We've already learned so much together. Why, there was deadly Presidents and important drug dates, what else could there possibly be to learn? How about...

Who Famous TV Characters Are Based On

Borat - Supposedly based on Turkish Internet Celebrity, Mahir Cagri who became famous after his hilarious personal website was forwarded around in 1999.

Kramer - Seinfeld's wacky neighbor Cosmo Kramer is based on Larry David's former wacky neighbor of six years, Kenny Kramer. Kenny runs a very popular bus tour in New York called Kramer's Reality Tour.

Popeye - The E-Coli resistant sailor was based on a local tough guy in Chester, Illinois named Frank "Rocky" Fiegel. But that's not all, Olive Oyl and Wimpy were based on real people, too.

  KEEP READING

Recently, I had the chance to talk to Colleen Marie, Miss August 2003. Aside from gracing the hallowed pages of Playboy, Colleen also found time to become a vet! That's right, a vet. She also had time to create her own website, creatively called ColleenMarie.com Anyway, I figured this was my only chance to ask the questions I've always dreamed about asking a Playboy Playmate, and guess what? She answered them.

How did you decide you wanted to pose nude?

My friend sent my pics in for a college search. So technically none of this blatant nudity is my fault.

Is it weird knowing that millions of people have seen you naked?

Only when creepy people like you put it like that. :) Actually only weird to know my relatives might have seen it, remember I am from the south so the chances are pretty high.  KEEP READING

Currently touring 60 colleges in an RV, the American Beerpong Association of America - Christian Kunkel, Kyle Lininger and Tom Piontkowski - have a simple goal: play as much beerpong as possible. Their website, TheABAA.com is further proof that these dudes are serious about beerpong: they have official rules posted, a schedule of upcoming tour stops and even a table building tutorial. They ever got an article in Sports Illustrated on Campus. What follows is an interview with three guys who did exactly what most of us have dreamed of doing someday...buying an RV and playing beerpong all day.

1. At what point did you decide to get an RV and tour the country hosting Beer Pong tournaments?

About two years ago, we had just gone 16-0 one night and Kyle turned to Christian and said "Dude"¦we should do this as a living and play the sport all across the country."� Christian turned back and said, "You may be half joking, but I'm serious and I am holding you to it."� The rest, as they say, is history.

2. Which school has the most solid players?

The best beerpong players don't go to school, they live in an RV and play beerpong for a living.

3. What's the craziest thing you've seen used as a distraction?

Our dreams are still plagued to this day by some of the grundles we have been forced to see.  KEEP READING

Sure, you could spend hours and hours getting to know someone but why waste all that time? Instead, try making snap judgments based on minimal information like what kind of hat someone wears!



  KEEP READING

The latest local access gem to grace the pages of CollegeHumor is absolutely one of my favorites. This woman's forceful redition of "Pump Up The Jam" is about as soothing as a spiked 2x4 to the skull. Also, the enormously awkward, be-mulleted fat guy in the intro pulling a poorly executed VJ impression really puts it over the edge. It really is a must-watch. The video comes courtesy of a woman named Sondra Prill who somehow managed to get a local access cable show in Tampa, Florida in the early 90's. Also, make sure to check out her equally terrible rendition of Nasty Boys.

If you're a Sondra fan you can even join her Myspace group

And if terrible videos are your thing, we've got a few more glorious moments of mediocre-to-non-existent talent in the Local Access Tag 

It's hard to tell if a class if worth staying enrolled in - let alone attending - in the first few weeks. What starts out as a fun lecture course about modern music can quickly turn into a hellish exploration of Christ-figures in feminist lyrics of the 1990s. Luckily I have devised a little system for determining which classes will be worth your time based on what your professor says during those first few weeks. The game is called "Ditch, Drop or Study" and it's just like "Do, Dump or Marry" except you don't play it staring at a yearbook with your high school buddies.

Just follow the instructions below!

Ditch - Stay enrolled in the class, but never actually go.
Drop - Drop the class as soon as possible.
Study - Without fail, go to every single class.

Ditch the class if you hear the professor say...

"Attendance doesn't count but, guys, you should really come to class now and then."

"I always put my lectures online so if you miss a class you can always get the notes there."

"I'm not going to lie, I'll never remember all of your names."

"Wow, I can barely see you guys sitting up there in the back."

"OK, this is Intro to Communications..."

Drop the class if you hear the professor say...

"And make sure to always cite your references, and God help you if they're not in proper MLA format."

"A paper a week may sound like a lot, but you'llbe surprised how much you learn."

"We're going to skip through the first three chapters because I'm sure you guys read them over the Summer like the enrollment bulletin instructed."

"You'll hear people say this class is hard, that isn't true. The people who say that simply aren't motivated to learn organic chemistry."

"I don't do office hours. If you ever find yourself having a question, this isn't the class for you."

"So let's talk a little about how men have continually held back women in the working world."

"Everyone open to page 1,238 of the book."

Study and attend the class if you hear the professor say...

"Guys, so sorry I'm late. If I'm, like, 5 minutes late again, you guys can just leave."

"Does anyone have any good DVDs we can watch? They only kind of have to be about what we're learning.

"Here's the deal, I don't like to grade papers."

"God, I'm so hungover. The first person up here with an Advil gets an A."

"Ok, welcome to The History of Pornography, section 100."

"Is it me or is this book really boring? Right? I knew it wasn't just me."

"How do you guys feel about a take home final?"

 

One of the great ironies in college is that the harder and more prestigious a school is, the stupider the classes that are offered there. Radar Magazine put together a great article highlighting the dumbest of the dumb. Here's a bit...

1. Lessons from Lost: A Case Study
Vanderbilt University
Can you churn anything through the academic meat-grinder and come out with a course about gender, race, and class? Professor John Sloop's freshman seminar uses the plotlines, website, and clever multimedia clues of ABC's abs-driven drama to teach students about "the function of television in everyday politics." Sloop recently told the Vanderbilt Register that he hopes his course will help students "become more reflective about language, word uses, symbols, signs." Perhaps in preparation for The World According to Jim: Religious Iconography and the Belushis.

Journey through the world of wasted tuition with Radar's 10 Most Moronic College Classes.  

Who says learning can't be fun? Last time we learned about which US presidents have directly killed other humans, but today we're learning something new!

Important Dates In Illegal Drug History

1855 - German chemist Friedrich Gaedcke isolates the cocaine alkaloid, making the manufacture of cocaine possible. Horray!

1874 - Felix Hoffmann, working for Bayer Pharmecuticals, invents a great new cough medicine...Heroin.

1906 - Albert Hofmann is born in Baden Switzerland. 32 years later he will invent LSD. 100 years later (a.k.a. today) he will still be alive.

1937 - The first American is arrested for selling marijuana. Congratulations, Samuel R. Caldwell!

1954 - Pot Brownie recipe appears in the Alice B. Toklas Cookbook.

1970 - Dock Ellis, pitcher for the Pittsburg Pirates, pitches a no hitter while tripping on LSD.

1971 - A group of enterprising students at San Rafael High School in California agreed to meet up after school and smoke weed. The time they chose? You guessed it, 4:20!

1982 - A new drug called crack appears in Miami. This is also the year that I am born, which is way better than crack when it comes to not destroying America's inner cities.

1990 - This dude named Cody is born. In 2013 he will invent a new drug called Whap by mixing cocaine, marijuana, bleach and pressure boiling the whole mixture. By 2016 Whap will be the most abused and harmful drug in the nation.Thanks Cody!...or maybe not, I can't tell the future.

 

This just in...A moose broke into the laundry room at a dorm at Northern Michigan University and we don't have pictures yet! Do pictures of this exist? Video? Did the moose steal anyone's laundry? We need details people.

PS. This story would be ten times funnier if the moose was Moose from 'You Can't Do That On Television.'



UPDATE - The Moose Has Been Spotted
 

If you're a fan of insane videos have I got a clip for you. It comes courtesy of LA funny man Liam Sullivan and it's called, simply, "Shoes." Don't let the simplicity of the title fool you, though; this video takes a turn for the insane about 1 minute in. Enjoy.


click image for video
PS - Kelly, the girl in the video, has her own Myspace. 

Last night Willie Nelson's tour bus got pulled over and searched because "an officer smelled marijuana." Shocking, I know. It turns out that Ol' Willie was packing a pound and a half of primo herb.

Now, at $50 an eighth, that's $400 an ounce. And since there are 16 ounces in a pound, 1 1/2 pounds equals 24 ounces of bud. 24 ounces of weed will run you about $9,600 but let's bump that up to $10,000 because you know Willie only smokes the good shit.

This got me thinking, what else could you get for the value of the weed taken from Willie's bus?

3 pounds of schwag

666 copies of "The Dukes of Hazzard"

2 60" Plasma Flat-Panel TVs

1 60" Plasma Flat-Panel TV, 12 1/2 ounces of weed to smoke while watching your new TV

10,000 American flag bandannas

4,000+ gallons of BioWillieâ„¢, Willie Nelson's alternative soybean based gasoline.

1 year's rent at This Apartment in the Bronx.

1 years tuition at University of New Hampshire.

1 1996 Harley Davidson touring bike

1,000,000 pennies

125 grams of cocaine

Happiness

What else can you get for $10,000? Leave you answers in the comments... 

In case you hadn't heard already, a guy in China underwent the world's first successful penis transplant after losing his member in an accident. The penis, a respectable 4" flacid wang, was donated by the family of a brain dead man. All good, right? Wrong.
Ten days after the monumental surgery the patient had his new dong removed. Why? "Because of a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife."

People have been wondering why someone would want to ditch his new penis and go back to his former 1cm stump. Well, I've got a few reasons...

Skin around the tip "a little fleshier" than he liked.

The 2006 model fraught with problems.

He and new penis just didn't "click."

Always felt like a fag when he masturbated.

Wouldn't fit in the hole at the truckstop anymore.

Could only hold 2000 songs.

Decided to try to work things out with his ex-penis.

Details were misrepresented in original eBay listing.

New penis was tearing up all the furniture.

Old balls weren't compatible with new penis.

Wife's libido suffered due to a condition known as I'm-riding-a-dead-guy's-dick syndrome.

Heard the penis came from a Tibetan, refused to have anything to do with it.

Missed doing the old "Guess what sexual organ is in my pants...None!" trick.

 

Our writers are really smart and occasionally they leave us with what we like to call 'Nuggets of Wisdom.' Today, writers Ethan Trex and Tom Sunnergren supply you with the philosophy you so desperately need.


 

You crave them like your mom craved Jack Daniels when she was pregnant with you. And just like your mom, you should go right ahead and give in to the urge. Hey, just because you have fish eyes and went bald at 12 doesn't mean you can't enjoy some Hotlinks for the weekend, right?

1. A bunch of cheap, rip-off Halloween costumes.

2. Why you should always renew any domain name you own...BTW, does anyone know what URL this is?

3. The reason you should definitely wear condoms.

4. An absolutely ridiculous motorcycle jump. You'll see why.

5. Read Joel's comment. It's amazing.

Have a good weekend and remember, if you have a funny link (or picture or video), send it to me
here 

You've seen them all over the Internet. The nerdy girl. The 'cool' guy. The details of their lives and accompanied by the utter disbelief of the narrator. But their lives aren't all getting married and having seven kids. Just like everyone else, their lives are sometimes tragic and sometimes mundane.

click image for full size











 

It's that time of the day again, the time when I tell you about my favorite Hotlinks of the day. Here we go...

1. A guy on Craigslist realizes he has become creepy weirdo halfway through his post.

2. Possibly the dumbest and most annoying thing on the Internet...but it's funny, too.

3. Commercial for the first laptop made exclusively for looking at filthy porn.

4. An answer to the question "why do people not trust our government?"

5. An entry for the ongoing 'Most Redneck Myspace' contest.

That's your top 5 for the day, hope you like them. Oh, and remember, if you're looking for R-Rated links, they're in the R-Rated section. Perv. 

With the state of education today it's no surprise that most of you have to get your knowledge from the Internet. But who am I to try to change the education system? Instead, I will do my best to teach you about all the important information which will greatly affect your future life. I hope you're ready to learn something.

United States Presidents Who Have Personally Killed Other Human Beings

George Washington

Andrew Jackson

James Monroe

William Henry Harrison

Zachary Taylor

Franklin Pierce

Rutherford B. Hayes

James Garfield

Benjamin Harrison

William McKinley

Theodore Roosevelt

Harry S. Truman

John F. Kennedy

George H.W. Bush

When I go to the poles I kindly ask the elderly woman at the registration table if any of the candidates have ended another human's life. If one of the candidates has blood on his hands I want to make sure I vote for him. Now That shows decision making ability! 

It's my job to go over the submitted hotlinks every morning and pick the best ones for the day's batch.

The full list is to the right, but here are my favorites for today (#1 being the best).

1. An idiotic "Better Together" option on Amazon's Scarface DVD listing

2. Ridiculous Pogo Stick tricks

3. The Voice of Olmec from "Legends of the Hidden Temple" discovered

4. Haley Joel Osment's official arrest report...a DUI and possession, ouch.

5. A dude who, beyond a doubt, is going to Hell. Even if hell doesn't exist, this dude is going there.

LATE ENTRY: It wasn't a Hotlink today but it's too good to pass up. The Borat movie has pissed off the Prime Minister of Kazakhstan enough that he's booked a trip to the US to have a sit down with President Bush. The Prime Minister wants to run a series of educational PSA's touting the "Real Kazakhstan" to combat the bad press that Borat's woman-crushing, dog-killing and Jew-down-the-well-ing has drummed up. Think I'm kidding? I'm Not. 

Sept 15th - Stop calling your friends from home every night.
They care as much about the awesome party you went to as you care about their awesome new roommates. Take a deep breath, hang up the phone and refuse to talk to anyone from home until Thanksgiving break. Yes, that includes you parents, too.

Sept 24th - Stop talking to move-in week friends.
Don't worry, they were just placeholders for real friends and you were the same to them. No harm, no foul. You can look forward to years of awkward nods in the dining hall with these rejected pals.

Oct 1st - Start feeling out ideas for group Halloween costume.
Sure, going as "I'll f-ck anything" Smurf is cool, but showing up with the rest of Smurf village is ten times cooler. Basically, you need to find a group of reliable friends who won't want to split up on Halloween. After all, nobody is going to think one Tetris peice is anything special.

Oct 17th - Kill off your first fictional family member to get out of a test.
It's important not to kill off a fake family too soon in the semester. You need to establish a rapport with your professors before you get any sympathy out of him/her. Think about it this way: when some random homeless guy asks you for money you kick him or spit at him, but if that homeless guy was your cousin you'd probably throw him a few cents. Understand?

Oct 18th - First 'Free Day' of the year.
I mean, you have to go to the "funeral," right?

Nov 1st - Piece together Halloween night.
It's like you and all your friends are detectives trying to solve the Case of the Drunken Adventure. You went out last night dressed as Ron Burgundy but woke up wearing an enormous diaper with half your head shaved. How did that happen? See how many mysteries of the morning you and your fellow gumshoes at the Hangover Detective Agency can solve!

Nov 10th - Put in phone call to high school ex-girlfriend.
It's almost Thanksgiving break and you're going to need to get some at home. There's no point in trying to hook up with someone new at home, just go with what you know. But you really should call and let her know that you two will be doing it again when you both get home. Cross your fingers and hope that she didn't get fat like you did.

December 2nd - My birthday
Ya know, just so you remember... 

Leave your captions in the comments section. I have a good feeling about this one...
 

Easily one of the most depressing industries you can wind up in is the celebrity look alike business. But what's even worse than being a celebrity look alike is being a B-List celebrity look alike. Nothing screams 'unfulfilled dreams' quite like making a career out of pretending to be the other guitar player from Guns n' Roses.

Your mission is to find the funniest B-List celebrity look alike. I'm talking real B-list: Gloria Estefan, the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" kid, that Miz guy (Mike, maybe?) from Real World "Back to New York", etc...

Leave your results in the comments formatted like this...

(celebrity name):(Link)
example...
Carrot Top: www.MyLifeIsAWaste.com

Here's a few links to help get you started:

CelebrityLookalikes.co.uk

Lookalikes-usa.com

TopLookAlikes.co.uk

PartyPop.com

Good Luck  

Man, Suri Cruise (Tom Cruise and Kate Holmes' baby) is Emo as hell. I even found her MySpace, check it out.

Click image for Suri's full MySpace profile 

You know the deal, leave your captions in the comments section.
 

The re-done Facebook.com is the biggest story hitting college campuses today. A lot of the new features are getting some serious negative feedback, which we think is just ridiculous. If you think the new stuff is bad, you should see what features they almost made.



Scheduling Feature



Very Personal User Search



Customized Feeds



See, It could have been worse... 

Forget Suri Cruise. Forget the new Facebook. Our friends over at Egotastic have what will prove to be the biggest thing to ever hit the Internet: Lindsay Lohan's downstairs.

This is one of those pivotal moments in human history like walking on the moon or when Takeru Kobayashi ate more than 50 hot dogs at the 4th of July Hot Dog-a-Thon. Early predictions about the effect these pictures will have on the world are overwhelmingly positive: reduced greenhouse gasses, cheaper oil prices and an end to Middle Eastern violence, to name a few.

Of course, they could just be photoshops... decide for yourself.

UPDATE: Bummer...  

If you're a sick bastard who gets his kicks laughing at the misfortunes of others, then check out The Perry Bible Fellowship. It's an awesome online cartoon that will have your black heart bursting with laughter.



See, I told you so.

For more Perry Bible Fellowship, check out the official site. 

Tell me, who will hunt the crocs now?

 

Because nothing is funnier than your fat child slowly slipping to his death!

 

Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,

After checking many of the profiles on your website, I feel it is my duty to inform you that there are some serious errors present.

Stacey Hessinger's profile claims she is married to Elizabeth Kreuter, a member of her sorority. This statement is false. A word search for Ms. Hessinger's name informs us that she is in a steady relationship with one Terrence Penn, and has been for quite some time. Also, Ms. Hessinger's profile contains some spelling errors; "hott," "rawk," and "kewl" are the three that jump out at me immediately. Perhaps your editors missed those.  KEEP READING

 

12. All the hot girls will eat huge salads covered in egg whites and balsamic vinegarette dressing. Sure, you may think it's cool that they watch what they eat but get closer to them. Do you smell that? I bet you do. Eat enough salad, like these girls, and you'll stink like rotting vegetables as your pores begin to secrete luquid compost. Not so hot anymore, huh?

11. They put laxatives in the food. Seriously. Explains a lot, doesn't it.

10. 80% of the staff at your dining hall openly resent you; the other 20% harbor a smoldering, subtle contempt for your arrogant appraoch to the salad bar and your constant criticism of bagel freshness.  KEEP READING