Streeter Seidell's Article Archive
24 total in April 2007The Weekly WYR
What the what? The Weekly WYR on Monday?! Yup. The Stupid Question Hall Of Fame is on hold for a bit until we can work out boring legal stuff. Luckily, the WYR is stepping up to fill in the blanks. Keep an eye out for the Stupid Question HOF's return (now with official rules) in a week or two but for now, enjoy the WYR.
It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.
Would You Rather...
And the Winner of this week's "Two Ways To Say The Same Thing" Award is Joe, who sent in this:
Would You Rather...
- Have sex with an animal or a dead body? From Andrew
- Not be able to remember the last thing you said or not be able to remember the last thing you said? From Christophe
- Smell like fish or smell like morning breath?
- Be pissed off constantly or pissed on occasionally? From Aaron
- Wear a tight, black, emo-like shirt that says "disturbed" for the rest of your life, or a Hello Kitty backpack for the rest of your life? From Nick
- Get famous for taking the world's biggest dump or having the world's biggest teeth?
- Have no sense of humor, or no sense of hygiene? From Alex
- Be Simon Cowell or Randy Jackson? From Jeff
- Drive a Smart car that smelled like flowers, or a Lamborghini that smelled like dog crap? From Evan
- Know how our eyes got so red or what the hell is on Joey's head? From Ryan
- Be the best garbage man in town or the worst lawyer?
- TYPE IN ALL CAPS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, 0R +YP3 1n l33+5P33|< pH0r t3H r35+ 0F j00R L1F3? From Greg
- Have wii or weed? From J
And the Winner of this week's "Two Ways To Say The Same Thing" Award is Joe, who sent in this:
- Would you rather have severe sunburn on your penis for a month or not be able to have sex for a month?
Again, Yahoo? Really?
The CH Salute: The Bill Martyr
Eating alone is one of the saddest things a person can do. It's pathetic, really; siting by yourself, gorging on easy mac in your underwear, passively watching an old South Park you've seen twenty times. Hence our need to acquire friends to join us on culinary adventures. And when one of these adventures leads us to a place where money must be exchanged for food, one friend becomes particularly invaluable.
On the surface he looks like your other friends: mildly overweight, funny but not hilarious, somewhat shaggy hair and an inexplicable interest in trains, maybe. But underneath that unassuming shell beats the heart of a hero, a martyr even. You see, he, my friends, is the Bill Martyr and his sacrifice is all of your gain.
Only when the server drops off the check will he spring into action. As you all try in vain to calculate what is owed, craning your neck to see how much that Bloomin' Onion set you back, the Bill Martyr sits quietly. Even as five and tens are tossed carelessly into a pot, he waits. And then his all-encompassing hatred of math boils over and he sacrifices himself to the greater good of the table.
"Let's just put it on my card." he says quietly. The action stops.
Your Savior
Only when the server drops off the check will he spring into action. As you all try in vain to calculate what is owed, craning your neck to see how much that Bloomin' Onion set you back, the Bill Martyr sits quietly. Even as five and tens are tossed carelessly into a pot, he waits. And then his all-encompassing hatred of math boils over and he sacrifices himself to the greater good of the table.
"Let's just put it on my card." he says quietly. The action stops.
This Just In...
According to Yahoo's front page, today is THE WACKIEST DAY EVER!
Interview With Ben Gleib
I do not remember my past. That way I can repeat it. But if I had any memories of contributing to CollegeHumor, I'm sure they would have been pleasant, and probably involved feeling that my articles and videos were inadequate compared to hot girls kissing.
It’s incredible how quickly you’ve risen. Do you ever forget the people who helped you along the way? People who posted your videos, writing and/or linked to your site?
They say when you make it big, you have to make sure to forget everyone that got you there. That way you can stay humble. This makes sense to me. Because if you remember all the people that were involved, that helped you, you'll start feeling important. Like you need this big team of people. By thinking that you did it all yourself, you can remain more innocent.
Oh Man, You Gotta Check This Out!
Dudes, check out these pictures!
I can feel this color, man. It's rich and tasty. But it's playful, too. It reminds me of The Beach Boys, most of their music is purple.
This can teach you, man. It's math and it's beautiful! If you think about it, like, you can get smarter just looking at this picture.
I can feel this color, man. It's rich and tasty. But it's playful, too. It reminds me of The Beach Boys, most of their music is purple.
This can teach you, man. It's math and it's beautiful! If you think about it, like, you can get smarter just looking at this picture.
The Weekly WYR
It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.
Would You Rather...
Would You Rather...
- (At the bar) Have hot girls dancing in front of you or plates of free bacon in front of you? From Mathias
- Sit on a freezing cold toilet seat in a public bathroom or sit on a warm toilet seat in a public bathroom? From Andrew
- Hear your parents having sex every night or watch them have sex one night? From Matt
- Pee standing up or have multiple orgasms? From Stephen
- Eat cheese for every meal, every day, forever or never have cheese again?
- Get your penis caught in the magic bullet, or get your penis caught in a Jack LaLanne power juicer? From Cam and Brandon
- Have time travel be real or heaven?
- Weigh 90 pounds or 260 pounds? From Amir
- Only have one ass cheek or only have one lip? From Nittany Lion
- Be Lebowski or Spicoli. From RashBo
- Eat three fistfuls of dirt or a notebook? From Jeff
- Win 100 Million dollars in the lottery or work hard and build a business that, in ten years time, will be worth 20 Million dolllars?
- Never be able to own a portable mp3 player or a television? From Amir
And this week's winner of the I Think I'm Super Clever Award goes to Miller, who sent in this barely decipherable, half-formed joke.
- Would you Rather, Dan?
Send your best (original) WYRs to Streeter.Seidell@gmail.com
Listen Up America
But don't fear, don't give up hope. Did General Washington throw up his hands at Valley Forge and say "I give up"? Did he? NO! Instead he leaped across the Delaware river in a single bound choked the life from 40,000 Germans all by himself. AND THAT IS WHAT WE MUST DO! WE MUST FIGHT!
I have faith in you CollegeHumorites. We're old pros at the 'get a lot of people to join a group' game. The Facebook Challenges have been but mere training for this, an international showdown.
Band together, American College Students! Take what is yours! We created Facebook, We created the Internet, We created the doggie style and WE WILL WIN!
Lest ye forget, good countrymen and women, the British are the ones who sent us James Blunt and his irritating songs!
So quickly now, JOIN THE FIGHT!
"I proclaim a new law! We shall strike all superfluous British "U's" from words that do not need them. From this day forth, Colour shall be COLOR and ours SHALL NOT RUN!" -General George Washington
And if you still need convincing that this is the greatest country in the world, I suggest you watch this classic video about the The Father Of Our Country himself.
Our Brilliant (Rejected) Ideas - Take 1
You know how we're always giving away BustedTees as prizes? The reason we do that is because the same people who run this website also run BustedTees. Also, the same people who write the articles for this site think of the ideas for the T-Shirts. So when the suits over at BustedTees asked us to come up with a way to showcase the latest shirts on CollegeHumor we thought the best way to do that would be to show some of the ideas that didn't make the cut.
"Homar Slamson" Created By Jeff Rubin
This is a tricky one. For as long as The Simpsons has been on the air, there's been bootleg merchandise. Matt Groening actually collects it. We all thought it would be funny to do a bootleg of a bootleg.
Homer is one of the most recognizable and well known characters in the world. When I was in Europe, I saw fake Homer shirts in nearly every country I visited. Across the globe, he's as recognizable as Mickey Mouse (at least in the countries that matter, sorry Uganda). We wanted a shirt that looked like it was drawn by someone who had only heard about The Simpsons and never seen it. The idea that someone could possibly be ignorant of Homer, and is too lazy to look it up before printing a t-shirt, never stops being funny to me.
This is a tricky one. For as long as The Simpsons has been on the air, there's been bootleg merchandise. Matt Groening actually collects it. We all thought it would be funny to do a bootleg of a bootleg.Homer is one of the most recognizable and well known characters in the world. When I was in Europe, I saw fake Homer shirts in nearly every country I visited. Across the globe, he's as recognizable as Mickey Mouse (at least in the countries that matter, sorry Uganda). We wanted a shirt that looked like it was drawn by someone who had only heard about The Simpsons and never seen it. The idea that someone could possibly be ignorant of Homer, and is too lazy to look it up before printing a t-shirt, never stops being funny to me.
On A Serious Note...
We don't hold too many things sacred around here and we always try to find the funny side of life, but what happened at Virginia Tech is as far from funny as you can get.
VT is the single most active school on CollegeHumor and we wanted to make sure the students there know that our thoughts are with them.
We'll continue to post funny things below because, well, that's what we do, and when our VT users are ready to laugh at videos of funny cats or pictures of creative beer pong tables again, we'll be here for them.
VT is the single most active school on CollegeHumor and we wanted to make sure the students there know that our thoughts are with them.
We'll continue to post funny things below because, well, that's what we do, and when our VT users are ready to laugh at videos of funny cats or pictures of creative beer pong tables again, we'll be here for them.
Facebook News Feed Of The Worst Day Ever
The Weekly WYR
It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.
Would You Rather...
Would You Rather...
- Kill a man with your bare hands or kill a bear with
your man hands? From DR Clark
- Be able to converse solely using song lyrics or movie
quotes? From Sarah
- Have a bed made out of teddy bears or stuffed bunnies?
- Be known for dying of a heroin overdose, or be known for committing suicide? From Tom
- Work in an office with all fat, naked guys and get paid $100,000 a year, or work in an office with all hot, naked chicks and get paid $20,000? From David
"Andy Bloom" Joins The Prank War
The Prank War Goes On! on Vimeo
PS. I realize that you can't see the Craigslist posting in the video, here is a screencap.
Ask A Playmate: Shannon James, May 2007
I think I have a nice figure, but like every girl, I have little insecurities. No body is perfect.
2. What is your favorite "gross" food. Examples would be french fries drenched in mayo or deep fried chicken skin.
Chocolate covered potato chips... sooooo good but sooo weird.
3. Why do Playmates lie and say a sense of humor is their biggest turn on?
I don't know about the BIGGEST turn on but it's not a lie! If a guy can make you smile, let alone laugh, he is already WAY ahead of the game.
4. Do you ever wish you could go back and sleep with people you used to date just to be like, "Look how good I am now."
Hahah, No. If it didn't work out there is a reason and they shouldn't get to see my new moves ;)
5. Is it still considered picking your nose if you put a tissue over your finger before going in?
YES!
6. When I got a Blackberry I thought ladies would pay more attention to me when I took it out in the elevator. That hasn't happened. Why?
This one's easy. You should be paying attention to the girl and making small talk, not being obsessed with your blackberry
7. How long must you date someone before you feel comfortable farting in front of them? Using their bathroom for a #2?
IT IS NOT OK TO GET THAT COMFORTABLE! I'm weird about that one...
Imus Pulls A Kramer
Needless to say, Don Imus has pulled a Kramer.
We want to know, what will Don Imus do next?
The Stupid Question Hall Of Fame
The Stupid Question Hall of Fame is back again, ready to embarrass the kids who cheapen your degree. Remember the rules - If you send in the absolute stupidest, you get a free Big Shocker. Read all five and cast your vote. And, if you heard something stupid in class this week, send it to me at CHStupidQuestions @ Gmail.com. INCLUDE YOUR SCHOOL!
The Nominees
A) Lynchburg College, Lynchburg, VA
Submitted by Michelle
My history professor was talking about teaching in Africa for two years.
The Brain: So, are there any schools in Africa?
B) Texas A&M, College Station, TX
Submitted by Jordy
In Anthropology, Peoples and Cultures of the World, we were talking about
early and current foraging cultures:
Professor: Studies have shown, contrary to popular belief, a typical hunter-gatherer would only work 42 hours.
The Brilliance: Is that per day?
Two New Morning Afters
I'm pleased to introduce you to our newest Morning After columns. First up we have The Morning After Entourage, by Scot Richardson.
Next, we have The Morning After The Sopranos by Matt Hulten.
Enjoy!
Next, we have The Morning After The Sopranos by Matt Hulten.
Enjoy!
Well, That Was Quick
Dayyyyyyum, I think we have a new record. Ian Nacht got the required 1,000 members in his group, Hotdogs > Real Dogs, in about 24 hours.
For his efforts, Ian is getting a free BustedTee and fifty dollars worth of money. When I asked him how he felt about the victory, Ian only had this to say: "Warren Winter sucks." I'm as confused as you are.
Thanks to everyone who played and better luck next time!
Now, let's talk about Friendvalanche. I've been getting a bunch of emails from people asking to be the next victim of our kindness. While I'd be happy to give everyone a Friendvalanche, it must be reserved for people who are having a bad day. What could be better on your worst day than getting 3,000 new friends?
If you want to nominate someone for a Friendvalanche, send me an email with a link to their Facebook profile at Streeter.Seidell@Gmail.com.
For his efforts, Ian is getting a free BustedTee and fifty dollars worth of money. When I asked him how he felt about the victory, Ian only had this to say: "Warren Winter sucks." I'm as confused as you are.
Thanks to everyone who played and better luck next time!
Now, let's talk about Friendvalanche. I've been getting a bunch of emails from people asking to be the next victim of our kindness. While I'd be happy to give everyone a Friendvalanche, it must be reserved for people who are having a bad day. What could be better on your worst day than getting 3,000 new friends?
If you want to nominate someone for a Friendvalanche, send me an email with a link to their Facebook profile at Streeter.Seidell@Gmail.com.
Truth In Road Signs
Facebook Challenge!
- Create one of the groups listed below.
- Get 1,000 people to join your group.
- Email me at Streeter.Seidell@gmail.com when you've hit the 1,000 member mark with a link to your group.
- Claim a Free BustedTee AND $50.
NEW FUN THING! The Facebook Challenge is a blast, but not everybody has the determination to make a group and stick with it. That's why I'm introducing Friendvalanche. The idea is simple: I give you someone to add as a friend on Facebook, you add them and send them a message. The first target of our friendliness is....
And now...
The Groups
- Never have I ever played drinking games
- I give Family Guy a 6, tops
- Bro, let's get tattoos that display our respective ethnicities
- Eat your dick? Absolutely not, young man!
- I'm attracted to magicians
- Man, I covered this notebook with scribbles, check this out
- Spring: Give me a break!
- Salt or Pepper? You can't have them both.
- Dude, can I cop some answers from your test before you hand it in?
- Hey, what channel is Nickelodeon again?
- United States of Allergies
- You guys smell that? It smells like hot milk or something?
- No, YOU, sir, are the Dee Dee Dee!
- Hotdogs > real dogs
- Hard honeydew is better than soft honeydew
- Adult Swim is for pussies
- If Sanjaya wins, so have the terrorists
- I got the blue box blues
- Quality=Quantity
- I would love to paint you
- So super happy I wasn't born Indian
- A Man, A Plan, A Canal: Anal
- All I wanna do is Zooma Zoom Zoom Zoom and a Boom Boom
Remember, the first person to email me at Streeter.Seidell@gmail.com with 1,000 people in their group gets a Free BustedTees and a Ulysses Grant to keep all your George Washingtons company. Ready. Set. GO!
Oh, and join the CollegeHumor Facebook group while you're at it.
Oh, and join the CollegeHumor Facebook group while you're at it.
Interview With The Cast Of MTV's "Human Giant"
(dials Paul)
Streeter: Hey Paul, are you nervous about the big premiere tonight?
Paul: Hello Mr. Seidell, this is Paul's assistant, Rebecca.
Streeter: Oh...Hi, is Paul around? I had a few questions about the show.
Rebecca: No. You can always call his publicist, Nate.
Streeter: Oh, OK. Thanks.
(dials publicist)
Nate: Yell-o?
Streeter: Hi Nate, this is Streeter Seidell from CollegeHumor. I'm an old friend of Paul's. We used to watch Lost together every week. I was wondering if you could put me in touch with him? I have some questions about his new show. I'm trying to plug it on the website.
Nate: Website? I don't know if you heard yet, Peter, but Paul has a TV show coming out. He can't waste time talking to geeks from the world wide website.
Streeter: I hardly think that's fair. Human Giant started out as a series of web videos so it definitely relates. Plus, the website I work for is pretty popular.
Nate: How many peeps we talking?
Streeter: What...?
Nate: How many peeps hit your geek-spot every month?
Streeter: Around six million, plus it's a very influential demograph...
Nate: No can do, homo. Don't call me again. If you absolutely must talk to someone, call MTV's PR department. Number in three, two, one...347-2283.
(hangs up)
$10,000? OK.
You may have seen ads on the site for a contest we're doing with Old Spice called "Keep It Clean." "I hate advertising!" you scream, "You sold out!"
Yup!
BUT, we wouldn't leave you out, would we? Old Spice gave us $2,500 to award to the winner of each category. All you need to do is send us a picture of something that looks dirty but isn't.
The Categories
If you want some of that sweet, sweet cash get your pics in quick - the submission phase ends tomorrow! See the contest page for more info.
"I love advertising!" you shriek, "Thanks for the free money!" Don't thank us, just thank me. It was all my idea. Totally.
A few examples after the jump
Yup!
BUT, we wouldn't leave you out, would we? Old Spice gave us $2,500 to award to the winner of each category. All you need to do is send us a picture of something that looks dirty but isn't.
The Categories
If you want some of that sweet, sweet cash get your pics in quick - the submission phase ends tomorrow! See the contest page for more info.
"I love advertising!" you shriek, "Thanks for the free money!" Don't thank us, just thank me. It was all my idea. Totally.
A few examples after the jump
The Graphic Truth
"Seriously dude, shut the f*ck up. I'm trying to think."
Number of times "Uptown Girl" has been listened to
Notebooks thrown at Jake Hurwitz for being a total f*cking waste of space.
Man, I wish I could go back and sleep with my ex-girlfriends now and be like, "See, I'm better now than when we dated."
Amount of sense the lines make
Help from Amir
Amount this seems like a good idea
The Stupid Question Hall Of Fame
The Stupid Question Hall of Fame is back again, ready to embarrass the kids who cheapen your degree. Remember the rules - If you send in the absolute stupidest, you get a free Big Shocker. Read all five and cast your vote. And, if you heard something stupid in class this week, send it to me at CHStupidQuestions @ Gmail.com. INCLUDE YOUR SCHOOL!
The Nominees
A) Emerson College, Boston, MA
Submitted by Sam
After watching 'The Miracle Worker'
Intellectual Wizard: So, is this based on a true story?
B) Bentley College, Waltham, MA
Submitted by Bryan
In Cross-Cultural Understandings class, talking about the weather in France.
Professor: What would another name for rain be?
The Brilliance: Snow?
Streeter Seidell
Fordham
About Me
About Me
Streeter enjoys many things, not least of which is being your front page editor here at CollegeHumor. In fact, he likes it so much he decided to get paid for it and make it his career. He spends his days making sure you have enough updates and hotlinks to keep you from your work for at least two hours. Streeter also likes to write; not well, mind you, but frequently. Please, enjoy his archive.
Thanks for being my Internet friend.
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