the ALCS! They're a great story. But come on, how can you cheer against Philly finally winning a title? Tampa Bay won a Super Bowl with Brad Johnson at QB. They've used up their karmic allocation for this decade. Plus, they won a Stanley Cup in 2004. (Not sure if that helps or hurts my point.)

Amir: Las Vegas thinks the Rays are gonna win -- probably because Moyer is going to have to pitch on just twelve days rest in game three. Who would you bet on?

Ethan: Hey, at Moyer's age, most people are doing nothing but resting and going on and on about how we'll never see another president like Woodrow Wilson.

Amir: Wilson's fastball did have more velocity than Moyers...

Ethan:I'd probably bet on the Phillies because I wouldn't want to pull against them. I'm worried that even if they sneak out with a win tonight (and Hamels has been a beast), that it won't matter once Moyer or Blanton drops a game at home. Are you surprised headline writers have already wasted "The Price is Right!" This guy's going to be awesome for years to come, and they've already blown their wad.

Amir: I'm surprised the Rays saved this guy until the 8th inning of Game 7. What a monster. I have a new goal in life: scream so loud it has to be done into a baseball glove. And not just when I'm getting a shot at the doctors.

Ethan: It does make me nervous to see Price out there dominating and screaming while Brad Lidge looks like he might throw up all over the mound. He's getting the job done, though. How about those delightful Cowboys?

Ethan: Has Texas lost since Saturday? Being the number one team, I just assume they have. Or do we have to wait for Mizzou to do it on Saturday?

Amir: Somebody is going to knock them off -- they play four top 12 opponents in four weeks! Even Vince Young is getting depressed thinking about that. And he graduated years ago.

Ethan: Graduated? Did Kerry Collins come in and take his exams when they got tough? Oklahoma's schedule is almost as brutal; they've got Kansas this weekend. Who do you like in that one? I think whoever has Oklahoma's concessions contract is probably the biggest winner.

Amir: Can we get through one column without making a Mangino is fat joke?

Ethan: What? The game is going to be well-attended! Get that many hungry fans in one place, and they're going to open their wallets. Jesus, quit being so suspicious of my motives.

Amir: Sorry.

Ethan: You're worse than that tubby Mangino.

Amir: The problem with Texas is that they haven't lost yet. It's going to come down to who lost the earliest this year. And you thought Pete Carroll wasn't smart...

Ethan: Penn State hasn't lost yet, either, and if they can get past Ohio State next weekend, they'll be looking good. They can score some points. Did you see them beat the crap out of Wisconsin? Joe Pa remarked that he hadn't seen such a thorough rout since dickety-three. You believe in the Nittany Lions?

Ethan: Do you have Phillies fever yet? Or would you rather make a joke about giving me a Derek Lowe-botomy?

Amir: You know I bleed Dodger Blue. It's actually a very painful disease. Do you have a primary care physician you can recommend?

Ethan: Not who's in your HMO's network. You really like the Dodgers' chances better in that series? At the moment, Manny's probably the best hitter on the field, but the Phils have homefield and Jamie Moyer's inimitable ability to bore opposing batters with stories about what it was like during the last Depression. "Then I traded that mule for my changeup. I did. Then I traded that mule for a can of lima beans."

Amir: I don't know much about baseball, but its safe to say homefield advantage means a little less than nothing. Then again, I know you bleed Philadelphia Red. That's a lot healthier than me.

Ethan: I think it could mean something in this series since the two parks are so different. Also, have you been to Philly lately? They're so desperate for a title that they got excited about an Arena Football championship. They'll get excited. Are you surprised the Cubs lost?

Amir: I don't know if that question has ever been asked sincerely.

Ethan: I can't walk down a street in Chicago without seeing someone hanging himself with an "It's Gonna Happen" t-shirt. If the "it" in question is "regretting we gave Alfonso Soriano a gigantic contract by the end of the 2010 season," yes, it is! Raise the white "W" flag! Since you're the king of all things L.A., what the hell happened to the Angels? How did they lose a series where Vlad and Tex absolutely murdered the ball?

Amir: I'm from Los Angeles, not Los Angeles of Anaheim, so I don't have that much insight. So I'll say... pitching. No wait -- hitting. No wait-- specifically that idiotic suicide squeeze attempt in Game 4.

Ethan: �Any suicide squeeze attempt is going to look idiotic if it doesn't score. I guess what killed them is that pretty much everyone else on the team didn't hit. At all. Also, that they still apparently think the ghost of Garrett Anderson can a) play left field and b) hit in the 2 hole. Come on, that's why you guys signed that superstar Gary Matthews, Jr. How are the Rays looking to you?