Hello? Is this Matt? What's up man, I'm your freshman year roommate! Yeah dude, good to finally put a voice to a name, too, right? Oh man, I'm so pumped for this year. I don't know about you but I can't wait to get away from my parents. They're just, like, always bugging me about cleaning my room and not staying out late, ya know? What's that? You're a Mormon? Do you have, like, four moms? Whoa dude, calm down, it was just a joke"¦Oh, I see, you don't "do"� jokes"¦sorry?

Anyway dude, what kind of stuff are you planning on bringing? Clothes? Oh"¦ok, yeah, I guess that was kind of a given but I mean, like, are you bringing the TV or do you want me to, that kind of stuff. Oh, well I guess I'll just bring the TV then"¦well, nobody is going to force you to watch it"¦so you're saying it's against your beliefs to live in a dwelling that has a working TV? I don't know man, that doesn't sound like Mormonism to me"¦Ok, ok, chill out, dude. You're right, you're the expert on Mormonism, I guess.

Perhaps the worst part about going back to school after Summer vacation is hearing everyone's stories about how much fun they were having the last three months. Luckily, I've devised this MadLib to help save you time. Simply hand it out to your friends have them fill in the blanks. Presto! All the information you need without using any of the social skills you honed at World of Warcraft camp!

Oh man, this summer was awesome. I just basically chilled with some of my buds from (name of hometown) . It was cool because my buddy (name of friend) had a sick fake ID and he could get us brews from the packy. What? Why didn't I use my fake? What are you, crazy, dude? I wasn't going to risk losing that, man. Do you know how hard it is to get a good fake (state in U.S.) ID?

Besides crippling social anxiety and trying to "˜keep things together' with their high school sweethearts, every freshman guy has one thing in common: they love getting drunk. Many experienced upperclassmen let their evenings out be ruined by these roving bands of intoxicated freshmen. "Look at these idiots,"� you say, "They can't hold their booze at all. They totally ruined this bar."� Shame on you. As an experienced college student you should know that every negative has a positive and that positive is usually a drinking game. So next time you're at your favorite bar and a herd of freshmen dudes come tramping through the door, filling the juke box with their TRL favorites and ordering shot after shot of Jager, don't get mad, just play Drunk Freshman: The Drinking Game!