I propose a new sport.  It's called Huge Tennis. Here are the rules.

Each team has five players - two hitters and three dodgers.  Each player must stay within his designated zone and no player, or the ball, may touch the restricted zone.  The hitters are responsible for hitting the ball back to the other side, as in normal tennis.  The dodgers are responsible for avoiding being hit by the ball.  The court itself is much bigger than a standard tennis court, allowing the hitters to really smash the ball (court specifications subject to change upon testing the gameplay in real life).

Points are awarded as such.

• If a hitter fails to return a volley, the opposite team is awarded a point.
• If a dodger is hit by the ball, the opposite team is awarded a point.
• If the ball hits the restricted zone or lands out of bounds, the opposite team of the last team to touch the ball is awarded a point.
• If a hitter hits his own dodger or the net, the opposite team is awarded a point.

Service is based on a 'make it, take it' system with the first team to 21 points, by 2 points, winning.

There is it, Huge Tennis.

"Britain, Britain, Britain."  So starts HBO's new comedy, Little Britain: USA.  The show has been a huge hit in England for years and now it's being tweaked, re-shot and brought to the colonies.  But to truly appreciate this new show one must first understand the land from which it came. Therefore I will attempt to bring you an all-encompassing guide to British culture in two parts.  

Politics
The British are currently ruled by HM Queen Elizabeth II, of the House of Windsor.  Presiding in various palaces around the country, Her Royal Majesty dispenses justice, creating new laws, levying taxes and commands the mighty British army.  Serving Her Majesty is an extensive group of people known as the noble class.  This includes princes, barons, counts, dukes, lords and earls.  Below the noble class are the various knights of the realm.  Some knights belong to special orders such as the Knights of the Garter and the Knights Templar, thought most are mere humble warriors hoping to rise socially through adventure and proving themselves in combat.  If a knight acquires enough wealth while on crusade he may buy himself a dukedom or lordship and rise to be a member of the noble class.  Below the knights are the common folk. These common folk are of many varieties but most are cash-poor peasants who farm rented land, paying an annual tithe to the land's lord, who will, in turn, pay his tithe to Her Majesty.  Some common folk, however, are in serfdom, meaning they must work the land for the land's lord and are owned by him as well.   Many serfs are lost each year to plague. 

"Britain, Britain, Britain."  So starts HBO's new comedy, Little Britain: USA.  The show has been a huge hit in England for years and now it's being tweaked, re-shot and brought to the colonies.  But to truly appreciate this new show one must first understand the land from which it came. Therefore I will attempt to bring you an all-encompassing guide to British culture in two parts.  

History
Surprisingly, England is older than America and the British are passionate about their long and storied history.  The land was first settled by the Celts many thousands of years ago. Then the Romans invaded.  Then the Norsemen invaded.  Then the Normans invaded.  But since 1066, when William the Bastard defeated the ill-fated King Harold with a well-place arrow shot to the eye, England has gone un-invaded militarily.  This relative stability allowed the British to become one of the world's foremost naval powers and it also allowed them to enslave half of the world.  As the old saying goes, "the sun never sets on the places where the British have crushed and exploited the native populations."  Always the trendsetters, the colonies that would one day become the United States broke free from British rule in the late-18th century and over the next 200 or so years, all of nearly all of Britain's former colonies broke free as well.  Except Canada.  They half-assed it.  

Besides colonial and militaristic history, the British have a rich cultural history as well.  Darwin, Newton, Drake, Hood and Jagger; just a few of the famous names that not only belong to the isle of Britain, but to history as well.  They've given us The Beatles and V from "V for Vendetta."    Their main cultural export is entertainment and we've soaked it up like so many McDonalds-stuffed sponges: The Weakest Link, Big Brother, Nanny 911 and hundreds of other reality TV programs have been graciously brought to our shores.  Also Coldplay. 

With school back in session it's time for the return of the Stupid Question Hall of Fame.  For you newcomers, here's the deal...

• Hear someone ask a stupid question in class
  
• Go to CollegeHumor.com/StupidQuestions and submit it
• Wait till Friday morning for the weekly article to appear. 
  

If the stupid question you submitted wins, you'll get a free BustedTee.  It's that simple. 

So let's start the new semester with a big, racist, historically-inaccurate bang! 

I don't often get naked in front of other men. Not voluntarily, at least. Also, I despise heat. All types of heat: dry heat, humid heat...I guess those are the only two kinds. Finally, I very much dislike being dirty. I hate feeling like I have dirt under my fingernails or crap in my hair. I'm a hyper-clean, easily over-heated, self-conscience young man when all is said and done. That's why last year I was surprised to find myself strolling around naked in a room that had to have been 115 degrees and submerging myself into a tub of boiling hot filth. You see, my friends, I took a mud bath.

It was my Aunt's idea. My girlfriend and I were staying with her in California and she had booked us into a little spa up in the wine country. Furthermore, she had booked us mud baths. My entire knowledge on the exact execution of a mud bath comes from what little I have seen in magazine ads and movies. I imagined it to be a very deep bath of, well, mud. I was wrong.

We've spent all summer forcing our interns to work on a few features on CollegeHumor and they're finally ready to be shown to the world! 

Growing up in a small town you search for ways to amuse yourself.  So,when confronted with the idea of spending yet another night sitting in the gas station parking lot, one can't be blamed for searching for more creative ways to spend a warm summer evening.  It just so happened that years before my parents, in a fit of building that included a new driveway and an addition to our two-story colonial, built a beautiful in-ground pool/hot tub combo. The shallow end was around 3 ½ feet deep and the deep end sunk to the impenetrable depth of 5 feet.  At the time, I questioned my parents' wisdom. "But it won't have a diving board or water slide," I ignorantly protested, having no idea that by benefit of having a shallow deep end I would have some very memorable nights.  However, the pool merely played host to the real star of the backyard: the hot tub.    

It was a 5x5 square, with tiered seating and separated from the pool by a 9" wide tiled partition.  It didn't have any bubbles to speak of but it did feature four jets from which spouted blisteringly hot water.  Many a day was spent backed up to one of the jets, feeling the hot water pour over my lower back.  As I grew older and began to sweat profusely at the slightest hint of heat- a wonderful trait I carry to this day - the idea of sitting in a pool of practically boiling water started to become less appealing. Luckily, being the inventive sort, I worked out a great system for balancing the pool's icy extreme with the hot tub's scorching heat: I would kneel in the pool and submerge my hands in the hot tub.  Much like my habit of driving in winter with the window down and the heat on, this method kept me in a relatively comfortable temperature range.  

But,of course, I'm not writing of my fascinating experiments in human thermodynamic regulation; I am writing about how my parents' desire to give my family a wholesome water-bound playground turned into anything but.