Mindy Raf's Articles

4 total in March 2008

  • Dirty Talk

    by Mindy Raf March 26, 2008
    ...in a new relationship

    Her: You feel sooo good! You...taste...so...good too!

    Him: Yeah! Mmmm. I've been thinking about you tasting me all day, baby.


    Dirty talk after dating for over a year

    Her: Your balls smell. Did you shower today?

    Him: Yeah! Mmmm. Thanks baby, I know you're tired. I'll get you back.
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  • Lies I Believed on the Fifth Grade Playground

    by Mindy Raf March 19, 2008

    • Blue Balls will kill him.
    • Masturbating decreases the strength of your heart.
    • The average guy is 12 inches long.
    • If you're allergic to peanuts and the guy eats a lot of peanuts that day and you go down on him you could die.
    • You can get pregnant if his stuff touches your boobs.
    • If you get pregnant before you're married, the baby will come out retarded.
    • Masturbating makes you lose brain cells.
    • You shouldn't go to the dentist less than six months after you've given him oral because the dentist will be able to tell and he'll tell you parents.
    • Touching his balls too hard will kill him.
    • Masturbating gives you diabetes.
    • Only slutty girls shave their legs.

    And...

    • Fingering is supposed to be painful, it's just something the guy has to do get himself ready to have sex.
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  • Phone Sex Break Up

    by Mindy Raf March 12, 2008

    So, remember that time in college when your boyfriend, who went to another school, called you to break up with you at the same time you guys usually have phone sex? Good times.

    GF: Hello?

    BF: Hey Babe.

    GF: Hi! Wait, hold on, I gotta go into my room. Okay. Hi (lusty phone sex voice)

    BF: Hey. So listen... I know we usually do this right now, but I actually called to talk.

    GF: I know baby. I want to talk too. About boning you!

    BF: Yeah, okay but-

    GF: What about my butt? Mmmmmm.

    BF: No, it's just that, see, we've been together for a long time now and-

    GF: I know baby. Mmmmm. Looong. Oh, guess what? I'm taking off my panties.

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  • If My T&A Could Talk...

    by Mindy Raf March 05, 2008

    ...Maybe this is a conversation they'd have while I was getting some in college.


    TITS: Yeah! Squeeze me! That feels soooo good. Ooo, yeah lick it! Yeah! Suck it!

    ASS: Hellooo. Over here! Can anybody hear me?!

    TITS: Nobody cares about you sweetie, deal with it.

    ASS: Hellooo! Come on, dude. Show me some love too!

    TITS: He can't hear you, I've enveloped his whole head.

    ASS: This is sooo unfair, why can't we ever hook up with ass men?

    TITS: Yeah, right. Look at me. Like anybody is ever gonna pay attention to you while I'm around. Ooo yeah, right there. Bite it! Yeah!

    ASS: One squeeze. That's all I'm asking for is a little squeeze, maybe even a slap. Come on dude, slap me! Stop touching those things and slap me!

    TITS: Sorry, he needs both his hands right now for friction. Uh, yeah!

    ASS: I'm sooo bored!

    TITS: Relax, one day she'll be ready for kinky ass stuff. We've got a lot of time ahead of us. But, it's not gonna happen tonight. Remember what she said to the last guy who asked about you?

    ASS: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ugh, she's over eighteen, it's time for some backdoor.

    TITS: Sorry, can't talk anymore, real busy. Yeah!! Who's a lucky girl?! Me, me, me!

    ASS: I hate you
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Mindy Raf
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Mindy Raf is a writer and performer in New York City. She is a regular...

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