Will Melton's Articles

1 total in January 2007
  • A Desperate Affair via the Tedious Grading of English Papers


          
            You, with it in your hand. Looking over my work. Ready to score.

    Me, saying dirty things. Hoping it fits the criteria.

            You, in a cozy chair. Or would you rather do this on your desk?

    Me, presently tense. Conveying the action, as it happens.

    You study my form as I liberate myself of its bindings.
    Playfully now, with zero articles, I change pace.

    I taunt and I tease and I’m aware of the rules but I ignore them cause I know it drives you crazy and I condemn you with an incoherently rambling run-on sentence until when you just can’t take any more I initiate the absolving moment of
    Punctuation. I insert it. poorly at; first, ?
    You correct me.

    With random intervals italicized (doesn’t matter. It’s my style.that’s important.and it seems to fit.)-- I continue the narrative thrust.
    Passive voice is boring. I-I-I mean it bores me. I like it active. I want it verbalized loudly with primer language. I do it. I show you. You understand.
    I know a varied assortment of prepositions helps keep things exciting for you. I capitalize ON IT: beside; beneath; between; around; with and without; toward; against; over and under; and more than a fair share of in and out of
    course

    We, together. . . Because without either the act is meaningless. We each know our role and submit to it. We know, when done poorly or without consideration, it‘s a waste of energy. But when it’s right, it’s art. The propelling drive of mankind.

    We, together. . . Faster now andd mor recklas. Aware that the end is approaching and anxious to see what will happen. Pulling toward cohesion. Nearing completion.
    Thoughts begintoblur untilatlast inonegloriousfinalburstofwittywordplay

    We
    (Comma)
    Together

    (Ellipses)

    While the rest ponder the incomplete thought.


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  • Will Melton
    About Me

    Me is used in many constructions where strict grammarians prescribe I. This usage is not so much ungrammatical as indicative of the shrinking range of the nominative form: me began to replace I sometime around the 16th century largely because of the pressure of word order. I is now chiefly used as the subject of an immediately following verb. Me occurs in every other position: absolutely (who, me?), emphatically (me too), and after prepositions, conjunctions, and verbs, including be (come with me) (you're as big as me) (it's me). Almost all usage books recognize the legitimacy of me in these positions, especially in speech; some recommend I in formal and especially written contexts after be and after as and than when the first term of the comparison is the subject of a verb.


    About I:
    I enjoy fucking with words.

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