CollegeHumor: User 236's Articles

CollegeHumor: User 236's Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1685173 25 Un-Sexiest Women Mon, 15 May 2006 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1685173 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
1) Rosie O'Donnell- Do I really need to explain this one? I know that she's a lesbian, which should in theory make her that much hotter, but the thought of having sex with Rosie is about as appealing as getting kicked in the nuts by David Beckham. Rosie O'Donnell is about as sexy as a UPS truck.

2) Janet Reno- Janet Reno is not sexy. I swear to God. When Will Ferrell impersonated her on Saturday Night Live, he was a sexier woman than she is. There are male high school janitors with more sex appeal than Janet Reno.

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Ronco- You know this guy. The old man in the green apron who looks like the Joker, or maybe a version of what Steven Tyler will look like, sans cosmetic surgery, in about 5 years. The only redeeming quality of this infomercial is the fact that you can turn it off. The problem with it is that this guy couldn't be creepier. Watch this guy when something doesn't go right. He stutters like the homeless man in the back of the Pace bus. You just know he's the type of dude who gives kids drugged candy on Halloween. Eight year olds, Dude.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:236"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/b/collegehumor.fd0db246fbc4c750fb0ea50b22ec56c2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2006-03-04 00:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:236">Will Hettinger</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1659883">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1667482 CollegeHumor Interview with Dave Coulier Mon, 27 Feb 2006 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1667482 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
"I'm a pretty normal guy. What you see with me is pretty much what you get."
Excuse me? Did I honestly just hear that? Coulier, who played Joey Gladstone on the ridiculously popular sitcom Full House for nine years, has been able to stay grounded, stay out of trouble, and stay popular in Hollywood despite being a successful actor and comedian? Hold on, I need to sit down for a minute.

Dave got his start in Hollywood doing stand up, and in a bizarre case of art imitating life, actually lived on the couch of fellow stand up comedian Bob Saget, who played Danny Tanner on Full House, (like you didn't know that!) when he first came to L.A. "Way before the show even started. He was going out on the road and I had just gotten to L.A., and he was like, "˜Why don't you just crash at my place?' Then on the show, I lived in his house on a couch under the stairs."

As aspiring comedian, impressionist extraordinaire, and kids show host, Joey Gladstone, Coulier appeared on the show for nine years, that to hear him talk about them, sound like some of the best of his life. "I am proud of the show. I loved the shows, and I think people loved them. They were a part of a lot of people's lives." Hearing him talk about Full House is a somewhat refreshing contrast from so many other actors who can't seem to get away from the shows they appeared on fast enough. Sorry Dustin Diamond, but you're always going to be Screech Powers to me!

The thing most people remember about Joey Gladstone, aside from his Popeye impersonation, was the ventriloquist puppet he used, Mr. Woodchuck. You remember that thing: it would ask a riddle to which the answer would always be "wood", and then it would move its head around really fast. Well I would hardly be able to look at myself in the mirror as a journalist if I neglected to ask Dave Coulier the tough question about that woodchuck that everyone has been thinking for years. Why the hell did that woodchuck like would so damn much?

"Because he had big teeth," Dave told me matter of factly, in a way that made me realize that he didn't write the show's script. Then, I felt like a dumbass. He still has the puppet in his office, or at least what's left of it.

"I have a puppy, a little yellow lab puppy named Ranger, and every time Ranger walked by my office he would kind of growl at it. So I would take the puppet out and kind of chase him around the house with it. Well one day I came home and I saw the puppet's eye sitting on the floor. I walked a little farther and there was the rest of his head. Ranger actually jumped up and grabbed it and tore it apart. He's still sitting here but his face is totally mutilated." I for one will be able to sleep much more soundly at night, knowing that Mr. Woodchuck is out of commission and can't hurt anyone anymore.

And as for Kimmy Gibler, the Tanner family's annoying next door neighbor, Dave says he understands why she was so terribly unpopular. "I can't tell you how many people have come up to me and told me how annoying they though she was. Unfortunately, you can't just dropkick her, so you've got to just kind of hate her." True, we can't dropkick her, but if we could, I think D.J.'s boyfriend Steve should be the one to do it. He has reason to hate her, (everyone hate's their girlfriend's best friend) and he was a wrestler, so she wouldn't dare to get surly with him.

The show's end was something of a bittersweet occurrence for Dave. "It was kind of like the end of a really great book; you know the end is coming and you kind of want it to go on." However, he has no regrets about the show. "It ran for nine years and I made some lifelong friends. People often tell me that it was such a "˜lovey-dovey', saccharine show, and I just kind of say "Yeah, it was." But I don't think that's a bad thing."

After the show ended, Dave continued to do stand up comedy, most recently embarking on a tremendously well received college tour, which started more or less by accident. He was scheduled for a standup appearance at a college in New York, expecting to play to a room of 800. But when he got there, over 4,000 people had showed up.

"I was like this has to be a fluke. But then I came home and told people about it and kind of got to thinking, "Is this just a fluke, or am I really that popular? You know maybe Full House did strike that much of a nerve with people." So I've been doing it for a while now and it's really going great. I can show up in a college town, not have to do press or radio to let people know about the show, because people already know who I am through the show, do my set, say thank you and goodbye and then I can go home."

Having seen the show myself, I can tell you that if Dave does happen to schedule a performance at your school, you should definitely check it out. After only a few minutes of watching him perform, you forget that he was Joey Gladstone, the jersey wearing, mullet sporting, wise cracking dude who crashed on the Tanner family couch, and realize he is a comedian who has an uncanny ability to connect with college level students.

"A lot of college students watched the show when they were younger, and now they are old enough to be in college and go to comedy clubs, and there is a certain familiarity that they have with me. It's kind of like a time released effect; that we kind of grew up together."

He is often asked by the students in the audience to attend parties after his show, and he occasionally accepts their invitations. Just don't expect to be doing body shots off Joey Gladstone if Dave comes to your party.

"I don't want to go to some real rambunctious place and feel like I have to play celebrity the whole time. But I like to go and hang out with cool people, and meet new people and just relax. My favorite thing to do is just sit with some student and say "˜Tell me about your life. Tell me about you.' It's such an interesting slice of life that you get when you deal with college students."

Basically, Dave has a respectable level headedness about him. He recognizes his role in a show that was a large part of TV history, and he is still friends with all of the cast members. He will soon be appearing on Larry King Live, as a show of support for the former Stephanie Tanner, Jodie Sweetin as she discusses her battle with crystal meth addiction. He takes part in reality shows such as the Surreal Life and Skating with Celebrities, because he simply has an interest in them. In other words, Joey Gladstone, despite his strange behavior on the show that we all know and love, is refreshingly normal. In other words, don't expect to be seeing a Breaking Coulier series debuting anytime soon.

Before I let Dave get off the phone, I had to play a little word association with him, regarding his career. Here it is.

W: Bob Saget.
DC: Filthy dirty.
W: John Stamos.
DC: Nerdier than people think! (Laughs)
W: No way Uncle Jesse is a nerd! Wow, he really must be a great actor then!
DC:(Laughs) I guess so.
W: Jodie Sweetin.
DC: She's a sweetheart who's having an internal struggle.
W: Candace Cameron-Bure.
DC:I have never met someone who is so damn happy.
W:The Olsen twins.
DC: They are wise beyond their years. But, when you're running a billion dollar company, you have to know what you're doing.
W: Flavor Flav.
DC: Big heart, big clock.
W: Brigitte Nielson.
DC: Brigitte naked is like a telephone pole attached to two pumpkins.
W: Surreal life.
DC:That was 12 days of my life, which was 11 days too many!
W: Skating with Celebrities.
DC: I will never again make fun of figure skating. However, it won't be the last time I put on a dress to get a laugh.
W: And finally, Alanis Morissette. (Dave and Alanis have dated in the past and it is rumored that her song "You Oughta Know" was written about him.)
DC: Oooh, I should have know that was coming. Alanis is a phenomenal person. Really one of the best people I've ever known. And I never said that song was about me. The press made that out to be a bigger deal than it was. We laughed about it.

Hear more from Dave at his website, CutItOut.net or contact These Guys if you're interested in bringing Dave to your school.

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