My 100% reliable predictions for the coming year.

• A famous celebrity will end life's journey and die peacefully at home!
  
• A sports match will lead to an argument amongst friends!
• Old Navy will advertise their reasonably priced half zip pullovers with the help of smiling people of various races singing a well-known song!  There may even be dancing!
  
• The Daily Show will highlight and mock George W. Bush's foibles!
  
• There will be a natural disaster of some sort somewhere on the Earth!
• Abortion will continue to cause disagreements between people of contrasting points of view!
• Your Mother will forward you an email containing a funny cartoon which was forwarded to her by someone at her place of employment!
• You will urinate at least once every day!
• You will get sick!  Nothing serious, though, most likely a sinus infection or a stomach bug.

The prophecy is told! 

1. Silence
2. Fear
3. Gruel (cold)
4. Rickets
5. False Hope
6. Lice
7. Typhus
8. Ten Lashes of the Cane
   
9. Second-Hand Dirt
10. Copy of Oliver Twist with the last 100 pages ripped out
11. Whooping cough
12. Sega Genesis

 

  KEEP READING

 

Our attempt to give you the information you crave on the actors responsible for our favorite supporting roles. 

Anyone who has seen an episode of Scrubs knows Rob Maschio as The Todd: The hospital's banana hammock wearing, high five giving, sexually ambiguous, wildly horny surgeon.  Let's take a minute to learn a little bit more about America's most lovable chauvinist pig. 

How many high fives do you give out every day, on average?
Not a day goes by where someone (a dude) will approach me and ask for a high five. It's fun , I get a kick out of it. Now I know I didn't  invent the high five, but the funny aspect of the Todd's High Fives are that he names them - the miracle five, mental five, sterile five, betrayal five, I miss you five, self five, air five, make it stop five, euphemism five, and the list goes on and on.  That's fun for me to be in a scene and think what type of high five I might be able to give. During the episode where the todd was acting gay (episode 5.20 My Lunch) I had a bunch of gay five improvs up my sleeve that didn't make it into the episode. Hot Gay sex five, Man on man five, reach around five, in your ass five...naturally these were way to dirty for TV, but the crew seemed to like them.

Who is responsible for adding the finger snap, post-high five? 
That's all me my friend, I was looking to put my personal touch on it, and it's great for timing and buttoning or punching a comedic moment.

Scrubs gets crazy famous guest stars all the time, who was your favorite to work with?
Michael J. Fox, Dick Van Dyke, and Heather Graham were among my favorite guest stars. Michael J. Fox and Dick Van Dyke because they're TV royalty and I have so much respect for them and Heather Graham because I wanted her very badly and couldn't have made it more clear. Alas... She was also really good on the show - she played a quirky, absent minded, free spirited doctor and I think it's because she's so hot that people don't see what a good job she did on the show.  I offered to high five her, to low five her, to side five her, and she wouldn't have it. Nevertheless I am still a big fan of hers.  KEEP READING

Wow, New Year's Day. Break is half way over and all the fun is just... Umm... Ha. Wow. Okay, Okay. No, I’m fine. Just let me close my eyes for a second.  Ugh.

Okay. Yeah. The good part of break is over and now you’ve got a lot of time... Left. OW!  Ugh, this computer screen is so bright.

No dude, don't touch me. Dude! Don’t touch me! My head is killing me. One second. I said one second, just…hold on.  Dude, get me some water?

Okay, so yeah. Um, here are some good tips for how to spend the rest of your break and, hold on a second because if I don’t get some water my head is going to explode.  DUDE!  WATER?

1. Try to hook up with your ex: Hooking up is shit hold on. Shit. Shit... Okay I'm gonna... DUDE WATER?!... Jesus, I can’t do this today I’m sorry.

*in the distance* Sorry! Back tomorrow! *faint vomiting noises* 

It's that time of the week again, the time when we post the stupidest questions you heard in class. If you send in the absolute stupidest, you get a free Big Shocker. Read all five and cast your vote. And, if you heard something stupid in class this week, send it to me at CHStupidQuestions @ Gmail.com.

The Nominees

A) Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, CA
Submitted by Abby

Economics discussion about students in third world countries gaining internet access
Professor:  So do we all think students in Thailand would use computers and the internet for educational purposes ?
Sorostitute:  Umm...but if they don't speak English, how are they gonna read what's on the internet?

B) College of DuPage, Glen Ellyn, IL
Submitted by Matt

In Bio
Professor:  And the fish's gills are used to extract oxygen from the water.
Moron: Wait...there's oxygen in water?

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It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR.  See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires.  And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Be extremely strong but have no tolerance for pain or be extremely weak but hardly ever feel pain? Submitted by Zane
• Would you rather make out with Carlos Mencia for ten minutes or have to watch every episode of Mind of Mencia back-to-back?
• Pee the bed during a one night stand or fart during a beej from your girlfriend? Submitted by Dara
• Be lovin' it or have it your way?
• Be Tubgirl or Goatse? Submitted by Jon
• Stick your finger up your own ass or stick your finger up your best friend's ass? Submitted by Jake
• Be covered head to toe in scabs or head to toe in blisters? Submitted by Jacklyn
• Have a threesome with your parents and have no one on earth ever know about it or not have a threesome with your parents but have everyone think you did? Submitted by Sam
• Fall into a coma for twenty years and then wake up and resume your life for another forty years or live for twenty years more and then drop dead? Submitted by Bobby
• Would you rather be drafted and shipped over to Iraq for the next three
  years or move your whole family to a bad neighborhood in Milwaukee and live there for the next twenty years? Also from Bobby
• Drink pina coladas or get caught in the rain?

And the winner of the You Were Definitely High When You Sent This In Award goes to Alex, who's pot-addled mind produced this.

• Would you rather fight a bear with sharks for arms or two hundred first graders?

Send your best WYR's to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com

 

  KEEP READING

Once again, Mental Floss and I are here to bring you the knowledge you crave.  Well, maybe not crave, but you'll give it a passing glance, right?  C'mon dude, I spent so much time on it...

Anyway, in honor of the holiday season, we're going to learn about..

  KEEP READING

There is no explanation for this product other than massive amounts of weed.
 

It's that time of the week again, the time when we post the stupidest questions you heard in class. If you send in the absolute stupidest, you get a free Big Shocker. Read all five and cast your vote. And, if you heard something stupid in class this week, send it to me at CHStupidQuestions @ Gmail.com.

  KEEP READING

Last week our own Dan Gurewitch did a funny update called shamings by major. It included the following graphic; a shaming perpetrated by a biology major.

But it doesn't end there.

Proving again that CollegeHumor readers are a funny bunch, we came across this picture submitted a day later by a marine biology major.


Man, I love you guys... 

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR.  See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires.  And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Be on crutches forever or in a motorized wheelchair? From Fiona
  
• Eat at Long John Silver's for 6 meals in a row or watch an entire episode of The War at Home? From Nick
• Have short, stubby, tiny arms or short, stubby, tiny legs?
  
• Have sex with Jessica Alba then immediately be castrated or have sex whenever you wanted with Rosie O'Donnell? From Scott
• Answer the question or take the physical challenge?
  
• Have a brain freeze for the rest of your life, or be completely sun burned for the rest of your life? from Nick
• Constantly hear techno music or always have bad breath? from Jeff
• Constantly hear a baby crying or constantly smell vegetarian farts? from Eric
• Be able to do any accent perfectly or be able to sing any song perfectly?
  
• Clog the toilet at your girlfriend's house and she has to unplug it or have your girlfriend clog the toilet at your house and you have to unplug it? from Ryan

And this week's Above and Beyond the Call of Duty Award goes to Matt, who sent in a few stellar WYR's. 

• Have the ability to eat coal and poop diamonds or have the ability to eat criminals and poop truth and justice?
  
• Be the best Super Mario Kart (SNES) player of all time or have a bit role on the tv sit-com Malcolm in the Middle?

And finally...

• Have your daughter do hardcore drugs or hardcore porn?

Send your best WYR's to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com 

Still looking to put off studying for finals?  Have I got a contest for you!

The premise is simple: I post a dare, you complete the dare and email it to me, I post the best ones and everyone votes to decide the winner.  The person with the most votes snags a Free BustedTee.

I dare you to make a shrine to Gary Sinise in your room.  Your shrine can be composed of anything Gary: pictures of Gary at events, drawings of Gary in his various film roles, Gary-scented candles or epic poems composed in Gary's honor.  As long as it's a Gary shrine and you're in the picture, it's good to go.

Make sure your pictures are in no later than Tuesday night!  I'll post the best ones on Wednesday and let everyone vote for the winner. 

Send pictures of your Gary shrine to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com

 

It's time once again to delve into a world of knowledge your school knows nothing about.  A world of useful knowledge provided by my friends over at Mental Floss.  Today, why don't we take some time to learn about...



The Ingredients: Sudafed, NyQuil, Tylenol Cold
The Product: Meth
Who knew?: Well, most people in Missouri from what I hear. Apparently, the meds are useful to drug dealers because they contain pseudoephedrine, which is currently over the counter, but probably won’t be for long. Sen. Feinstein is trying to put meth labs out of business by requiring prescriptions for cough medicine sales, and limiting individual purchases to 7.5 grams a month - which is all well and good until you find yourself preforming sex acts on strangers in an alley just to get a few grams of the Quil.  KEEP READING

  KEEP READING

Click To Soberize! 

It's that time of the week again, the time when we post the stupidest questions you heard in class. If you send in the absolute stupidest, you get a free Big Shocker. Read all five and cast your vote. And, if you heard something stupid in class this week, send it to me at CHStupidQuestions @ Gmail.com.

The Nominees
A) Villanova University, Villanova, PA
Submitted by Judd

In a theology class, talking about Pope John Paul II
Genius: "Did John Paul think that Jews could get into heaven?"
Priest: "...Well, Jesus was a Jew."
Genius: "So did John Paul think that Jesus got into heaven?"

B) Auburn University, Auburn, Alabama
Submitted by Adam

Professor: "Why was Eli Whitney's cotton gin such an important invention
in 1793?"
Rich Girl From Georgia: "Cuz it gave black people steady jobs?"
Angry stares from all around  KEEP READING

Big ups snaps all around for Scott Basinger who won this weeks Facebook Challenge with his group, This group is so easy, even a caveman could join it! For his efforts, we're going to give Scott a free BustedTee which he can either wear or use as a free Christmas gift.

Thanks to everyone who played, and remember to join our Facebook Group. 

Things look a little different when you're drunk...

Sober ::: Drunk






 

It's that time of the week again. See if you can rationalize a decision for any of the following WYR's and don't forget you can send your best WYR's to me at Streeter.Seidell@Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

Drink a cup of gasoline or a cup of cologne?

From Jon

Sleep with 3 Victoria Secret models and be forced to never tell anyone about it or spend a night in a hotel room just chatting to 3 Victoria Secret models and have the whole world think you slept with them?

From Bongani

Have someone steal your dog or hit your kid?

From Drew

Pull out all of your fingernails, one by one, or pull out your teeth, one by one?

  KEEP READING