Get to know who your friends really are.



The only thing that feels better then a solid game of Mario Kart is crack. Or maybe playing Mario Kart on crack, that be sweet too. But next time you and your friends play watch carefully which characters your friends choose, becuase believe it or not which character each person chooses says a lot about their personality...

Personality Select

Mario - You're predictable and meek. You picked Mario because the game is called "Mario Kart" and the only reason you're playing it is so you can talk about how awesome it is to play it. And you're right it is awesome put it's called "playing for love of the game" not "playing so you can attempt to fit in". Shame on you for tinting Mario's good name, put the controller down and never touch it again.

Dear Janice,

It has come to my attention that you have complained about my service as a paperboy. Truly, I do see where you are coming from. The broken windows, pots, and frequently crushing innocent bystanders with cars can get on anybody's nerves. I whole-heartedly apologize for all of the damage that I've caused you, both physically and emotionally, since moving to this neighborhood. However, these are merely attempts to blow off steam from a hard day. You see, my job is not easy and I do not get paid nearly as much as I deserve.

First of all, I have been delivering papers for about twenty-four years now. This job supports myself, my wife, and my son Paperboy II. As you can imagine, it doesn't pay very well. The only thing that keeps my family from the brink of starvation is my meager salary and the tips I receive from my customers. After twenty-four years on the job, the newspaper finally decided to recognize my efforts over the past quarter-century in a full page article. I believe that is the least they could have done for all the time I spent slaving away for the sake of my family. So imagine my surprise when I find out that the very next day there is one less delivery to make after one of the residents of complained about the article. Do you realize what that means for me? I get paid less now because of my perfect record than I ever have before. Does this seem fair to you?

Secondly, you would not believe the stress that I must endure on a day-to-day basis to bring you this paper. On any given day I will have to avoid being attacked by the Sewer Monster, be chased by a ghost, save gas station clerks from being killed, watch neighbors perform satanic rituals by roasting a live pig, and save babies who time and time again will have their postpartum affected mothers attempt to murder them by rolling them down a hill. All this while avoiding your son who inexplicably break dances on the sidewalk, having tires hurled at me, and avoiding cars that WILL NOT STOP until they have hit me. And now you attack me with your guard dogs. Well you know what Janice, forgive me for making your life miserable.

Lastly, though I do understand how you get upset about broken windows, I have one question. Seriously, what are those windows made out of? Throwing a newspaper at them should hardly be enough force to break them. Maybe you should complain to the window company for making the most fragile windows ever.

With sincere apologies,

Paperboy

Hello,
I recently moved to this Easy Street 2 weeks ago. We were tired of big cities and wanted to absorb some local color by subscribing to your paper. I must say, I was very impressed with the training regimine that you put your paperboy's through. (Although, I think we could build a mall or something where the training course is...) In New York, we were lucky to get our paper at all, let alone in the mailbox. The first week was great, our paper was delivered either at our door or on our doorstep. It wasn't until Sunday that I opened the paper and saw the top headline "Paperboy wins award for outstanding deliery" that I realized what a mistake subscribing was. There is a war going on, elections and poverty an your paper talks about the paperboy?

I cancelled our subscription immediately and decided we would just read the internet. On Monday morning, a paper sailed through my window. I called to complain and the person, Mr. Robinson, denied it was his company, even though it was his paper. The next morning, another paper sailed through my window and I clearly saw this blond haired punk riding through my flowers. Again, I called to complain, but nothing. Another person picked up and told me the paperboy had made all of his deliveries and asked if I wanted to re-new my subscription.

I have a very nice victorian house and over the next few days, I had three windows broken, my trash knocked over and he even threw a paper at my son who was breakdancing outfront. This is mob war fare and I will not take it anymore. You are intimidating people into buying your paper. You obviously have paid off the police as they do nothing. Furthermore, there are only 12 houses on our street, why do you feel the need to leave bundles of papers every 4 houses? How can you make a profit it you're using 30 papers for 12 subscribers?

A few neighbors have had the same problem, and I promise, that we will ban together to keep your paperboy from doing his job. I will leave traps in my garden, continually back my car in and out of the driveway and let my dogs out to chase him. You want a fight, then you have gotten one!

Sincerly,

Janice,
202 Easy St

Thanks to HHHMan for the excellent illustration.