It's that time of year again. That one week of the year that you actually open your book and try to figure out what your major is. That's right...finals week. All of that not going to class and homework-copying will finally come back to run you over with some sweet, sweet karma. You see the Liberal Arts majors frollicking about campus, talking about going to the bars that night, how they finished all of their projects a week earlier, and have no tests to worry about. You hate them. Good, use the hate to fuel yourself. You're gonna need it. It's time for finals!

Outfit: Nice shirt, clean jeans. Hey - why not? You gotta dress for success!
Hygiene: Showered, shampooed/conditioned (2-in-1...good enough), and hair gelled to perfection.
Diet: A bowl of cereal in the morning, a sandwich for lunch, and some spaghetti for dinner. Oops! You spilled a little sauce on your jeans. No time for laundry now though, you've got more finals to study for!
Mood: Hopeful, chipper. This won't be as bad as last semester's finals, or the one before that, or the one before that, or...well, you get the idea.

How funny you look. God, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to laugh. No, I know it's rude. I'm sorry.
Likelihood your skin is this color
Feasibility of a career in professional tossing
Hiding places
Fear of doorways
Chances that standing oral sex is an option for you.

My mother has had a computer for several years, and uses it quite regularly to type documents. I discovered recently that she has a single word document on which she has typed everything ever. She just scrolls down to the bottom every time she wants to write something new. The document is 223 pages long.
From Sam

My dad refuses to write text messages because he says "the buttons are too small." He will only use the pre-written text options. His response to every text is, "Thank You," "I'm running a little late," or, "See you later."
From Mike, Kean University