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Facebook: Hey.
MySpace: Sup.
Facebook: So's it going?
MySpace: It's going great, actually. How are things with you?
Facebook: Not bad. Not bad at all.
MySpace: I mean, you had a pretty good idea to start with.
Facebook: Now what is THAT supposed to mean.
MySpace: You and I both know that you based Facebook on MySpace.
Facebook: WHAT!? That's ridiculous. I don't see your users poking each other!
MySpace: That's because my users aren't GAY.
Facebook: No no, it's not like that, it's like a poke on the shoulder. Or something.
MySpace: Oh, okay.GAY.
Facebook: Well it's not as gay as Tom.
MySpace: You take that back.
Facebook: I will not.
MySpace: You take that back RIGHT. NOW.
Facebook: (singing) Tom is gay, Tom is gay.
MySpace: Yeah well at least he's not looking for "whatever he can get."
Facebook: We added that option as a JOKE.
MySpace: Oh, sure you did. Just like you added Live Feed to "keep people up to date."
Facebook: Don' even start with Live Feed. We asked our users what they wanted!
MySpace: Oh yeah, nice open letter, you homo.
Facebook: IT'S IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHAT THE USERS WANT!
MySpace: Lame.
Facebook: You're just jealous because your users are all old and creepy now.
MySpace: If by old and creepy you mean famous musicians, then yes, yes they are.
Facebook: That is NOT what I meant, I meant what I said.
MySpace: Watch it, Facebook. Don't make me call my Top 8.
Facebook: Oh, I'm so scared. Well YOU don't make me call my...my...
MySpace: Your what? Your "Friends We Have In Common"?
Facebook: Shut up, that's a very helpful feature! Better than "Who I'd Like To Meet"!
MySpace: Yeah, well you FREE IPOD CLICK HERE TO WIN
(pause)
Facebook: What the hell was that?!
MySpace: Oh nothing, don't worry about that, I have a tic and sometimes-
Facebook: That was a pop-up, wasn't it??
MySpace: I HAVE A TIC!!!
Facebook: Hahaha you have pop-ups and you can't control them!
MySpace: I can to! I can stop them whenever I want!
Facebook: Whatever you say, sell-out.
MySpace: Oh I'm sorry, what? I can't hear you over the sound of my money.
[Silence. A door opens]
Friendster: Oh, hey guys!! What's going on??
MySpace/Facebook: Fag.

Boss: Well, I've given you guys a week, what ideas do you have for the cover of "Applied Mathematics 7th edition?"

Terry: Um, okay, I'll start. How about a roller coaster amidst a setting sun?

Boss: That's unbelievably stupid. It has nothing to do with math!

Terry: Sure it does. The roller coaster represents... I dunno, equations.

Boss: Stop wasting our time, Terry. We trusted you when you came up with Ferris wheel amidst a setting sun. Nobody got it then, and nobody's getting it now. Anybody else have any bright ideas?

Mary: My four year old did this pretty neat looking water color yesterday at school.

Boss: You know what you're problem is, Mary?! You're asian.

Mary: I'm half Philipino.

Boss: Now you're half FIRED. Leave. Please. Anybody else? Come on people. I called you in here because you were the best of the best!

We asked significant historical and cultural figures to discuss the night they lost their virginity.

HENRY FORD: "At a young age, I realized that if I was to thrust at a fixed pace and climax at regular time intervals, I could impregnate up to 240 women in a standard 8-hour work day. I have sired 860,000 children, all of whom are named Henry regardless of gender. I love none of them."



CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS: I just showed up at her doorstep uninvited and started ripping off her clothes. She kept screaming "No!" and "Stop!" but I knew she wanted me inside her. I felt around for a hole and declared it her vagina, even though she tried to explain that it was her belly button. "Shut your mouth," I said, and went to town. When I'd finished, I took all her jewelry. I think I also gave her smallpox."�

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: "She had a great body, but a total horse-face. I busted the top lenses of my bifocals just to make her face blurry. I remember we banged outside during a thunderstorm. I flew a kite, attached a key to the string, and held the key against her clitoris - figured I'd invent the first electric vibrator. When the lightning struck, she died instantly. That's how I got on the $100 bill."

THE DALAI LAMA: "I lay her down upon a bed of silk golden threads, high atop Mt. Kangchenjunga, and caressed her body with oils of jasmine. As our souls intertwined in the dance of shushumna nadi, our Shiva and Shakti energies become one and I was overcome by an awesome cosmic awareness. Then I told everyone on campus that she let me stick it in her butt."


THE ATOMIC BOMB: "Jeez, it was awkward. We didn't know whether or not it was the right decision. I remember being embarrassed by how quick it was (I didn't have any experience, aside from what I'd tried by myself in the desert). To make things worse, she told me not to, but I exploded inside her. We ended things soon after that, and from what I could tell, she was really upset. It hasn't happened since. I've recently started seeing someone from North Korea, though. I'm keeping my fingers crossed."

Ever wonder where new Mario levels come from? Before starting work on a new game, the programmers search for inspiration around the globe. For instance,