I worked at a store in high school as a stocker and cashier. One day, a lady with about ten items came up to the register and I proceeded to ring her up. While I was doing this, she felt the need to tell me her life story and how the courts took her kids away. When I came to the total, she decided she didn't have enough money, and began having me remove one item at a time and retotaling it. I never found out how much money she had to spend, but eventually she worked her way down to two items: a six-pack of beer and toilet paper. She still didn't have enough....guess which one she threw out. No wonder the courts took your kids away. Enjoy your beer and lack of toilet paper.
-Travis, VMI

I'm a middle school teacher and one day in class most of the kids were picking on one student who has a mole on his cheek. The next day, his mother comes in to talk to me as she's picking her son up. The boys mother is about 5 foot 3, about 230 pounds, and has a thick moustache. When I told her I would watch out for her boy, she said thank you and told me she had been made fun of as a kid too. She said she was made fun of for being fat and hairy. As if I needed any more evidence, she pulled down her shirt to reveal a Burt Reynolds type mane of hair on her upper chest. I haven't made eye contact with her in the two months since.
-Anonymous, College of William and Mary

I used to work at a local pet shop a few years back. Lots of cute girls used to pass through since it was near a high school. As an ice breaker for the ladies, I used to have a cockatoo perched up on my shoulder. Little did I know, the little bastard crapped all over my back...it was too late before I found out. I never imagined being cockblocked by a bird.
-Rich, NY

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

Remember when you had me smell your nasty pot of broccoli-and-cheese that you let sit in the sink for two weeks? Yeah, it was pretty nasty. Well, I've been saving my courtesy sniff. I've also been saving a jug of milk in the back of the fridge for two months. It's actually fermented, and I've had to use adhesive to keep the top from shooting off. By the time you read this, I will have called in my courtesy sniff.
Jonathan H., School Not Given