CollegeHumor: Stuff Tom Sunnergren Likes

Wile E. Coyote Switches from Acme to Amazon

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 18:00:00 -0500

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1910096"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/1/collegehumor.16a56e85fe84716ccb36d2618b14a218.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-01-29 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1910096">Kevin and Murph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:344"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 331 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Issue #78

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 16:18:30 -0400

Free for all! Entertaining for none!

I hate when people tell me a book is a real page turner. I know how books work.

-Steve Schrader

I've always fancied myself as a sort of "Renaissance Man", in that my lack of hygiene and sanitation knowledge has caused the death of almost every single member of my family by way of plague.

-Conor McKeon

Adding 10 vitamins & minerals to Lucky Charms is like putting a bouncy castle in Nazi Germany.

-Dan Gurewitch

Bob Dylan hosts Jeopardy!

Dylan: The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.
Contestant: What is my kite?

-Tim Afterban

I find it odd that people refer to sex as "the birds and the bees," because I talk about birds AND bees more than anyone, yet somehow I'm still a virgin.

-Patrick Cassels

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-09-23 16:18:30 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 95 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Dark Side Of The Moon

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:09:50 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1762878"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/d/collegehumor.1a6ad117545457994d28205d3b31b962.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-09-22 13:09:50 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1762878">The Weekling</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 100 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

NewsFreed

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 11:50:40 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/7/collegehumor.1a8d4bdd12eb35c73182c827b94ab675.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-09-09 11:50:40 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495">Chase Mitchell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:7"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 969 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Patriots Locker Room Chat

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 21:51:25 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Coach Bill Belichick discusses a new game plan with offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels after Tom Brady's season-ending injury.

Belichick: How's Brady look?
McDaniels: Pretty bad.
Belichick: Do we need to resort to an emergency plan?
McDaniels: We might have to.
Belichick: Is amputating his leg and replacing it with a machine gun a possibility?
McDaniels: That was a movie.
Belichick: What about that football launcher they use during practice?
McDaniels: What about it?
Belichick: Does it look anything like Brady?
McDaniels: No.
Belichick: Dammit. What about Bo Jackson, is he still around?
McDaniels: I believe so.
Belichick: Sign Bo and cut the rest of the team.
McDaniels: Um.. sir...
Belichick: Wait... who is that famous girls softball player?
McDaniels: Jennie Finch?
Belichick: Is she available?
McDaniels: I don't think pitching translates very well in football.
Belichick: I said nothing about football.
McDaniels: I'll look into it.
Belichick: And while your at it see if you can figure out if Brady has a son.
McDaniels: He does, but he's only 13 months old.
Belichick: How often is he breastfed?
McDaniels: Sir... I think we should stick to using our second-string quarterback.
Belichick: Excuse me?
McDaniels: Matt Cassel.
Belichick: How 'bout you finish up cutting those sleeves off my sweatshirts then get the hell out of my office.

More Awesome at Fatawesome.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1687126"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.368a9ee9d08f62ea65b757bfd5f83680.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-09-08 21:51:25 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1687126">Fatawesome</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 62 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Country First

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 21:44:15 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1566560"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/3/collegehumor.a7fe20a3e723166ad476ac03a2f98eea.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-09-04 21:44:15 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1566560">Murray The Nut</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 8 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

ill conceived

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:09:55 -0400

Apparently Sarah Palin chose to keep her child despite learning he had down syndrome when he was still in utero.

Unfortunately it wasn't the first time a republican stubbornly refused to bail on something that was completely retarded from conception.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:276"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/9/collegehumor.2a4aa6e8b389597568dd52190c4645ef.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-09-02 18:09:55 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:276">Tom Sunnergren</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:92"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 78 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Wheelchair Rugby Injury Report

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:46:04 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> 7/15/08

Jason Regier	Neck	Probable
Scott Hogsett	Neck	Probable
Norm Lyduch	Neck	Probable
Andy Cohn	Neck	Probable
Will Groulx	Neck	Probable
Bryan Kirkland	Neck	Probable
Seth McBride	Neck	Probable
Nick Springer	Neck	Probable
Chance Sumner	Neck	Probable
Mark Zupan	Neck	Probable

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:276"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/9/collegehumor.2a4aa6e8b389597568dd52190c4645ef.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-14 17:46:04 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:276">Tom Sunnergren</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:92"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 9 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Doctor Is Always In

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 22:41:07 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> After waiting for a few minutes, Michael Kingston is greeted by his primary care physician.

Dr. Norton: Mr. Kingston, how are we today?
Mr. Kingston: Oh hey doc, not too bad, but the throat's been sore for a few days now.
Dr. Norton: Sorry to hear that. I've heard there's a flu going around, that might be it. Why don't we take a look then.
Mr. Kingston: Okay.
Dr. Norton: Yep, throat's pretty swollen and red.
Mr. Kingston: I figured as much.
Dr. Norton: Okay, let's check everything else out.

Norton gives a thorough examination of the ears, eyes, and throat glands.!slice

Dr. Norton: Okay Mr. Kingston, now I'm going to need you to drop your pants for me.
Mr. Kingston: Really?
Dr. Norton: It's standard procedure for a proper examination, Mr. Kingston. And this isn't the first time I've had you do this for me before.
Mr. Kingston: I know, I'm just a little uncomfortable.
Dr. Norton: Everything will be fine, I'm a professional. I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about.

Mr.Kingston drops his pants and coughs as the doctor examines him.

Dr. Norton: Okay all set, now that wasn't so hard, right?
Mr. Kingston: I guess not, sorry for putting up such a stink.
Dr. Norton: It's no problem. Now, here's a prescription for some medication that should help with the swelling, and I'm going to recommend that you drink plenty of fluids and get plenty of rest and you should be fine in a couple of days. If the problems continue, call the office.
Mr. Kingston: Thank you I'll do that.
Dr. Norton: You have a nice day.
Mr. Kingston: You too.
Dr. Norton: By the way, try the babyback ribs, they're phenomenal.
Waitress: He's right, and tonight's 3 dollar pitcher night. Can I start you off with some appetizers?

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1657072"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/8/collegehumor.06098b8bb7a6234c386249d817f7bddb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-07 22:41:07 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1657072">Conor McKeon</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:529"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 30 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Making of The Constitution

Sat, 24 May 2008 14:25:00 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> "I don't believe in free speech."
"Shut up about that."
"Ok."

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:276"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/9/collegehumor.2a4aa6e8b389597568dd52190c4645ef.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-24 14:25:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:276">Tom Sunnergren</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:92"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 53 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Lance Armstrong sends Jon Lester a text message

Thu, 22 May 2008 16:29:43 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> wtf dude. get ur own thing

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:276"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/9/collegehumor.2a4aa6e8b389597568dd52190c4645ef.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-22 16:29:43 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:276">Tom Sunnergren</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:92"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 76 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Issue #60

Tue, 13 May 2008 14:36:20 -0400

Original music by this sick new band my brother's in.

Senior Superlatives at San Dimas High

- Most Likely to Marry Medieval Princesses
- Most Likely to Save the World With Rock and Roll
- Most Excellent

-Chase Mitchell

I wish I lived in Alabama so my state was at the top of drop down menus. No other reason.

-Travis Morton

I recently tried Trident whitening gum. That sh*t is powerful. Immediately after chewing I bought all 11 seasons of Frasier on DVD.

-Conor McKeon

Porno Pizzeria Policy

Thirty minutes or less or you don't have to blow the delivery driver.

-Patrick Cassels

Lord of the Rings in One Minute

Gandalf: You must destroy the one ring of power.
Frodo: How?
Gandalf: I'll summon my eagle friend. He'll fly you over Mt. Doom and you can throw in the ring.
Frodo: Thanks!

-Clete Smith

They say Hillary is the candidate of beer drinkers and Obama is the candidate of wine drinkers. I like both candidates a lot. I can't remember why.

-Tom Sunnergren

Questions Questions Questions

- Why do people drive on a parkway, and park on a driveway?
- Why is it called luggage on an airplane, and planeage on an airlug?
- Why is it when you fix a house it's called landscaping, but when you house a fix its land callscaping?

-Amir Blumenfeld

Fun To Use When You Don't Need Them, Terrible To Use When You Do

- Adderall
- Wheelchairs
- Guns

-Streeter Seidell

Click here to submit your own 105%.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-13 14:36:20 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 78 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Jack Handey

Mon, 12 May 2008 16:04:39 -0400

As the name behind Saturday Night Live's short-but-hilarious "Deep Thoughts," writer Jack Handey has become synonymous with the art of the bizarre one liner. Since leaving SNL (where he also wrote several memorable sketches, including "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer") in 2002, Handey has contributed humorous essays to The New Yorker, and in April, published What I'd Say to the Martians and Other Veiled Threats, a collection of his writing. Below, he talks with CollegeHumor about comedy and car-driving felines.

What I'd Say To The Martians includes both essays and Saturday Night Live scripts. Are either of these formats more difficult than the other?
Both are hard. To me, the best humor pieces are written from the point of view of a specific character. So when you're thinking of ideas, you think about what your character would be interested in, what he could pontificate about. In TV, you're just trying to come up with a funny ideas. Also, in TV you're thinking visually. I do, anyway. I try to think of a funny image, and then what might explain that funny image.

For sheer writing, doing a humor piece is probably more difficult. But physically, TV really wears you out. Saturday Night Live, anyway. There the writers produce their own pieces, so you have to make sure the sets, props, sound effects, etc., are right. By the after-show party, you're ready for that beer.

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/b/collegehumor.bf47a312f8c3b3d327c1333b4268bdca.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-12 16:04:39 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226">Patrick Cassels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:857"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 45 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Issue #52

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 16:05:45 -0400

Less than 2 percent of our readers die from incredibly rare diseases. Coincidence?

Politically Correct Dyslexia

-"Ask that black guy for directions"
-"Excuse me, but I believe they prefer to be called 'little people.'"

-Conor Mckeon

Popular Weird Al Songs if He Were Born in 1920...

- "Bugle Bugle Bugle Boy of Company Cheese!"
- "Twist and Trout!"
- "Eat it!" (But he'd record it as a 65 year old.)

-Amir Blumenfeld

The deli I go to has a sign that says, "This line bagels only." I sometimes like to pretend I'm living in a racist cartoon world.

-Jeff Rubin

Boring YouTube Videos

-Successful Omelet Cook
-New Donald Sutherland Movie LEAKED!!!
-How to Re-Bristle a Broom!!
-4-Minute Mustache-Trim Attempt
-8-Minute Mustache-Trim Attempt!!!

-Patrick Cassels

I just got back from Mexico. Everybody's lawn looked amazing.
Just kidding, they were all covered with car parts.

-Tom Sunnergren

Movies Titles That Perfectly Explain The Movie

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Debbie Does Dallas

-Ryan Murphy

Click here to submit your own 105%.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-18 16:05:45 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 33 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Issue #45

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 15:51:05 -0500

If this issue of the 105% is not funny, it is likely due to a manufacturing defect. Ask for an exchange at the point of purchase.

My dog threw up yesterday all over my hand, because that's what I shoved down its mouth.

-Shawn Pearlman

I bet Slinky Hell is just a bunch of escalators going up. Or maybe that's Slinky Heaven.

-Jeff Rubin

MapQuest Directions to New Jersey

*Right on Maplewood (12.1 m)
*Left on Really? (16.4 m)
*Really? becomes Huge Mistake (8.4 m)
*Take Exit 41 towards We Can't Let You Do This (.4 m)
-- Initiating Shutdown Override --

-Dan Gurewitch

Expiration dates are the original spoiler alerts.

-Amir Blumenfeld

Call me Mr. Seidell. I didn't go to Man School to be called Streeter.

-Streeter Seidell

I just don't understand women. I can never tell if a woman is looking at me because she's interested, or because she's wondering why I'm staring at her crotch.

-Tom Sunnergren

Matchbox 20 Tour Bus

Matchbox 20: Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
Driver: I swear to god, if you say that one more time I'll turn this thing right around.
Matchbox 20: ...Let's see how far we've come. Let's see how far we've come.

-Jason Michaels

Grammatical Bun in the Oven

Stacey: Jim, I think I'm pregnant
Jim: Are you sure? How do you know?
Stacey: Because... I just know

-Sean Curry

Click here to submit your own 105%.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-01-29 15:51:05 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 45 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

105% issue #39

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 14:06:14 -0500

Refrigerate after opening to keep jokes fresh

Sneeze Replies More Zealous Than "God Bless You"

- Jehovah bless you.
- May Allah absolve your nasal passages of all foreign intruders.
- Gesundheit... oh great and powerful Gezundheit! Purify thine sinuses with your mighty hammer!!!

-Patrick Cassels

Racist Who Just Doesn't Get It

What's the deal with Black Friday? Didn't we already give them a whole month?

-Jeff Rubin

Guy Who Thinks October is Shopper Appreciation Month

What's the deal with Black Friday? Didn't we already give them a whole month?

-Amir Blumenfeld

Moregasm (n. - more-gaz-im) - The euphoric bliss that comes with discovering that there are more of a given food item previously thought to be all eaten. Example: "I had a moregasm when I found out there were more crescent rolls."

-Streeter Seidell

My friend shared bad news with me over AIM recently, using emoticons � I thought that was really immature. She used a miscarriagey face.

-Dan Gurewitch

Benjamin Franklin After Getting Dumped

In this world nothing is certain but death, taxes, and women are bitches.

-Rei Estrada

One man's junk is another man's penis.

-Tom Sunnergren

Click here to submit your own 105%.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-11-27 14:06:14 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 65 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

105% Issue #38

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 16:56:57 -0500

Please consider the environment and recycle this issue of 105%

Frat Boy Tries Out Intellectualism

"After Blake set fire to my pants I totally pissed in the hamster cage, per se."

-Dan Gurewitch

Emergency in 1745

Doctor: There's no easy way to say this, but your wife had a miscarriage on the way to the hospital.
Man: What? So the horses...
Doctor: Yup. Detached right from that buggy. Your baby is perfectly fine though -- which is pretty rare.

-Amir B.

Beauty is in the I am so goddamn good looking

-Streeter Seidell

Spellings I Disagree With

- Camouflage
- Colonel
- Tori and Aaron

-Jeff Rubin

Actions you can take with Facebook's new PornoPoke! application

- Fist
- Transmit Gonorrhea
- "Deliver Pizza"

-Chris Richman

I get a lot of criticism for sleeping with overweight girls. I don't think of myself as a bad guy though, but rather one who's able to look with fresh eyes at the ordinary and see in it something that's unique and beautiful and also I'm an alcoholic.

-Tom Sunnergren

Click here to submit your own 105%.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-11-13 16:56:57 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 65 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

105% issue #35

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 16:34:25 -0400

105% - soon to be a major motion picture

Deaf Buddhist Proverbs

- What is the sound of two hands clapping?
- If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?
- What is the noise my daughter emits when she is smiling/shaking? Is this laughter?

-Amir Blumenfeld

An apple a day keeps anyone away if your throw it hard enough.

-Patrick Cassels

I choose to spend my time thinking about the good in my life rather than the bad. It takes less time that way. So I can masturbate more.

-Tom Sunnergren

Sports News for People Who Hate Sports

- Baseball's almost over. The Yankees are out.
- Football!!!!
- Hockey?

-Jeff Rubin

Before Rodney Dangerfield Found His Comedic Voice

"A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. We had sex."

-Dan Gurewitch

According to Wikipedia monkeys have a clitoris, but damned if I can find it. Whatever, I've learned a bag of bananas will make her just as excited.

-Brian Paulsen

Click here to submit your own 105%.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-10-15 16:34:25 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 44 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

105% Issue #34

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:29:01 -0400

105% - Over 1 Million You's Served

Dinosaur Fighting Tips

- Aim for the soft under-jaw.
- Guns!
- If dinosaurs start to fade away, take more psychedelic drugs.

-Jeff Rubin

Correcting Our Kids' Grammar in 2030

"No, no, no honey, it's whomevs, not whoevs."

-Streeter Seidell

I've stopped using condoms when I have sex. But to be safe I aim away from the keyboard.

-Tom Sunnergren

Ways in Which I Resemble Other Men Named Patrick

Patrick Stewart: Frequently seen wearing "Star Trek" uniform
Patrick Swayze: Not a working actor
Patrick Duffy: Still cry during old episodes of "Step by Step"

-Patrick Cassels

The best part about using the shower is that you never have to wipe.

-Jesse Sachs

Away Message Rape

BlakeDaMan12: Psst. Christy.
Auto Response from ChrisTyXoXo: asleep
BlakeDaMan12: I�m slowly lifting up your sheet
Auto Response from ChrisTyXoXo: asleep
BlakeDaMan12: Mmm, I�m so deep inside you
Auto Response from ChrisTyXoXo: asleep
BlakeDaMan12: You were asking for it
Auto Response from ChrisTyXoXo: shower

-Dan Gurewitch

Famous Bible Quotes with "KRORG THE IMPAILER" instead of "God"

And KRORG THE IMPAILER said take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering to KRORG THE IMPAILER upon one of the mountains which KRORG THE IMPAILER will tell thee of.

-Amir Blumenfeld

Send your 105% submissions to 105percent @ gmail dot com

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-10-01 16:29:01 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 45 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

105% Issue #33

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 17:05:12 -0400

More nostalgic than the house you grew up in.

I was performing brain surgery once and I wanted to remember something so I made a mental note... by jotting it down on their cerebellum. It said, "Remember to remind patient to convulse uncontrollably."

-Shawn Pearlman

The Modest Serial Killer

Look guys, I'm just like everybody else - I put your skin on one leg at a time.

-Streeter Seidell

World-renowned mime Marcel Marceau died over the weekend. To honor his passing, let us observe a moment of noise.

-Dan Gurewitch

Giveaways at Joint PBS/Sorority Telethon

- Mugs and Uggs
- Totes Tote Bags
- Syphillis

-Neil Padover

Word Jumbles for Cows

OMO
OOM
OMOOO

-Jeff Rubin

Gmail Prompt or Nerdy Last Words

- Your message has not been sent. Discard your message?
- I will always love you, Liuetenant Uhura! [translated from Klingon]
- Remember me on this computer

- Amir Blumenfeld

If a girl makes you wear a condom, you probably didn't need it, and if she doesn't make you wear one you probably should have worn two. Life is full of irony. And sex disease.

-Tom Sunnergren

So it'd be weird if I married my first cousin, I get that. But if I have a kid with my first cousin, then that kid is my first cousin once removed. Which, in my opinion, makes it perfectly okay for me to f*ck it.

-Jake Hurwitz

Send your 105% submissions to 105percent @ gmail dot com

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-09-24 17:05:12 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 37 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />