Ethan: FOUL!!!

Amir: I don't know who you are impersonating, as Brent Barry AND Gregg Popovich disagree with that sentiment.

Foul or Not? YOU Make the call. Joey Crawford. Seriously.

Amir: Other obvious things about the last minute include Fisher's shot hitting the rim which should have lead to a shot clock reset and Kobe going to the line for the first time in 29 shot attempts! Either way, Spurs fans can't feel great about their last option being Brent Barry or Robert Horry. 73 years worth of sucking.

Ethan: I actually wanted the Lakers to win the series; that non-call just irritated me. Fisher's hip slammed Barry in the ear. How is that not a foul? (Interesting fact: Fisher's hip is like a seashell; if you put your ear to it, you can hear the sound of Jazz fans booing.) You're right about the Spurs, though; do they have the worst bench of the teams still in the playoffs?

Amir: Their bench is so bad they have to bench their highest scorer and bring him in four minutes into the game just to trick themselves into thinking their bench isn't just a 1996 All NBA-Third team.

Ethan: Jacque Vaughn is going to hit his stride at any moment now. He's just a late, late, late bloomer. Matt Bonner is a beast. Every team can't have Jason Maxiell on the bench. What got into him the other night? Pep talk from Theo Ratliff about what the 1962 Finals were like?

Ethan: DEE-TROIT BASKETBALL. (You'd better agree, or Rip Hamilton will elbow you in the mouth.)

What's more insulting, Ray? That you suck, or that the Celtics are winning anyway?

Ethan: Hey, don't talk about Grandmama like that. That team had Charlie Ward and Dennis Scott. 3-D, baby! You already think the Celtics are really going to make the Finals? The Pistons can't steal a game in Boston?

Amir: The Pistons look they're even boring themselves at this point. How can you be a real fan of this team? Flip Saunders even turned to one of his assistants in the third quarter and asked "Is there anything else on?"

Ethan: I'm not a fan of the Pistons; they bore me, too. But the Celtics aren't exactly a thrill a minute, either. That Cleveland series was unwatchable until Game Seven. Even LeBron seemed to know it; he compared himself to Dominique Wilkins after the series ended. Shouldn't you compare yourself to someone who won a title? There's only limited glory in being the Tom Chambers of your generation.

Amir: The Human Highlight film didn't need to win a title. Who needs rings when you can windmill dunk during a game! Greatest Clipper ever!

Ethan: Did you know Kevin Garnett has a month-old baby? I hope he's super-intense when it comes to fatherhood, dusting baby powder on his hands and then clapping to make a dusty cloud in the baby's face.

Amir: I did not know that. I hope he feeds it by swallowing food, then pounding his chest, yelling until the meal gets regurgitated. Who do you think is favored to win it all, now that we're down to the final four?

ETHAN: Justine Henin is retiring? Annika Sorenstam is retiring? I swear to God, if Sue Bird is next, I'm going to stop watching women's sports altogether.

AMIR: Don't even joke. Don't even joke.

"Keep pushing! I can see the head!!!"

AMIR:I only trust Guaran-sheeds, you know that. How much trash do you have to talk for Rasheed Wallace to want to take the moral high road?

ETHAN: That white patch of hair has never looked so dignified. I sort of liked that Nelson was making the guarantee when he was obviously on the worse team. That takes balls, and I hope the Nationals follow suit and make a World Series guarantee.

AMIR: I'll guarantee they WON'T be there. Does that count?

ETHAN: This makes six straight East finals for the Pistons. Dynasty alert?

AMIR: Let me put "six years" in perspective the first year the Pistons made the conference finals (2002-2003) they got swept by the Nets and Danny Manning was on their team.

ETHAN: Yeah, I know, the Pistons are THAT good. No shame in losing to the 2003 Nets, though. That team had Lucious Harris, Kerry Kittles, and Brian Scalabrine. You can't help it when you run into a buzzsaw like that. Why won't anyone give Detroit any love? Is it because they're kind of boring?

Ethan: LeBron almost had a quadruple double (including turnovers) and the Cavs still lost? How can that be? I thought getting double digits of various statistics was the surefire way to victory.

We tried to find a picture of Ray Allen scoring, but since that doesn't exist, here's one of Rondo stuck in Big Ben's orbit.

Ethan: I'd say Allen feels sadder; this has to be worse than the time he saw a VHS copy of He Got Game sitting on a sidewalk in a box of stuff labeled "Free to a good home. Or any home, really."

Amir: "I want to pay you for this." "Nah, just take it."

Ethan: At least he didn't ballhog yesterday; he only took four shots. He did have one assist though!

Amir: They would have only won by 2 without his contributions! If you are a Celtics fan, are you confident that your team can win this series?

Ethan: No, but I think they will. It's troubling that LeBron can absolutely stink out the joint on the road, and the Cavs can still almost win. I'm still sort of baffled that the Cavs can shoot 30% from the field and not get routed. Remember when Damon Jones played basketball?

Amir: Vaguely. He... oh my god. I just checked his wikipedia page. Guess how many teams he's been on? And don't guess a high number just because I said "oh my god."

Ethan: He bounced around a lot pre-Miami. Six? Nobody wants to keep you when you wear those stupid fucking sunglasses all the time.

Amir: Between 1998 and 2006 he played on ten different teams in 8 seasons. Never playing for the same team for two consecutive years until he joined Cleveland. Nets, Celtics, Warriors, Mavericks, Grizzlies, Pistons... sorry I have to stop typing. My fingers hurt.

Ethan: And now he's just one of two "D. Jones" who aren't playing for the Cavs. Were you as elated as I was that Theo Ratliff began scrapping and talking trash about the Magic? I thought he'd been dead since 2003. Welcome back, Theo!

Ethan: DeShawn Stevenson for President! I want a chief executive who isn't afraid to throw out a throat slash when he's down by ten points. George Bush doesn't even do that until he's up by like twenty.

DeShawn's "You can't see me anymore" motion will be especially true when the Wiz get bounced in Game 7.

Ethan: His beard alone is every bit the villain that the Iron Sheik was in his prime. The best part about Stevenson is that none of his behavior makes any sense. He'll showboat when he's losing. He'll wear a Mike Vick jersey. He'll ask Eddie Jordan to give Brendan Haywood's rotation spot to Soulja Boy. Why hasn't LeBron just finished him off?

Amir: Because LeBron is just one person, and Stevenson/Butler/Jamison is a pretty good three headed monster. Besides, you think the basketball gods would allow this series to go any less than seven?

Ethan: I hope they'd end it quick just to keep LeBron from getting hurt. Darius Songaila is going to show up with a baseball bat as the Wiz get progressively more violent with LeBron. I thought the East series were supposed to suck. Pistons-Sixers has been fun, and the Hawks are surprisingly feisty. Pistons and Celtics still win those series, though, right?

Amir: Naturally... but I think they both lost their right to be called favorites to win it all. I'm just hoping we get ot see some game 7's: Where anything can happen! Who's doing a better job this postseason: Kobe Bryant or DeShawn Stevenson's publicist?