The Wackiness Continues!  Yesterday it was horses in banks, today is All About Goats!
 

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According to Yahoo's front  page, today is THE WACKIEST DAY EVER!
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Ben Gleib used to write for CollegeHumor all the time.  Then he went and got himself on a TV show.  Which one, you ask?  The Real Wedding Crashers, which premieres tonight at 10 on NBC.  The always-gracious Ben took time out of his busy schedule to answer a few questions for me.  Enjoy.

Hey Ben, it’s crazy that you’re going to be on this big new show on NBC.  Remember when you were just another comedian and CollegeHumor contributor?
I do not remember my past.  That way I can repeat it.  But if I had any memories of contributing to CollegeHumor, I'm sure they would have been pleasant, and probably involved feeling that my articles and videos were inadequate compared to hot girls kissing.

It’s incredible how quickly you’ve risen.  Do you ever forget the people who helped you along the way?  People who posted your videos, writing and/or linked to your site?
They say when you make it big, you have to make sure to forget everyone that got you there.  That way you can stay humble.  This makes sense to me.  Because if you remember all the people that were involved, that helped you, you'll start feeling important.  Like you need this big team of people.  By thinking that you did it all yourself, you can remain more innocent.
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Dudes, check out these pictures!

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It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• (At the bar) Have hot girls dancing in front of you or plates of free bacon in front of you? From Mathias
• Sit on a freezing cold toilet seat in a public bathroom or sit on a warm toilet seat in a public bathroom? From Andrew
• Hear your parents having sex every night or watch them have sex one night? From Matt
• Pee standing up or have multiple orgasms? From Stephen
• Eat cheese for every meal, every day, forever or never have cheese again?
  
• Get your penis caught in the magic bullet, or get your penis caught in a Jack LaLanne power juicer? From Cam and Brandon
• Have time travel be real or heaven?
  
• Weigh 90 pounds or 260 pounds? From Amir
• Only have one ass cheek or only have one lip? From Nittany Lion
• Be Lebowski or Spicoli. From RashBo
• Eat three fistfuls of dirt or a notebook? From Jeff
• Win 100 Million dollars in the lottery or work hard and build a business that, in ten years time, will be worth 20 Million dolllars?
  
• Never be able to own a portable mp3 player or a television? From Amir
  

And this week's winner of the I Think I'm Super Clever Award goes to Miller, who sent in this barely decipherable, half-formed joke.

• Would you Rather, Dan?

Send your best (original) WYRs to Streeter.Seidell@gmail.com 

I was Facebook messaged by a young man asking for help in what he called "The Great Facebook Race."  Basically, they challenged the British to see who could get 50,000 people in a group first.  Sad to say, our mighty nation is losing miserably (5,000 to the Brit's 40,000)

But don't fear, don't give up hope.  Did General Washington throw up his hands at Valley Forge and say "I give up"?  Did he?  NO!  Instead he leaped across the Delaware river in a single bound choked the life from 40,000 Germans all by himself.  AND THAT IS WHAT WE MUST DO!  WE MUST FIGHT! 

I have faith in you CollegeHumorites.  We're old pros at the 'get a lot of people to join a group' game.  The Facebook Challenges have been but mere training for this, an international showdown. 

Band together, American College Students!  Take what is yours!  We created Facebook, We created the Internet, We created the doggie style and WE WILL WIN!

Lest ye forget, good countrymen and women, the British are the ones who sent us James Blunt and his irritating songs! 

So quickly now, JOIN THE FIGHT!
 

You know how we're always giving away BustedTees as prizes?  The reason we do that is because the same people who run this website also run BustedTees.  Also, the same people who write the articles for this site think of the ideas for the T-Shirts.  So when the suits over at BustedTees asked us to come up with a way to showcase the latest shirts on CollegeHumor we thought the best way to do that would be to show some of the ideas that didn't make the cut.


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We don't hold too many things sacred around here and we always try to find the funny side of life, but what happened at Virginia Tech is as far from funny as you can get. 

VT is the single most active school on CollegeHumor and we wanted to make sure the students there know that our thoughts are with them. 

We'll continue to post funny things below because, well, that's what we do, and when our VT users are ready to laugh at videos of funny cats or pictures of creative beer pong tables again, we'll be here for them. 

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It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Kill a man with your bare hands or kill a bear with
  your man hands? From DR Clark
  

• Be able to converse solely using song lyrics or movie
  quotes? From Sarah

• Have a bed made out of teddy bears or stuffed bunnies?
  

• Be known for dying of a heroin overdose, or be known for committing suicide? From Tom

• Work in an office with all fat, naked guys and get paid $100,000 a year, or work in an office with all hot, naked chicks and get paid $20,000? From David

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Amir got me pretty bad a few weeks ago and since then I've been plotting a good way to get him back.  I spent the past two weeks working on this prank and I must say, I'm pretty happy with the results.  Enjoy!
 

This month we're talking to the incredibly cute Miss May, Shannon James.  She's 20 years-old, in a sorority and hails from the great state of Pennsylvania. And now...

1. Do you look at your nude body and think, "Damn, I look good"?
I think I have a nice figure, but like every girl, I have little insecurities. No body is perfect.

2. What is your favorite "gross" food.  Examples would be french fries drenched in mayo or deep fried chicken skin.
Chocolate covered potato chips... sooooo good but sooo weird.

3. Why do Playmates lie and say a sense of humor is their biggest turn on?
I don't know about the BIGGEST turn on but it's not a lie! If a guy can make you smile, let alone laugh, he is already WAY ahead of the game.

4. Do you ever wish you could go back and sleep with people you used to date just to be like, "Look how good I am now."
Hahah, No. If it didn't work out there is a reason and they shouldn't get to see my new moves ;)

5. Is it still considered picking your nose if you put a tissue over your finger before going in?
YES!

6. When I got a Blackberry I thought ladies would pay more attention to me when I took it out in the elevator.  That hasn't happened.  Why?
This one's easy. You should be paying attention to the girl and making small talk, not being obsessed with your blackberry

7. How long must you date someone before you feel comfortable farting in front of them?  Using their bathroom for a #2?
IT IS NOT OK TO GET THAT COMFORTABLE! I'm weird about that one...
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It's been about a week since your parents' favorite radio personality, Don Imus, made racist remarks about the Rutgers women's basketball team. And by racist remarks, we mean calling them "nappy-headed hoes." He also referred to African Americans as "you people" on Rev. Al Sharpton's show.


Needless to say, Don Imus has pulled a Kramer.


We want to know, what will Don Imus do next?

 

A) Lynchburg College, Lynchburg, VA
Submitted by Michelle

My history professor was talking about teaching in Africa for two years.

The Brain: So, are there any schools in Africa?

B) Texas A&M, College Station, TX
Submitted by Jordy

In Anthropology, Peoples and Cultures of the World, we were talking about
early and current foraging cultures:

Professor: Studies have shown, contrary to popular belief, a typical hunter-gatherer would only work 42 hours.
The Brilliance:  Is that per day?
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I'm pleased to introduce you to our newest Morning After columns.  First up we have The Morning After Entourage, by Scot Richardson. 

Next, we have The Morning After The Sopranos by Matt Hulten.

Enjoy! 

 

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It's back!  Here's how it works:

1. Create one of the groups listed below.
2. Get 1,000 people to join your group.
3. Email me at Streeter.Seidell@gmail.com when you've hit the 1,000 member mark with a link to your group.
4. Claim a Free BustedTee AND $50. 
   

Some tips: make your group global so anyone can join.  Mention it's for a CollegeHumor contest so people don't think you're crazy.  But before we get to the groups, here's an idea I had.

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NEW FUN THING! The Facebook Challenge is a blast, but not everybody has the determination to make a group and stick with it.  That's why I'm introducing Friendvalanche.  The idea is simple: I give you someone to add as a friend on Facebook, you add them and send them a message.  The first target of our friendliness is....

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And now...

 

It's always nice to see your friends make it big and we couldn't be happier for the three guys from MTV's Human Giant: Paul Scheer, Aziz Ansari and Rob Heubel.  We’ve known them for years and they’re still as down-to-earth and cool as they’ve always been. Tonight is their big night and I'm going to ask them some questions about the show. 

(dials Paul)

Streeter: Hey Paul, are you nervous about the big premiere tonight?

Paul: Hello Mr. Seidell, this is Paul's assistant, Rebecca. 

Streeter: Oh...Hi, is Paul around?  I had a few questions about the show.

Rebecca: No.  You can always call his publicist, Nate.  

Streeter: Oh, OK.  Thanks.  

(dials publicist)

Nate: Yell-o?

Streeter: Hi Nate, this is Streeter Seidell from CollegeHumor.  I'm an old friend of Paul's.  We used to watch Lost together every week.  I was wondering if you could put me in touch with him?  I have some questions about his new show.  I'm trying to plug it on the website.

Nate: Website?  I don't know if you heard yet, Peter, but Paul has a TV show coming out.  He can't waste time talking to geeks from the world wide website. 

Streeter: I hardly think that's fair.  Human Giant started out as a series of web videos so it definitely relates.  Plus, the website I work for is pretty popular.  

Nate: How many peeps we talking?

Streeter: What...?

Nate: How many peeps hit your geek-spot every month?

Streeter: Around six million, plus it's a very influential demograph...

Nate: No can do, homo.  Don't call me again.  If you absolutely must talk to someone, call MTV's PR department.  Number in three, two, one...347-2283.

(hangs up)
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You may have seen ads on the site for a contest we're doing with Old Spice called "Keep It Clean."  "I hate advertising!" you scream, "You sold out!" 

Yup! 

BUT, we wouldn't leave you out, would we?  Old Spice gave us $2,500 to award to the winner of each category.  All you need to do is send us a picture of something that looks dirty but isn't. 

The Categories

1. Nature
2. Architecture
3. Double Entendre
4. Potpurri (anything that doesn't fit into the above mentioned)

If you want some of that sweet, sweet cash get your pics in quick - the submission phase ends tomorrow!  See the contest page for more info.

"I love advertising!" you shriek, "Thanks for the free money!"  Don't thank us, just thank me.  It was all my idea.  Totally. 

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"Seriously dude, shut the f*ck up.  I'm trying to think."

Number of times "Uptown Girl" has been listened to

Notebooks thrown at Jake Hurwitz for being a total f*cking waste of space.

Man, I wish I could go back and sleep with my ex-girlfriends now and be like, "See, I'm better now than when we dated."

Amount of sense the lines make

Help from Amir

Amount this seems like a good idea

 

A) Emerson College, Boston, MA
Submitted by Sam

After watching 'The Miracle Worker'

Intellectual Wizard: So, is this based on a true story?

B) Bentley College, Waltham, MA
Submitted by Bryan

In Cross-Cultural Understandings class, talking about the weather in France.
 
Professor: What would another name for rain be?
The Brilliance: Snow?
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