Hi, it’s Mindy Raf. You don’t know me. We’ve never met. But you should recognize my name because you contact me via Facebook everyday. Sometimes multiple times a day.

Here’s the thing. Although I’m sure you’re a really nice person, I don’t want to drink virtual cosmos with you. I don’t even know what that means. I don’t want to drink virtual margaritas with you either. Or do virtual tequila shots. I don’t want to go to any virtual Facebook application bars with you. Besides, you’re underage.

Also, I don’t want to be a member of any of your groups. I know that seems rude, but if I say yes to one then I have to say yes to all, and it’s just too much. So I’m not going to be a member of “[Yourname] Likes Chinese Food” or “[Yourname] Loves Beer” or “8520 Cool Photos [Yourname] Took Last Weekend” or “What [Yourname] is Watching on TV Right Now!” Sorry.

I was going to write a whole Thanksgiving sex post. But I have no Thanksgiving sex stories. I even asked some friends. Nothing. Thanksgiving and sex just don't go together. I know what you're thinking. Mindy, that’s not true. There’s nothing that horns me up more than being with my extended family, overeating to the point of nausea, and pilgrims and Native Americans getting along. I guess I could make up some story about bringing my boyfriend home and after everyone had gone to bed, being thrown across the Thanksgiving table, covered in whip cream and pumpkin pie, and brought to orgasm while arched atop a cornucopia, No, let's move on.

“Yeah, making lots of new friends. The girls in my hall are really nice!” 1

“So good to see you again!”

“We should keep in touch!”

“Yeah, let's keep in touch!”

“Yeah, there were some huge parties this week, before everyone headed home. I know, I’m still hung over from last night too.” 2

“The freshmen fifteen? No way! You look great!”

"I miss you too!"

"Michigan State, U of M. They're both good schools. I'm sure East Lansing's just as great Ann Arbor."

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